Neighbour told my kid off.

[Shootingstar2918]

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

My neighbour has a child with autism every bloody time I step in to my garden. “One, one, one, hello one, what are you doing one,” constantly drives me Barmy if I respond he wants to talk at me if I don’t he just keeps anyway. Mother never stops him as she’s never out there either. I just completely ignore don’t even turn my head anymore. On a stressful day however I could see me telling him to go away however More so in a lock down type stressful situation too.

He has the right to be in his garden without a child shouting hello well he doesn’t actually because it’s outside?

He has the right to the "quiet enjoyment of his property" and it's on this basis that I had a neighbour who was being a pain in the arse stopped.

If I had a child shouting hello to me every few seconds (if this is what happened), I wouldn't hesitate in telling it to shut up either.

I can't believe the arsey replies on here. My kitchen backs onto my garden and my two year old plays in the garden with her animals (toys) and water whilst I'm doing the dishes. Social services should be called according to the replies on here, jesus!

@Tru2thablu
We are in isolation,people need to be abit more lenient with our children. They aren't liking this staying home from school just as much as we aren't liking being stuck at home. Kid's are noisy. Kid's are inquisitive. Kid's don't listen 😂😂 tell your neighbor to stop being a shit cunt or you'll cough on him lololol nah, don't say that LOLOL

Really? You think that's appropriate? Absolutely appalling that you would even joke about this.

You’re the only one LOLOLing, Tru2. You’re not half the comedian you seem to imagine.

If Flamingo hadn't mentioned her neighbour is a girl I would've wondered if she's my neighbour- DS is a lovely child who is also incredibly irritating at times and talks constantly (even when playing alone!).

I routinely have to swoop in to save bewildered adults from the barrage of chit chat and occasionally even children as it just is too much.

Haven't RTFT but God I hate MN sometimes. Alot of imbeciles and trollls picking fights for no reason. Or possible very sad in their own lives?

tell your neighbor to stop being a shit cunt or you'll cough on him lololol nah, don't say that LOLOL

I'm not a violent person, but the moment you said that to me, would be the moment I'd knock your block off and worry about the consequences later. It's not even remotely funny.

😅😅😅 Violence Sir,is not the answer lolol smile or you are going to end up a bitter bitch. Lol

Thank Christ you’re not my neighbour, Tru2. And commiserations to anyone who has the misfortune to live in close proximity to you.
You’re a delight.

I would
Never tell another child
Off. I would
Speak
To their parents!

Beautiful haiku there, OP... 🙃

I have no problem with telling other people’s children off . I’ve done it before and I’d do it again. However , I’ve never felt the need to tell a child off in front of their parents.
Tbh unless we were there we don’t know what was said . Can you try to speak to your neighbour at some point and explain your child’s diagnosis? Some children do need to be treated differently but equally some children are just downright annoying . Your neighbour doesn’t know which one your child is at the moment .

Anyone else think Tru is immature 13 year old boy?

OP, if the neighbour being at the bottom of his garden is intruding on your privacy, have you considered that your child shouting "HELLO" until he gets a reply would be intruding on his privacy? Eh?

I think you need to wind your damn neck in and accept that you may be being unreasonable on this one. You don't know what happened, it's very simple. You may have been able to see your children but not be able to hear what was said.

But I'm sure you'll just keep coming back, defending every comment and not accepting that you might be even slightly unreasonable.

Op - id just forget it. These are very stressful times and people are feeling anxious. Don’t let your kids stop playing in the garden tho as it’s their right.

Op, you sound like a royal pain in the arse. If your son has meltdowns then I’m sure your neighbour has heard them in the past. If the neighbour doesn’t know that your ds has autism, then I wouldn’t blame him for thinking that your son is a brat and you enable him. If he was screaming and nothing you were doing was calming him down then he probably thinks you just have no control over your ds so what’s the point in engaging with you. If someone knew your son had asd, they would view the situation very differently. If he’s stood there shouting over the fence, then Im not surprised the neighbour told him to go away (even if he did say that). Based on your posts, it sounds like you would just make excuses for your son or tell your neighbour he is out of line instead of addressing the issue with your son. If your son at the age of 10 can’t be trusted to play in the garden then I suggest you supervise him instead if tidying up indoors.

Your child was at the bottom of your garden and your neighbour was at the bottom of his garden although judging by your earlier comment No need for him to be at the end of his towards ours your neighbour should not be allowed to stand at the bottom of his own garden.

Your child who has autism and apparently said 'hello' countless times to which the neighbour 'told him off' which I assume to mean told him to shut up. You don't understand why the neighbour was so unreasonable, all he had to do was say hello back and your son would have shut up. HOW IS THE NEIGHBOUR SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?

You further criticise him because he stands at the back of his garden over the fence you share to talk to another neighbour - loudly, whilst you were in the garden and you think that's rude.

So what you want is your neighbour to (a) not stand at the end of his own garden, (b) if he does then he should stop whatever he is doing and respond to your son's endless greetings immediately, (c) he should not be allowed to talk across your fence to another neighbour. No doubt you think he could suck all the oxygen out of your garden by doing that and (d) your neighbour should not have returned to his own house and should have realised that you wished to confront him.

Your child who has autism and apparently said 'hello' countless times to which the neighbour 'told him off' which I assume to mean told him to shut up. You don't understand why the neighbour was so unreasonable, all he had to do was say hello back and your son would have shut up. HOW IS THE NEIGHBOUR SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?

You further criticise him because he stands at the back of his garden over the fence you share to talk to another neighbour - loudly, whilst you were in the garden and you think that's rude.

I think there is a massive difference between a CHILD talking to a neighbour over the fence, and two neighbours talking across the fence with the OPs garden in the middle. A grown adult should know that is rude, a child not so much!

He has the right to be in his garden without a child shouting hello well he doesn’t actually because it’s outside?

I have always considered gardens to be extensions of my private home; and beyond a friendly mutual "morning" if I am out and my neighbour comes out too, we both just get on with whatever we're doing. Hanging out washing/reading a book/gardening is not a spectator sport needing commentary from next door, just the same as activities inside the house.

That said, my new neighbour does have children who do this, so I am actively discouraging them by saying a short "hello" once, then a combination of having my back to that fence/pretending not to hear them/flat out ignoring them. It seems to be working.

Remember: good fences make good neighbours

@Mamato2gorgeousboys. It was actually the first Bad meltdown he’s had in Months and they only moved in a short while ago. My two haven’t played outside once all winter Of course I was trying to calm him down. Where have I suggested I wasn’t. I am always trying to guide my son the best I can. I assume that you don’t have a child with additional needs and the issues that come with it? It’s the first time the neighbour would have encountered my son. I haven’t seen them much before. It’s not like it’s an ongoing issue. Some of the kids around here are out all day every day. Mine are not.

So much so we haven’t been outside again since. Feel like my own anxiety with the neighbours has stopped me letting my kids out to play at all. Wonderful at this time being stuck in the house!

my son wasn’t at his fence for ages. I think the mans dog was getting excited by the kids playing and it encouraged DS to go to the back of the fence. Prior to that DS wasn’t batting and eyelid at them. I left them for a very short time whilst I cleaned up. Jeez. Best call social services for leaving them outside in a secure garden!

DS is having real
Issues when people don’t respond to him. He is learning to socialise and act appropriately himself etc (he was non verbal until 5). When people don’t respond he keeps saying it until they do. Something we are totally working on but it isn’t coming naturally.

Funny how I’ve lived here for several years and never had an issue with any of my neighbours and get on with them all! We are not terrible neighbours!

Perhaps the neighbour isn’t NT? He may have been struggling.

for anyone who is saying I ignore my sons behaviour how did you even come to that assumption?? I absolutely do address all his behaviour and teach him write and wrong all the time. I don’t think anyone fully understands until you experience it yourself. We have never any issues with the neighbours for as long we we’ve lived here. He just wanted to introduce himself because he’s been taught to be kind and friendly to everyone. He wasn’t shouting over the fence. The poor boy is barely tall enough to reach the middle! He was looking at the mans dog through it. Funny how my son despite having autism is one of the best behaved in his school class. He has no major issues with behaviour. He’s just a bit loud and over powering at times!

But it’s ok.. I won’t send them outside again. the neighbours have been out every day all day in their garden. Don’t want to annoy them
Letting my kids out to play .

Right not write. Oops

We are going to buy a wide shed to put a long the back of the garden for privacy reasons.