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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Macca84 · 30/03/2020 16:34

Amazing, massive well done OP Flowers

Frenchw1fe · 30/03/2020 16:35

Thank goodness you’re safe. Well done.

WeGoHigh · 30/03/2020 16:42

I was crossing everything that you would update you were safe OP. So so pleased for you. You should be incredibly proud of yourself Flowers

rainbowlou · 30/03/2020 16:43

Well done OP!
Stuff can always be replaced, even on lockdown I bet you feel so free Flowers

Coyoacan · 30/03/2020 16:43

Such great news, OP.

Of course it wasn't your fault. So many of us have been in your shoes and it wasn't our fault either.

In fact, kudos to you for getting away so soon. On average it takes eleven years for a woman to leave her abuser.

If you have time on your hands, which you probably do, why don't you take the Freedom Programme online?

Loodally · 30/03/2020 16:44

What a fantastic update. I'm so glad you're safe Flowers

Roostersmum2 · 30/03/2020 16:46

Congratulations on taking back your life OP, you have been so brave.

Look after yourself and best of luck for your future x

TheMamaYo · 30/03/2020 16:47

So glad to hear you're out!

FlorestanAndEusebius · 30/03/2020 16:47

So very happy to hear you are safe. Be gentle with yourself over the days and weeks ahead.
You are amazingly brave.

toothfairy73 · 30/03/2020 16:58

So happy to read you are safe. Good luck OP sending you love and strength

PunishmentSnart · 30/03/2020 17:00

Well done. Stay safe l. Flowers

Mix56 · 30/03/2020 17:06

Well done you. Please change your passwords on your phone, computer, bank.
He will have your passwords, or have linked your phones by cloud
Please report this to police, he may make divorcing very difficult,

dietcoker · 30/03/2020 17:08

You've absolutely done the right thing! We are all here for you (albeit strangers) x

LadyPenelope68 · 30/03/2020 17:10

Absolutely go, it is essential travel, you need to be in a safe place. If you are stopped, tell them why you are having to leave and I cant imagine they would stop you.

LadyPenelope68 · 30/03/2020 17:10

Sorry, seen that you've already do e it, glad you are safe x

TheClitterati · 30/03/2020 17:19

I've ben thinking of you all day OP. So happy to hear you are safe at your sisters with a new life ahead of you.

notsuremate · 30/03/2020 17:24

Brilliant update. Well done. Your new abuse free life starts now. Take photos of your bruises. If he dares try to contact you, send a copy of the photo with the message “now Fuck off”

JingsMahBucket · 30/03/2020 17:25

@MWallsb I'm so glad you got out. Make sure you change any passwords to your online accounts such as email, bank accounts or cloud storage accounts. For example, your phone may automatically upload any photos you take into a cloud storage account such as Apple Cloud, Dropbox, etc. If your husband has access to that password, he may be able to search your photos and delete or do other things with your files.

Well done and good luck.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/03/2020 17:26

Well done 👍
Photograph bruises and write an email t yourself with all data
And well bloody done x

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 30/03/2020 17:30

So happy to read this OP SmileThanks

elfies · 30/03/2020 17:35

Respect !

ohtheholidays · 30/03/2020 17:36

Thankyou for letting us all know your safe OP I'd been worrying for you all night,very relieved to know you've managed to get to safety and support Flowers

IdblowJonSnow · 30/03/2020 17:39

Excellent! Glad you are there safely. Well done on leaving him. Flowers

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/03/2020 17:42

The very very best to you op. You have been amazingly brave. I’ve just read the whole thread it’s very emotional the bravery, the support and knowing others are living with such cruelty.

Never ever ever remain in any form of relationship with him he will offer you everything and you might miss him you might still love him and that is understandably but he will never ever change you have done it now and that’s just fantastic

OMFL things can change I do I understand with children it does make it harder it does become more complex the feelings involved and where do I go, what happens next questions can be so overwhelming. Look on here how much support there is from strangers. How can we help you? many on here (I think all in here) can offer support even if it’s just words on a screen there is a wealth of not just support but also experience and knowledge

Do you know how you can leave ? Do family know? Is there a refuge in your area

It’s times like this the support of strangers really can make all the difference

HettySunshine · 30/03/2020 17:54

You're so amazing op! Enjoy the feeling of being so free.