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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 30/03/2020 21:32

Came on here to check how you are doing. So glad to hear you are safe. You have made a brave move and I really wish you all the very best as you move on to live your best life free from abuse.

DakotaFanny · 30/03/2020 21:43

Well done OP! Such bravery amongst all the chaos is heroic. I’m so glad you are safe. X

pinkoneblueone · 30/03/2020 21:50

I haven't be following, I have have just come across this now! I am so so glad you managed to get away to safety. I would let local police know to be on the safe side. Good luck with your future, you deserve a beautiful one!

Jellybean27 · 30/03/2020 21:52

Phew! So relieved for you! Stay safe. X

KitKatKit · 30/03/2020 22:00

Very relieved for you OP. Stay safe Flowers

lowlandLucky · 30/03/2020 22:11

Sleep easy tonight OP you have done the right thing. Life re-starts now Flowers

shufflestep · 30/03/2020 22:16

Brilliant news, so glad you're safe at your sister's.

Queenest · 30/03/2020 22:35

Wow that’s awesome news!! Well done OP You are stronger than you realise Flowers

sestras · 30/03/2020 22:41

Well done op!!

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2020 22:42

@MWallsb Mon

I am so glad you are safe.

"It all feels like a bit of a dream at the moment, a mixture of anxiousness and sadness but a feeling of being ‘free’ in some way too. I looked at the bruises on my body this afternoon and for once didn’t think to myself ‘it’s all your fault’, so I feel as though there might be a glimmer of hope that one day I’ll recover from this."

You will recover.

Thanks

But please do take photos of your bruises, because if it does ever feel like a dream you want to be able to remind yourself of the reality.

I am so happy you are safe. The rest of your life is starting now. Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2020 22:43

Mon! No idea what that meant! Marvelous, maybe. Good news.

Matilda15 · 30/03/2020 22:45

Well done OP. You’re so brave.

SirVixofVixHall · 30/03/2020 22:47

Hurrah OP. Very brave. I am so happy that you have managed to escape to your sister’s.

MuthaFunka61 · 30/03/2020 23:01

You are courageous OP, remember this and be proud.

As others have said take photos of any marks or bruising as you may need these and it's better to have them than regret not having evidence and block him,you don't need to know what he's now thinking or doing. It's irrelevant to your life now and your future.

Rest well knowing you are loved and cared for by your family.

Well done,you are a remarkable woman Flowers

Intelinside57 · 30/03/2020 23:07

Thank goodness! You were very brave. Stay safe and look forward to your new life.

looondonn · 30/03/2020 23:09

You are amazing well done

Not easy at any time especially in the midst of all this

I have been there

Can I please say DO NOT ANSWER HIS MESSAGES OR GIVE HIM ANY INDICATIONS AS TO WHERE YOU ARE

PLEASE DO NOT

billy1966 · 30/03/2020 23:16

Please ask your sister to take the photos.

Do not have that simple regret that could aid you in your dealings in the future.

Delighted you are safe.

mummymayhem18 · 30/03/2020 23:32

Glad you're ok ☺️

WrinkledlikeAudrey · 30/03/2020 23:49

Well done, I hope you find peace now and can begin to plan your future. Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2020 23:49

Your new life is beginning and you are free. Thanks

Wynston · 31/03/2020 00:07

Awesome news!!! All the best op x

Wynston · 31/03/2020 00:09

OMFL hope that you to can be free x

HavenDilemma · 31/03/2020 00:15

Fantastic news, well done OP!

Has he tried to contact you? Wine

Voodoocowgirl · 31/03/2020 00:38

So incredibly proud of you, OP! You're incredible!

Magenta82 · 31/03/2020 01:03

Well done, I'm So glad you got away x