Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour told my kid off.

265 replies

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 17:23

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 26/03/2020 18:46

Maybe he was doing some gardening close to the fence and your DS was too close for the guidelines so the neighbours just asked him to move back? Maybe not, but there's a whole spectrum from perfectly reasonable to very unreasonable on both sides so best find out first. Not by going and knocking on his door, obviously, but perhaps next time the neighbour is out in garden ask him nicely if something happened today as your DS was upset and is ASD so couldn't explain.

Sirzy · 26/03/2020 18:47

So you left two children with additional needs who struggle to explain things without supervision? In hindsight maybe not the best idea?

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:47

In our own gardens. My children don’t play out alone at the best of times! They chose to live in area where I would 80
Percent of the houses have children living in them!

OP posts:
tillytoodles1 · 26/03/2020 18:49

I used to tell my neighbour's two boys off if they were being nuisances shouting and yelling. I'd say "boys can you keep the noise down please". Their parents never complained and we were friends.

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:49

Our garden is long so is there’s. No need for him to be at the end of his towards ours. The same guy was at the back of his garden earlier talking over the fence we share to
Our neighbour talking loudly at Each other Whilst we were in the garden. Surely that’s rude?!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/03/2020 18:50

So your sons can be at the end of your garden but he isn’t allowed to be at the end of his own garden?

Porcupineinwaiting · 26/03/2020 18:51

The thing is, you dont know what was done or what was said, or how it was said. He might have gently and firmly told your ds to stop doing something - children often think people are shouting if they dont like the message. In which case it probably wouldnt occur to him that he needed to speak to you.

Comfort your ds and let it go.

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:52

Thanks all. My son just likes to say hello. If someone doesn’t respond he thinks they are being rude and will
Keep saying it if someone says hello back he will walk away and go off and play! My son has been out playing most of the day with no issues whatsoever! lived here for years and no other neighbours have issues with my son!

OP posts:
wildcherries · 26/03/2020 18:52

Surely he can be wherever he wants on his own property. Don't be that parent.

GrumpyHoonMain · 26/03/2020 18:52

My neighbour’s son is autistic too and the only time I ever told anyone off was when he had a ‘playdate’ where his ‘friends’ were trying to kick his head in in the back of the garden. He still told his mum I shouted at him as I technically did but it was to help him. Perhaps it’s something similar?

TheWordmeister · 26/03/2020 18:54

Neighbours talking loudly?

Call the police. Hmm

underneaththeash · 26/03/2020 18:55

Well if you acknowledge that your children aren't angels and they can't tell you what happened - do you not think that he maybe was doing something he shouldn't and that's why the guy told him off?

FuckingTuiles · 26/03/2020 18:55

Just let it go. You have no way of knowing what happened.

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:55

I don’t leave them unsupervised. I went in to clean up quickly. My kitchen backs onto the garden. My garden is very very safe and secure! Bit weird why a guy is stood at the end of his garden by himself
For No reason. When he’s nice decking etc by his door. My children were just playing running around using the full
Length of the garden!

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 26/03/2020 18:57

I've never had that happen, and I live in a neighbourhood that had a lot of children - now all grown, and new families with young children are moving in.

I have so speak from experience!

Sirzy · 26/03/2020 18:57

You where in the house.

Two children with additional needs where outside.

You didn’t know what was happening.

That is unsupervised however you try to word it.

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:57

Like I said I have no problem with people telling my kids off! But I have a problem
With someone who sees a child upset and doesn’t approach the situation and explain. We could have spoke about it with distance between us! He was such a coward!

OP posts:
Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 18:58

My son is nearly 10. Old enough to go outside in the very secure garden we have! Lived here since he was tiny and never had an issue before!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/03/2020 18:58

The defensive way your coming across on here I’m not surprised he didn’t want to talk to you!

2020newme · 26/03/2020 19:00

Is it possible your DS was shouting "Hello" at him and the man told him to shut up and go away?

Most people don't want neighbours DC shouting at them through/over fences.

Sirzy · 26/03/2020 19:00

His age is irrelevant. My son is 10. He also has additional needs so I know even though our garden is secure he needs supervising when he is out. It’s not ideal but it’s life.

If he has additional needs to the level that he can’t understand how to behave arojnd others (not pestering for an answer) and struggles to relay what has happened then irrespective of his age you need to make sure he is supervised

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 19:00

Trust me this neighbour hood had a lot of kids before they moved in a few months ago. It’s an ex raf marital quarters! Still
Some
Remaining raf families who’s children go to the school
And the rest of the houses are mainly occupied by families after the houses were sold off cheap!

OP posts:
HeartyGreenSalad · 26/03/2020 19:00

@Tru2thablu grow up ,its no laughing matter

Shootingstar2918 · 26/03/2020 19:02

It’s not fully unsupervised. I was in the kitchen cleaning up whilst my partner a key worker has to work a 12 hour shift.. . Not chilling watching tv. I have full view of the garden from the kitchen just missed the incident!

OP posts:
NeutralJanet · 26/03/2020 19:02

So your son was likely bellowing hello at your neighbour over and over until neighbour had enough and told him to stop?

Swipe left for the next trending thread