To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

Thanks purplecat
The desk thing is a good idea.

I'm really surprised the amount of people who don't seem to understand how bad isolation is for people. It makes me wonder if I'm super sensitive to it because of previous trauma. It is certainly bringing up painful reminders. Normally being "safe" and not alone in the present helps but this is like my worst nightmares coming true.
SOrry if i'm not making much sense. This is very difficult

OP you can do group video calls on house party or FaceTime.

NastyOldBag

I’m sorry but I don’t have much empathy to spare when I have a Dh who is genuinely risking his life at the moment and I’m incredibly ill, stuck inside with 2 young dc and no chance of a break for the foreseeable future.
I'm sorry you are in that horrible situation. Many people are going through difficult circumstances though and clearly the OP is suffering in her situation too.

Were you incredibly ill before the CV crisis or do you think you may have it? It must be very hard to be at home trying to care for children when you are feeling so poorly. Does your husband absolutely need to go to work - is he a medic - or could he take time off and go back to work when you are feeling better?

Your post made me think of this OP I watched it yesterday

It must be really really hard to be home alone at such an anxious time, especially if you get ill. I am sorry you are finding it hard op

However, I think it must be much harder if you are elderly or frail or a lone parent. Or have dc with SEN.

OP, you can set your own schedule. Lie in and go to bed when you want. Eat what you want (within reason). Set your own schedule. Study and exercise. Work on creative projects. Arrange to Skype friends and have a coffee on-line with them. Declutter and bake.

It might be helpful if you could "reframe" this situation in your mind from being "punishment" and "torture" to being a time when you can regroup, write a diary , rest, take up a new hobby etc I know that doesn't help much if you are an extrovert at heart but it could help you feeling less upset.

Also could you do something for others? Volunteer to help the NHS if you are in UK? Could you set up a group on Facebbok group on your street and help deliver supplies to the elderly and those si?

Some of the replies on here are harsh. The op is clearly suffering with her mental health, being isolated from people is a known trigger so please try and be a bit kinder.

Yes, it's shitty, I wouldn't necessarily use the word "torture" but it is difficult, and not great for ones mental health.
Most of the time I'm fine about it, then something (in retrospect) stupid will really piss me off, and it's hard to get it in perspective, Although friends have all said ring/zoom any time, I really don't want to take advantage of that when something's made me in a bad mood.

Mindfulness downloads seem a bit trite.
Imagining myself with the alternatives of being stuck in alone - having to share my space with someone else 24/7, or with a bunch of tetchy kids, works for me.

Ok probably get flamed for this, but I went for a walk yesterday and saw one of my neighbours in her front garden. So we had a ten minute conversation across the road. We had to shout a bit, but it was nice to have the interaction.

Well the whole be kind thing seems to have gone out of the window for some people. It's not a competition about whose having the worst time.

Most single people I know socialise and go out and about a lot normally, so this is a big change and yes, it is tough for them. We are keeping contact via social media but it's not the same and I feel for them.

I’m on my own too, and am just coming out the other side of a significant mental health crisis that started last year when I split with my long term partner. It is hard, really hard. A lot of progress over the last few months in terms of establishing routine and working on my sleeping pattern has all but been undone in the space of a few days.

But I’ve been focusing on starting new hobbies that I never would have time for before. I’m in constant contact with various friends and family over text, phone calls and video.

But most of all I thank my lucky stars that this didn’t happen while I was still in that relationship, in isolation with him. That would have been infinitely more damaging to my mental health, so I think every day of all the people in abusive relationships now confined to close quarters with people who will do them genuine harm every day.

It’s all about looking for positives, trying to give yourself some sort of routine and trying to use this as a period of reflection, for me anyway.

I'm really surprised the amount of people who don't seem to understand how bad isolation is for people. - Really you are surprised that people don't understand? Of course we understand. The point is everyone is struggling and for many it is terrible. It is not that people don't have any understanding, (how patronising), it is that they are pointing out that your situation is neither unique nor the worst it could be. It is that they are trying to suggest positive ways to help. I think they understand very well indeed.

OP - we are all struggling.

@InTheSummerhouse

Do not be ridiculous. It is terrible for a lot of people.

Try being elderly, ill and reliant on carers - who don't come. Try being the mother to a disabled or autistic child and unable to go out. Try being the sole carer for your demented father who does not understand why he cannot go out and has to be told again every five minutes; or the wife of an abusive , bullying partner; or the mother of a young NHS front line doctor - or indeed a frontline worker yourself.
As a PP said, it isn't a competition.

Please get some perspective. I would much rather be single than any of the above. Maybe think about what you can do to help others instead.
Can you please show empathy or not post at all? Clearly the OP has poor MH. You don't refer to it ultimately not mattering if you die unless you aren't in a good headspace. Have some humanity, please.

You're being overly dramatic. It's not torture and of course not having a partner or children does not mean your life is worth less than someone who does.

How many people do you usually see day to day, Op?

Can you go out for a walk with a friend?

Or just a walk so that you can see others out & about-would that help or make you feel worse?

I was going to trot out some anecdotes for you to demonstrate that it’s equally shit for everyone and there’s no point making comparisons. And then I realised that’s stupidly hypocritical. Everyone is having a hard time. I honestly think the healthiest way to get through it is to try and remember that and not judge or get angry about other people’s situations and coping strategies.

Fairyliz

Ok probably get flamed for this, but I went for a walk yesterday and saw one of my neighbours in her front garden. So we had a ten minute conversation across the road. We had to shout a bit, but it was nice to have the interaction.
No flaming from me. It doesn't seem to flout the rules.

I feel for you OP, it must be very difficult if you live alone.

Could you perhaps try and sort an alternative for if this happens again after this initial lockdown is lifted? Perhaps a family or friend you could go and stay with?

Must be worse for those in abusive relationships.

I'm struggling with it as a relatively new widow (a year ago) - the panic that if I die from it I will leave my son an orphan. He's more likely to get it than me because of his job, but I can't think about that. It is really difficult for everyone but if you don't have a partner you don't have anyone top decompress to. I hear you, OP.

Yanbu to be upset. Yabu to think this isn't torture for everyone.
I'm stuck in with 2 SN DC, the youngest doesn't sleep age 5 has a fear of outdoors, wind, rain, loud noises I've spent months paying for OT helping him adjust to the outside now we are at square one, the eldest suffers dark moods and ASD, the balancing act is trying.
My DM's carer is no longer coming she's COPD dementia and other issues my 75 y o dad is trying to manage.
Life is a struggle for everyone.

Really you are surprised that people don't understand? Of course we understand. The point is everyone is struggling and for many it is terrible. It is not that people don't have any understanding, (how patronising), it is that they are pointing out that your situation is neither unique nor the worst it could be. It is that they are trying to suggest positive ways to help. I think they understand very well indeed.

Anyone who thinks it is positive or helpful to minimise another person’s struggles by telling them they have no right to feel bad because other people have it worse categorically does not understand poor mental health and is in fact contributing hugely to the problem.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.refinery29.com/amp/en-gb/what-is-toxic-positivity

It's very, very hard, OP, and having a huge impact on a lot of people, but it is not deliberate torture, it is not aimed at making single people feel like they've failed, it is not about making people feel that families are more important.

I don't think we share the same understanding of torture, OP, nor probably other things too.

What does it have anything to do with being single relationship wise. It’s about living alone.

You can be in a relationship and live alone and be single and love with other people.

I have no interest in being in a relationship. Don’t confuse that with wanting to live alone.

OP has disclosed she has MH difficulties and I think it’s really unnecessary for people to come along and say how much worse it is for others. Her distress is valid and some people are being harsh.