To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

I love my own company. I love having days to myself. I waited years to meet the "right" person because I much preferred being alone than with someone I didn't really like. But I also have an active social life and that is fundamental to most people's lives - no-one can comfortably go weeks without speaking to someone. Solitary confinement is a form of torture; humans and all primates are social animals.

Skipped ahead from page 5 so maybe I missed it, but OP admitted to having mental health struggles and then made several blatant allusions to suicide ("my life is worth less than married peoples", "it wouldn't matter if I died" etc).

In OP's case she's still here and hanging on commendably, taking advice from other posters and doing her best. Well done OP. Keep on fighting the good fight

However, we don't know that it would have turned out that way, and some posters were incredibly harsh on her, all but telling her to get over herself and try dealing with some real problems. This despite the fact that loneliness has a proven negative effect on mental health. I wonder if a woman in her seventies, able to Skype with her grandkids but posting about how hard she finds the lack of face to face contact, would have received anything like the same responses. Something tells me no.

Compassion shouldn't be a finite resource.

Coming back to OP's original posts: they contained a lot of red flags for suicidal ideation, whether OP currently feels that way or not. Is it not Mumsnet policy for a mod to immediately offer a link to supports (Samaritans, etc) when they see something like that?

Hi again, thought I'd better update.

I'm feeling loads better today. I think the ASD means it takes time to adjust to new circumstances, plus (as it turns out) had raging PMT too.

I've had some nice contacts with friends and for the first time in over a week a relatively decent nights' sleep.

I also dropped of shopping for a friend yesterday, and I'll probably get flamed for this but I took a flask and sat on a rock in the garden having a chat and coffee with them from about 3-4m away (a lot of mishearing, haha). In the circumstances we both felt it came under the "care for a vulnerable person" bit, mutually caring.

Thanks to the posters who showed empathy and kindness. Funny how those who are in a difficult position themselves (eg. frontline staff) seem to be the most understanding.

Take care everyone.
Feel able to work on projects today.

Well said @contactusdeletus

Really happy to hear your update, @VirtualHugsAllRound

Pleased to hear that! 😊

Really glad you feel better today

Oh good! So happy to read this. Nothing wrong with own flask of tea 3-4m away from a friend when you needed to do that journey anyway, it’s a great idea and you should do more of it. PMT’s a bastard, isn’t it, and insomnia too. Thanks for updating.

I think it's toughest for single parents of small children. At least if you are single you can read/watch TV/go crafts/online learning, but if you have small children you can't even do those things.

It's good to hear from you OP. You sound so much better and it sounds like you're figuring out how best to look after yourself in our new and strange circumstances. Really happy for you that you're finding things which help

I agree @fishonabicycle
I am a single parent to two teens and apart from the odd row it is ok.

12 year ago when they were 2 an 4 this would have been sheer hell.
Heart goes out to any single mum stuck alone witheir tiny kids. It is a tough time anyway.

I think it's toughest for single parents of small children

Lots of people are struggling with this. Its not a competition and it's not fair to minimise other people's struggles with some weird hierarchy. Yes it's hard for some single parents. And it's also very lonely and isolating for others that don't have anyone at home.

I'm glad you've found a chink of happiness, OP.

I haven't. I don't mean this in a 'oh, feel sorry for me' way. I mean it in a 'this is shit for loads of people' way.

I have, obviously, spoken to my teenagers today. There was a massive argument between them, and I had to referee.

I haven't spoken to anyone else, though.

Agree that there's no heirarchy of difficultness. We all have our problems.

Oh, both my teenagers are autistic, btw. It adds to the interest.

VirtualHugsAllRound

It's horrible op, and I'm sorry.

I'm being shielded but my husband is a key worker so we aren't in the same room together, at all. We sleep in separate rooms and I go up to bed before he comes in. My children have stayed in their university town and can't come home.

It feels like solitary confinement and there's no end in sight. I'm getting so angry with the people arguing that it's their right to go to the park, make multiple shopping trips, make their one exercise period last all day.

Figs, why can't they all just stay in so we can get this gone asap? They've got no idea what some of us are going through.

Op I'm also single and have had some mental health issues and i'm also finding aspects of this extremely hard. I'm lucky in lots of ways too so on balance I'm ok plus I have lots of support from friends but there is something v difficult about facing this alone as opposed to with a partner and/or children. I just wanted to say you aren't alone. I find focusing on just the present day really helps as does keeping busy with different projects. I am trying not to visualise this lasting too long as it makes things worse and no one knows quite what will happen. The days do start to go more quickly if you're busy

Is it not Mumsnet policy for a mod to immediately offer a link to supports (Samaritans, etc) when they see something like that?

They have commented and did point the OP in the direction of other resources. Can't remember what I'm afraid.

OP, I am really pleased for you - things sound much less grim, and you are more upbeat.
Why not plan your daily exercise (you are allowed out each day, if not infected or exposed) so that it can include a chat from safe distance with a friend? As long as you observe the 2 metre rule, it could help your mental health hugely to know that you will never be more than 24 hours away from a human interaction. Also make full use of phone, skype, and places like Mumsnet to keep feeling connected and supported.
I understand your feelings - I live alone and am currently ill with covid (day 6, getting exhausted), so I can’t go out at all. Nights are particularly scary when my breathing is tight. But I take comfort from whatever I can, including my church (my minister leaves home cooked food on my doorstep!), and regular online chats, and I know the lockdown won’t last forever.
Keep on trucking, OP. We will all adapt to this temporary new normal, and find ways to cope and help each other through. You are not as alone as you think. God bless.

Why not plan your daily exercise (you are allowed out each day, if not infected or exposed)

Or in the shielded group.

Babdoc Why not plan your daily exercise (you are allowed out each day, if not infected or exposed) so that it can include a chat from safe distance with a friend?

I would love to do this, and if I could the social isolation wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately I don't have loads of friends as it is, and most of them are either too far away (ie. not in immediate local area) or are in lockdown with family members or friends so not feeling the need themselves to meet like this. This is really adding to the feeling that without my own family, I don't belong/am not wanted anywhere. Although my closest friend (we have history...) said he couldn't bear to do the distance thing as he'd probably cry, which is shit but nice at the same time...

Take care and get well soon xx

I am worried about my sibling who lives alone so op yanbu.
Yes it is tough for everyone and empathy goes a long way.

Glad you are feeling better op.

I'm actually ok with this, to be honest...but as an introvert, it just means I no longer have to invent reasons to stay at home and shut out the world. I'm perfectly content to be inside by myself 🤷‍♀️ I can call or face time my family and friends if I want/need to, but apart from my own children, who I do actually want to speak to regularly of course, I rarely feel the need to call anyone else. I do, of course, absolutely understand and empathise with anyone who needs regular physical contact with others though...it must be really difficult!! Lots of my friends have signed in to an app called House Party...I'm guessing it's some kind of multi 'keep in touch' app where lots of like-minded sociable people can chat together...this might be something you could try OP?

OP, could you ask your local volunteer or church group if someone could come round to yours, say once every day or two, and chat from 2 metres away, for mental health support? I know lots are doing telephone support, and doorstep deliveries etc. They could take this on for you without risk or breaking distancing guidelines.

May I add that you are equally loved and valued by God, even if you are a lifelong hermit with not a single friend or family member!
Your “worth” does not depend on the size of your social circle. Think of some vain pointless self obsessed celebrities with millions of hangers on - do you seriously think they are better people than you?! Of course not!
Maybe this period of isolation will give you the chance to love yourself a little more - and to explore why you were so down on yourself. You are doing your best to cope. Give yourself credit for every day that you get through.
Re-read all the messages of support on here. Lots of love and encouragement for you. Start believing us, OP, we are a tough bunch and we don’t take no for an answer! God bless.