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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Jux · 31/03/2020 15:56

Zorba, she's done it and is out. RTFT or at least the op's posts.

MagentaRocks · 31/03/2020 16:00

@Jux Zorba is talking to someone else not the op.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 16:20

Zorba is the second person to say RTFT having failed to do that very thing themselves!

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 16:21

Sorry, I'm clearly talking about Jux!

incognitomum · 31/03/2020 17:54

@Jux OMFL isn't the OP maybe you should RTFT

bellabasset · 31/03/2020 18:06

@OMFL If at any time you need assistance dial 999 and press 55. This is for anyone who cannot speak when the phone is answered and alerts police that urgent help is needed.

Please make sure you and the dcs are safe

Jux · 31/03/2020 18:59

Yes! You're right; I clearly didn't read that part of the thread.

Zorba, I beg your pardon. I'll get my coat Wink

madcatladyforever · 31/03/2020 19:07

Get out now. You can ring the police first and tell them you are escaping DV and anyway there is no way anyone will send you home. If you are stopped you can explain.
Go, go, go, get your life back.

BananaPlant · 31/03/2020 19:15

She did get out.

Why does no one read?

grammarhelp · 31/03/2020 19:24

BananaPlant
Another poster joined the thread and this is the poster people are urging to get out as it sounds horrendous. Her username is OMFL.
She apologised to the OP for writing of her situation on the thread.

JimDuggansEye · 31/03/2020 19:27

There is another woman in the same position on this thread.

Why does no one read?

AgathaX · 31/03/2020 21:27

OP what a fantastic update to read. I'm so pleased and relieved that you are out and safe with your sister. Take your time to recover and then move on and enjoy your life. Good luck and happiness to you.

OMFL please take inspiration from the OP. She has done it. You can too. Please try to be brave and get you and your children away.

SunshineCake · 31/03/2020 21:38

@OMFL If at any time you need assistance dial 999 and press 55.

This won't tell the police where you are and very few calls are picked up by this. Don't rely on it.

MidnightBlue28 · 31/03/2020 23:47

These have be shared recently on Twitter by my local force

To leave husband during lockdown
To leave husband during lockdown
TriciaH87 · 01/04/2020 00:36

My suggestion would be get your sister to call 101 explain the situation and if they say you are allowed to leave ask they make a note on file under your name and address as to why you will be traveling.

Quiet31 · 01/04/2020 03:13

OMFL take the kids on an essential shopping trip to Sainsbury's or wherever then go to the manager or customer services, stand at 2m and explain this and get them to get police help straight away.

Or do it when house sale gone through. But either way you need to do it in the next couple of days.

Sounds a dangerous situation and he needs to be removed or you and the kids do.

Emmas85 · 12/04/2020 21:29

Was thinking of this thread earlier. How are you OP?

UnRavellingFast · 18/04/2020 04:47

@OMFL I feel for you and want to offer support. I escaped from abuser - around three years ago now. Despite ups and downs it was the start of my new life. If you want to dm me I would be happy to offer any ideas and advice I can. When I was stuck in the rs for many years I desperately wanted someone to give me a step by step plan to leave as I couldn’t see wood for trees. If I can help you with ideas I would be so very happy to. Much strength and love in these awful times for all relationship prisoners.

Sleeplessinselsey · 20/04/2020 13:38

@OMFL
Bit worried about your silence, I really hope nothing has happened. Please give us an update. Desperately want to get you safe from this monster.
OP, glad you're out, well done xx

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