Neighbour told my kid off.

[Shootingstar2918]

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

I understand that your priority is your son but you have no idea what your neighbour is going through. In these uncertain times, he could have been standing at the end of his garden trying to find some equilibrium. He could, providence forbid, have lost a loved one, there are any number of scenarios.

Likewise, he doesn’t know that your son won’t stop until someone replies. Some people are asking what sort of person doesn’t reply to a child? Maybe someone who has far more serious things on his mind.

You need to directly supervise all outside play at this difficult time for everyone. If you can’t, your boy needs to play inside when you’re busy.

I think a few people have missed that the guy in question was invading our own privacy earlier by being stood Up at the back Or his garden over our fence talking to our neighbour over the way whilst my kids played! That was an invasion Of our privacy !

No it wasn’t. He was standing in his own garden.

Fripp but the point is if the person just said a quick hello back there would be no repetition! It's not difficult to understand. This whole situation right now shows us that we don't live in isolation and we need common courtesy and community relationships.

Doing what?

Yelling at a child for shouting hello, or whatever it is "DS" did, which was verbal, probably non confrontational, and not physically damaging. I just really can't imagine any neighbour here reprimanding a child for repeatedly speaking, or even shouting, for that matter.

You need to supervise your children better. Be considerate towards your neighbours.

Shootingstar2918
I honestly didn’t know how many people hate children 🤣

Most people hate being annoyed by someone whatever the age.

my wasn’t lingering by his fence. He just went up to speak.

By your "thoughts" he repeatedly shouted "hello" at him.

think a few people have missed that the guy in question was invading our own privacy earlier by being stood
Up at the back
Or his garden over our fence talking to our neighbour over the way whilst my kids played! That was an invasion
Of our privacy !

you are starting to sound like the nightmare neighbours

I honestly didn’t know how many people hate children
I don’t think anyone’s said they hate children? It’s ok to admit that children are irritating, they are, just like adults are irritating.

In the supermarket today, a grown adult, not distancing and getting right up my backside with her basket= irritating.

Neighbours child, leaning over my fence and shouting constantly= irritating.

I like children, but when I’m in my garden to be honest it does really annoy me when they keep jabbering on. I smile politely and say hello because...what can you do. I always watch my dd and have more than once said “come away now leave them alone.” And the person either smiles in appreciation or says its fine and carries on chatting to her.

More serious things on their mind? I've lost my father very recently, have a child with a debilitating, serious illness and there's a world pandemic: I'd still find 2 seconds to say a simple hello. Hell, even if George Clooney had decided to call me and offer me a night of unbridled passion I'd have had a sec to say hello!

Sounds a very unfortunate incident but people are quite worried and stressed at the moment. I would let it go and let you son carry on as normal in the garden tomorrow. Keep an eye out and if anything further happens maybe pop a note through door explaining your son's condition. I do agree with you - I would never shout at someone else's child - always speak to the parent but maybe your neighbour is a bit "old school" ! Not an excuse but possibly a reason. Good luck and let it go.

the OPs son doesn't chose to be annoying, does he?
No, but the OP chooses to leave him unsupervised to annoy the neighbors.

I would Never tell another child Off. I would
Speak To their parents

And there you have it. You wouldn’t but lots would. This is not a serious thing OP get a grip

Yelling at a child for shouting hello, or whatever it is "DS" did, which was verbal, probably non confrontational, and not physically damaging. I just really can't imagine any neighbour here reprimanding a child for repeatedly speaking, or even shouting, for that matter.

But no one knows that’s what happened, the OP is assuming her son was trying to say hello, and assuming the neighbour shouted at her child but she wasn’t there and neither of her children can tell her what happened. It’s equally possible the neighbour didn’t reply, asked him not to call over the fence etc etc we don’t actually know.

choli so the OP needs to be stuck like glue to both her DC as they have ASN/ SEN, just in case they might possibly irritate the one neighbour who doesn't know them? If you had ASN/ SEN children you'd know how depressing that sentence sounds.

"bit weird why a man would be standing alone in his garden"

FGS it's his garden, people are getting told off for walking in the streets, leave the man in peace in his own bloody garden.

I'm not weighing in on the interaction with your child because as you say, you've no idea what actually happened. However, this isn't the time to be nitpicking people wrt how they choose to spend their time on lockdown.

It’s pointless even debating this as we have no idea of the facts. The man might not have said anything to the child, he may have simply become upset because the man didn’t acknowledge him. If the mother was supervising him then this incident would not have occurred and the child would not have had a meltdown and strangers on the internet would not be slagging off a man enjoying his own garden!

puffalicious I have a child with autism. I know I can’t leave him unsupervised in the garden, I know I need to be at very best within ear shot of him at all times.

It’s not ideal but it’s life!

Everyone’s different, Puffalicious

Yes, there is a pandemic, that’s exactly the point. OP has no idea about her neighbour’s current circumstances.

OP: “Neighbour upset my son, even though I don’t know what he said or did.
He should be more understanding of my sons additional needs, even though he doesn’t know he has them.
Neighbour shouldn’t stand at the end of his own garden.
I can’t leave my son alone for a moment, even though I did.”
Have I missed anything?

Currently, it's a pretty testing time for everyone with many people experiencing extreme financial hardship as well as worries over the health of family and friends. Not everyone is operating at their very best. Not an excuse, but possibly understandable.

Your neighbour also isn't a mind reader and wouldn't know that simply saying 'hi' back would stop your son repeatedly asking (if that is what he was doing), often a response can open the floodgates of conversation. As you didn't hear anything, he can't have shouted at your son, maybe he just asked him to go away?

Standing up over our shared fence over our garden to talk to the person next to our house. With the way it’s layed here they were talking loudly over the corner of our garden. Felt very invasive when we were in the garden!

I honestly can't blame the man for not wanting to talk to you about it, if your son was having a meltdown. He probably just wanted to get away from the noise and not have to deal with it. Maybe he even thought that it would only make things worse, since whatever he said the first time (?) had triggered such a massive reaction.

You're free to dislike him for it, of course. He's probably not your biggest fan, either, rightly or wrongly!

Stop trying to find reasons why he was unreasonable to tell you son off when you have no idea what really happened and therefore coming up with scenarios that suit your position. If you don't want to be in this situation, then don't leave your kids unsupervised for even 15 minutes.

Why should the guy come and talk to you when you were not there to see what happened?

Either accept that your kids will be told off if they do things that annoy others and your bit there to avoid it or be there at all time.

Of course instead of directing your energy trying to find blame on him, you could have tried to explain to your DS, in language he can grasp, why people might react negatively to some of his actions even if not meant to upset.

I wouldn’t want to speak to a child or adult who shouted hello through my fence either sorry OP. It would really annoy me too, I feel like my garden is an extension of my home and I wouldn’t want someone shouting hello through the windows either!

I’ve also heard from
Other sources (the woman who lives next door to him who is a friend of mine) that he hates her kids too. Makes me feel a bit better I suppose!