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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 30/03/2020 15:40

I am delighted you are safe and hope you get some counselling when this CV crisis is over so that you realise none of this was your fault. I hope you can learn to trust again though as there are many decent men in the world. Don't let this bad one take away your faith in the human race and men in particular.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/03/2020 15:41

OMG OP - my stomach was in my mouth reading this, until I got to your update!
Well done on getting away.
Can't think of much more essential travel than that.
Please if at all possible, get your bruises checked out and recorded.
Report him on 101 to ensure this all goes on record.
I'm so glad you have supportive family to help and support you.
You saved yourself today.
Well done again and do NOT even look back.
Block on everything. All apps, social media, phone, text etc....
Get some headspace and.... relax!

Whitegrenache · 30/03/2020 15:41

Well done - amazing spirit shown and I'm
So pleased you have arrived in a place of safety

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 30/03/2020 15:42

OP: The other reason to take photographs of the bruises is so that when he phones you and starts trying to sweet-talk you into returning, you have a reminder of what he did to you.

I have a damaged item of furniture in my living room for a similar reason: to remind me not to take a certain man back.

lalafafa · 30/03/2020 15:42

Bloody well done! So proud of you, onwards and upwards x

Ogham · 30/03/2020 15:43

Great to hear you are safe OP. So brave. I’m sure the lockdown has made some people of DV finally flee their abusers. I really hope others are inspired by your story and find courage to do the same. @OMFL is there anywhere that you can go? If he doesn’t leave the house at all perhaps the police could intervene while you get vital belongings for you and your DC and just get the hell out of there - safely!

Anydreamwilldo12 · 30/03/2020 15:47

Well done you strong brave lady. Take care.

MsJaneAusten · 30/03/2020 15:47

So pleased you’re safe. That was incredibly brave of you OP. Well done x x

Weebitawks · 30/03/2020 15:47

I'm so happy ! I rarely check back on threads but have been checking today! Well done!

Bucketgarni · 30/03/2020 15:49

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Thedogscollar · 30/03/2020 15:53

Oh my goodness OP I have literally been thinking of you all day on and off this thread too searching and hoping for your update. When I saw you had arrived at your sisters well I have shed a tear. You are so brave and I wish you a fantastic future now you are free from that awful man. You have literally made my day knowing that you are safe. FlowersWineandCake for you tonight.

Teedeepie · 30/03/2020 15:54

This is such great news OP. Hope you get some peaceful sleep tonight knowing you are safe. Best of luck to you Flowers

WitchDancer · 30/03/2020 15:57

Fantastic news, well done - that took a lot of courage Thanks

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 30/03/2020 15:59

I hope you can learn to trust again though as there are many decent men in the world. Don't let this bad one take away your faith in the human race and men in particular.

I know you mean well but that's coming across as NAMALT and this isn't the time for that. Absolutely seconding what you say about counselling being a good idea. I recommend the Freedom Programme, it's a great resource for DV survivors and you can study it online so you don't have to wait until the lockdown is over.

Marshmallow91 · 30/03/2020 16:01

Well done OP, you are so brave Flowers please don't read his messages or even just block his number as things may ramp up and you will need this time to stay strong and recover. Thinking of you Flowers

Meaniebobeanie · 30/03/2020 16:02

I'm so relieved you got to your sisters. Well done your brave lady! Hope you have a happy life and can eventually put this behind you Flowers

HollySideEyes · 30/03/2020 16:11

So relieved OP, you've been on my mind. There's nothing like that feeling of getting away, we're all rooting for you.

Be prepared, if he's still able to contact you (I hope not), of laying on the guilt,poor me gaslighting nonsense, ignore, ignore ignore, I bet he never had a clue you were this strong.

.

zombieapocalypseisnigh · 30/03/2020 16:13

Very glad home to get home to see this update.

Take care of yourself, OP.

1Wildheartsease · 30/03/2020 16:16

Well done on your escape to a new life. All the best for the future.

On the past - keep repeating to yourself that here is nothing you could do that would justify him bruising you - NOTHING.

notthemum · 30/03/2020 16:18

Thank God for that. I am so pleased for you 💐 for you and 💐 for your sister to say thank you on behalf of all of us.

Minesacider · 30/03/2020 16:23

So glad to read your update OP. You are safe now, and you've done something incredibly brave x

Tattoocrazymum · 30/03/2020 16:24

So glad your safe ❤

fizzandchips · 30/03/2020 16:29

You are so brave
You are safe now
You did the right thing
Expect it all to hit you in the coming days
We were all right behind you
Hoping you would get away
Stay safe
Stay with your lovely sister
You did the right thing

ChrisPriss · 30/03/2020 16:30

Good news, wishing you happiness xxx

Retracactableclaws · 30/03/2020 16:31

I'm so glad your safe op well done.!