Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
TheClitterati · 29/03/2020 22:23

Go and best of luck op Thanks

FilthyforFirth · 29/03/2020 22:23

Absolutely go. Completely essential travel and within 'the rules'. As others have said you wont be penalised at all.

Stay safe.

Astressie · 29/03/2020 22:23

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ Ring the hotline. They can help 24 hrs a day.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 29/03/2020 22:24

Go and good luck!!

Maladymaker · 29/03/2020 22:24

Best of luck. Fly like the wind. Flowers

whatkindoffuckery · 29/03/2020 22:24

Go. Just leave. As soon as you can. It's essential travel. Good luck.

PinkandOrange · 29/03/2020 22:24

Of course you should go!

unmumsymumof2 · 29/03/2020 22:24

Good luck!

TokyoSushi · 29/03/2020 22:24

Go lovely, please go ASAP

BlackSwan · 29/03/2020 22:26

100% on your side. It's a sign.

UnaCorda · 29/03/2020 22:27

Could you get essential stuff together in a drawer in advance to save time finding things during the half-hour your husband is out of the house?

Good luck - it sounds like leaving is definitely the right thing to do, and the sooner you leave the sooner you can move on to the next stage of your life.

lowlandLucky · 29/03/2020 22:27

paperwork bank cards and anything precios because you wont be going back . Dont forget to let us know how you are x

cheeseandcrackers88 · 29/03/2020 22:27

Good luck, you are so brave. Your new life starts tomorrow x

MontysOarlock · 29/03/2020 22:27

Don't forget to move money to an account that only you can have access to. Think long term, so all documents, ID, paperwork, just be methodical about it all.

Good luck and let us know when you are safe. Flowers

WitchDancer · 29/03/2020 22:28

Another one saying go here. You can do this, we're behind you! Forget taking anything other than things like your passport, birth certificate, driving license, and anything that's irreplaceable. Everything else can be replaced.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/03/2020 22:29

It’s essential travel
Go safely OP

It’s a good time to leave Flowers

Hohofortherobbers · 29/03/2020 22:29

Take your paperwork, jewellary and go. If you get chance take photos of his paperwork.

BigChocFrenzy · 29/03/2020 22:29

Run
and best of luck for your new life, OP 💐

Even Priti Patel said that fleeing domestic abuse was classed as an esssential reason for leaving the home

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 29/03/2020 22:31

^either tell them the truth which hopefully they will understand or a
Little lie^

Never lie to the police. If they catch you in a lie, they'll disbelieve all the true things you said as well. The police will understand and they will help you flee.

OP, good luck.

hibeat · 29/03/2020 22:32

Go immediately. Nobody will stop you. This is dire emergency.

CynsterBitch · 29/03/2020 22:32

Good luck OP, you are being very brave

FelicityJaneGrace · 29/03/2020 22:32

Would you like us to aid you with a list of essentials just to make things slightly easier?

I wish you all the best. This time tomorrow you will be safe with your sister.

GaraMedouar · 29/03/2020 22:32

Go Flowers

MagentaRocks · 29/03/2020 22:32

Leave as soon as he goes out if you can. I would ring the police once you are a decent distance away to let them know. He may report you missing so if you let them know they won’t have to waste time looking for you and if you are stopped you will have a record of your call to the police. You wont get fined.

Nat6999 · 29/03/2020 22:33

Could you sneak your belongings in the car & leave at night? I would imagine you have less chance of being stopped by the police.