Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Hipsterjoe · 29/03/2020 22:07

Leaving an abusive situation absolutely is essential travel. It’s the most essential travel you will ever do. I’d you can, contact the police before you go, or get your sister to do so. Otherwise get yourself out safe and into the car. Don’t worry about what you leave behind. Just take what you’re wearing, your phone and bag if you need to. Say you’re going to the shop. Go find love and safety with your sister.

MsJaneAusten · 29/03/2020 22:08

Go. Once you’ve got out, if it would make you feel better, you could call 101 or go to a local police station for help or just for reassurance that you can continue your journey, but it’s probably best just to go (tKing all essential paperwork with you) and deal with it if you get stopped.

If there’s parking near your sister’s, take the car; less chance of picking the virus up en route and passing it to her.

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 22:09

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this. My husband is out for a run in the morning, I’ll have about 30 minutes to pack my things together and go.

OP posts:
WifflyWaffle · 29/03/2020 22:09

Go. Wishing you every happiness Flowers

nsav · 29/03/2020 22:10

Go and remember to pack all of your ID that includes payslips, passport, etc etc! Good luck

LahndonTown · 29/03/2020 22:10

No police officer in a million years will ever send you home to an abusive partner, Lockdown or not. Get yourself out of there and to your sister's. Good luck Wine

Thehop · 29/03/2020 22:10

my husband said if the car belongs to him to drove it to the nearest main town and leave it there and get on a train.

He said if car is yours, to drove.

He’s a recently ex policeman and said there’s no way the police won’t help you. If they stop you, explain and they will help, not send you back.

Thehop · 29/03/2020 22:11

Don’t pack anything other than essential meds, maybe a passport.

MsJaneAusten · 29/03/2020 22:12

Don’t worry about packing too much, just get essential paperwork, toothbrush and spare pants and get the hell out of there. Your sister will help you fill in any packing gaps.

Good luck Flowers

wineandcheeseplease · 29/03/2020 22:12

Go for it, you can do this

HollowTalk · 29/03/2020 22:13

Just go as soon as you can and as safely as you can, OP. If you are stopped (incredibly unlikely) just tell the truth and ask them to contact your sister for confirmation. Nobody will send you back home.

BananaPlant · 29/03/2020 22:13

Good luck OP. Flowers

wildcherries · 29/03/2020 22:15

My heart goes out to you. Take essentials and passport and go. Good luck!

Haveitheright · 29/03/2020 22:15

Go Flowers

AnotherEmma · 29/03/2020 22:16

Please go.
There's some useful info and advice here:
www.womensaid.org.uk/covid-19-coronavirus-safety-advice-for-survivors/

shinyredbus · 29/03/2020 22:19

Go now before it’s too late. Good luck.

RubyRedz · 29/03/2020 22:19

Please just go to your sisters.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow morning x

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 29/03/2020 22:20

Nothing to add, but good luck 🍀🍀🍀

Audreyhelp · 29/03/2020 22:20

Good luck you will be fine .

Upthehillanddownagain · 29/03/2020 22:20

The police won't send you home.

It might sounds insensitive but he’s become abusive both physically - do you have bruises? If you do, there's your evidence.

smartiecake · 29/03/2020 22:20

I think its highly unlikely that you would be stopped. And if you were no one would send you back. Pack, leave and drive carefully.

cakeandchampagne · 29/03/2020 22:20

Go!
Your sister is wonderful.

zombieapocalypseisnigh · 29/03/2020 22:20

Please go. Take your important documents and any cash in the house and go.

Good luck, OP. Stay safe.

Tupperwarelid · 29/03/2020 22:21

Wishing you all the best. You are doing the right thing for you x

Lsquiggles · 29/03/2020 22:22

Get out and be free Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread