Introverts and Coronavirus

[didyoueverdancewiththedevil]

I am being massively unreasonable at the moment I'm afraid.

I am introvert and when I don't get time alone I feel very, very cross. This is obviously not ideal during normal times but at the moment my DH is driving me crackers. He knows that I need time alone by the way so this is not news to him.

He is now working from home. I am a fee earner dealing with Wills at a firm of solicitors so I am still working as demand is very high at the moment for obvious reasons.

He is there when I wake up.

He talks incessantly about shit until I go to work.

If he isn't talking to me he is talking to the cat.

If he isn't doing that they he is constantly clearing his throat very loudly and saying he has a tickle in his throat - he doesn't. He does this all of the time and it drives me batshit.

He bangs cupboard doors all of the time.

He sings loudly.

Even when he goes upstairs he is banging around.

When I get home he starts yapping away as soon as I step through the door and basically doesn't stop until he fucks off to bed.

So last night I had had enough of the constant noise. I have just gone very quiet and praying he goes to bed so that I can have just an hour on my own to recharge for work the next day. He went to bed in a mood because I wasn't really saying a lot and being quiet.

This morning he stomped off upstairs telling me that it isn't his fault that he has to work from home. The thing is I know it's not his fault but him being there all of the bloody time is driving me slowly around the bend. He won't just let me have any time at all to be on my own. If I say anything he sulks.

He gets cabin fever but he is going for a bike ride every day after I go to work so that gets it out of his system.

I asked him this morning if he couldn't exercise would he feel agitated and stressed. He said yes, so I said well this is the same for me but I have a need to have some time on my own, rather than exercising. He said that that's different.

I might have all of the time in the world on my own soon as I may place him underneath the patio and end up in prison.

Would it be at all unreasonable to shout "shut the fuck up!" when he starts again tonight, which he absolutely will, as he doesn't like being told what he can and cannot do?

Sorry, OP, I really feel for you. Please make sure you get out for a walk by yourself.

Why not use you're exercise time for alone time? I know its hard but everyone's in the same boat. We're on day 3 of isolation so cant even go for shopping or anything. Listening to dp eat his breakfast made me want to kill him but this is the reality.

I was only wondering about introverts being in their element (assuming no immediate health, family or job worries - or irritating OHs) at the mo.

There's threads about "the torture" of being single etc and being isolated. I'm really enjoying myself, though appreciate the situation could radically change in the future.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07GDR2LYK/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_3IjFEbZH05X3S

Noise cancelling headphones

I think if I put noise cancelling headphones on he would sulk for a month......(dreams of peace and quiet during the sulking period)

Just here to offer solidarity. I'm so desperate for time alone I could (and do) cry

Can you tell him, ‘Ok DH, let’s have a chat for half an hour and then after that I’m going to go into the bedroom and be on my own.’ Would a ‘time limit’ for talking to you work?

You're out at work all day. He's WFH all day. If his spouse can't tolerate him wanting to talk when you're there...poor bloke

I’m lucky in that my husband and I are both introverted so have been able to agree strategies for getting some alone time without anyone getting offended. But sweet Jesus, that colleague Cheryl who is wfh with us is pissing me off this morning.

The thing I’m finding hardest is politely getting out of extraverted friends’ suggestions for how we can all connect during lockdown. Let’s all have a video call and get drunk tonight! Seems kind of churlish to say, actually, getting drunk on my own is the least bad thing about this, and if the next rule to come out was that everyone else has to self-isolate forever but I could go wherever and whenever I wanted, that’d be totally fine.

I hear you, OP.

DH, me and DD17 are all natural introverts. We have maybe spoken 10 sentences all morning. Usually "fancy a cuppa?"

I am also torn though... DD19 is living away from home with her bloke - I really want her "home" even though I know she is totally fine and a part of her own household now, but I also could not put up with her incessant wittering if she was here. (feel guilty for wanting her here away from her home, and guilty for not wanting her here too...)

NewYearNewJob123 - I fully accept I might be very unreasonable in wanting some peace and quiet for an hour or so.

He feels the need to chat and by the time I get home I just can't be arsed because I have to speak to people all day long.

It really is not just the talking that is driving me up the wall, its the constant noise, loud yawning, pretending to have a cough (when he does not have a cough at all), general banging around, an inability to be quiet.

I do talk to him when I get in. At about 9.30pm he falls asleep on the sofa and starts snoring. At 10pm he usually goes to bed and then snores all night long keeping me aware. He then gets the arse if I go into the spare room.

My feelings really don't count to him as long as he is doing whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it. If he doesn't get his own way he sulks.

NewYearNewJob123 talking? fine. Incessant rambling on and on at the OP, the cat, himself, banging every door, stomping about, singing....not OK. Invading people's peace is not acceptable

I really feel your pain OP. There's a point where it starts to physically almost hurt - I can't quite explain it but it makes my skin crawl when I'm like that.

DH is quite an introvert, and the dc are being kept busy. I do use noise cancelling headphones. I'm getting just enough down time at the moment but let's say there is no creativity happening.

OP, if he sulks because you go into another room to get some sleep due to his snoring then you have a massive problem. It appears that your needs are not in anyway important in your relationship. You are there to make him happy regardless of your needs - including sleep

@NewYearNewJob123 I agree

Me too
My ds doesn’t stop singing
He has 8 documents to open for one bloody subject
My extrovert, loud sister is coming to stay with us
3 oldies self isolating who need assistance, one with Alzheimer’s
Everyone in my family wants me to make the decisions
And I’m 120,000 in the Ocado queue
LEAVE ME ALONE

Why doesn't he time his exercise for after you get home? You could have the house to yourself and recharge - he gets to calm down for when he returns ready to talk to you.

The NEED for silence and quiet is as real as the need for company/conversation.

Do you have to be in the one room together? Can you relax on the garden, watch TV in bed, read your phone in the dining room or go for a walk listening to music?

Just read your update:

'My feelings really don't count to him as long as he is doing whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it. If he doesn't get his own way he sulks.'

Let this man sulk for eternity!

My feelings really don't count to him as long as he is doing whatever he wants to do when he wants to do it. If he doesn't get his own way he sulks.

Let the selfish git sulk then, surely hes quieter then? Also you need to do what you want too...spare room and headphones. He cant have it both ways.

Go for a walk every day. Listen to music / podcasts on headphones when in the house. Take as many breaks as possible in the garden if you have one. Or in another room.

nibdedibble - This is how I felt last night. I had a tightness in my chest and I tried to relax but I just felt more and more wound up. I know he's on his own all day and wants company but he is talking to his friends and colleagues during the day so it isn't like he is completely isolated.

It just feels that I can never express anything without a huge sulk on his part. So I tiptoe around him and pretend everything is ok just to avoid a row.

If he asks me what's wrong I usually just don't tell him because he doesn't really want to know what's wrong - he wants an excuse to get out his "poor me, everything is my fault" card. I am not blaming him for my personality type. I just need time on my own like other people need company.

I’ve just re-read your OP. Sorry I misunderstood- I thought you were both working from home in the house at the same time. If you are still going out to work then I’d it not just a small amount of extra time you are spending together than you were before he started working from home? Or did you never really see each other at all?

NewYearNewJob123 - I fully accept I might be very unreasonable in wanting some peace and quiet for an hour or so

You're really, really not.

I imagine people like NewYearNewJob123 and anyone who voted YABU are just like your husband demanding constant attention and unable to comprehend that some people might be different to them.

I really feel for you, and I agree with the PP who said that it's almost like a physical pain. For an introvert, the constant noise/presence of another person with no let up is draining and exhausting.

honestly @NewYearNewJob123 you clearly have no idea what it is like being an introvert! OP isn’t saying she won’t speak to him, she’s just desperately in need of SOME alone time which to a true introvert is an absolute necessity in order to function, not just something nice.

It does sound like he isn’t interested in your needs OP and that is something new that needs to be addressed. I completely understand where you are coming from, this would drive me mad. Luckily I’m in isolation alone with just my five month old baby and while most people are worried about whether I’m ok, I actually really really am! :))