To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

@Accidentalaccountant as a childfree female in 30s, I get that...

We all have the same yet different problems.

I can highly recommend (now many have extra time) The Subtle art of not giving a fuck. Read it. Everyone.

You can’t report me for not reading 17 pages of comments. I read the OP and answered it.

You don't have to read 17 pages. Just read Op's updates which are in a different colour...
And obviously when there is more pages there is more information 🙄 Lazy

@BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser I know logically that being single is not a failure but it’s the way I’m feeling right now. I’ve only ever really wanted a partner and a family and I’ve been trying for years and I’ve never even got close.

Oh, and the rest of my life is really awesome but that doesn’t take away the pain of being permanently alone.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen i get it. Just wanted you all to know, not everyone is judging.
My husband and I had to move countries and continents to meet. Time will come. And if not, it's not something others should judge

Thank you for the reassuring message; it’s genuinely encouraging. I’m trying to see the silver lining to this situation but sometimes it gets to me.

and the importance of staying in to protect the vulnerable

I wish people could stop sprouting that nonsense about vulnerable. Yes, they are MORE at risk, obviously.

How many deaths do you need, how many proofs of young, healthy, sporty, active people being killed by the virus?

Until people recognise everyone is at risk, they won't feel that bothered about it.

I am not sure people really understand what being isolated means.

This. How can anyone call themselves isolated when they are writing on MN, communicating with hundreds of other people? I have sympathy for people with MH issues, but there are others complaining who just need to get a grip and try to learn how to be resilient. Life has changed for everyone at the moment, learn how to deal with it and stop whining.

That wasn't directed at you OP - sorry if it sounded like it was.

'Torture' really? Lol. I live alone. I'm perfectly happy if I see a mate or two once every couple of months and sod all else. And if I dont see them then it isn't torture, it's just a little sad. Some people arent half drama lamas.

I think there's an awful lot of people out there who haven't learned to be content in their own company. Fair enough if you are going through mental illness of some sort but if you are a healthy, happy human being then being on your own for a few weeks really shouldnt be a big deal.

Have you got any hobbies try and set yourself a daily challenge. It is hard but if you take each day at a time you will get through.

Hmm actually re-reading it ...ok that made me sound a wee bit dicky lol. I appologise.
Try not to watch the news too much. I think that probably makes it harder and more scary. Get Netflix on and start a new series. Or pick up a book. Just take it hour by hour. It'll get easier.

Can you get a therapist/psychotherapist who you can talk to via Skype etc?
They might be able to prescribe you something to help too.

I feel the same. I feel like a caged animal. I don't know how I can get through today.

I am normally fine in my own company when I'm out and aboit or doing something. But not day after day in the same flat.

Last night I had a bit of a mini episode and smashed a mug and started banging my head on the floor.

I've never done anything like that or even felt depressed. But now every day feels like just one big pointless saga. I'm dreading the weekend as I won't even have work to try and do.

My sister has banned me from seeing her and my nieces which just breaks my heart.

I've been calling friends on the phone everyday but it isn't the same.

Its 3am and I'm already awake can't feel so bleak. I can't bear this.

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie. I've got a few ideas for things I'm going to do on the weekend which might help ease that dread... Online learning course to further your career (I'm considering a Web development one or statistics but it could be anything). There are lots of offers and free ones out there atm. Tidying the garden Reading a new novel Clearing and organising my cupboards Facetime and drink with friends Get Disney plus (free for 7 days) and binge watch some films Paint my garden walls Start a new project (I work in tech so many diff ideas on this) - let me know if you fancy this and I can be more specific. Download a game and get obsessed I'm going to dye my hair pink finally

When you feel on the point of an episode try a breathing exercise. I know it's hard to tear yourself away from your feelings and into something productive. There's an app called Breath2Relax which is good. Also headspace/calm for meditation.

I would really recommend setting yourself a goal. Eg. Practice yoga every day. You will come out of this feeling like you've done something good for you and it will help to build a routine.

Xx

THANK YOU @Pennyandthejets. Genuinely. That's a really thoughtful post. I do have a few ideas to try I just need to stop the despair descending so I can do them! I really appreciate your reply.

@VirtualHugsAllRound

What about volunteering for NHS- possibly would be putting yourself at risk but good way to actually meet people?

@Wanderlust21 this true. Being single and isilated is hard until you get to the other side of that.
I may have overshot.

It might be helpful if you could "reframe" this situation in your mind from being "punishment" and "torture" to being a time when you can regroup, write a diary , rest, take up a new hobby etc  I know that doesn't help much if you are an extrovert at heart but it could help you feeling less upset.

This!
I have renamed it 'retreat' for this very reason!

I'm single and plan on staying that way forever. My ex put me off relationships for life. I don't feel like a failure and nor should anyone else. Take it from someone who has been in both situations, it is far better to remain single than to stay in an unhappy or abusive relationship.

The isolation is easier for me coz I have kids at home but I work constantly so am not used to being stuck inside. I'm filling my time learning new things and honing my tech skills on udemy along with catching up with study. If you're feeling at a loose end take some online courses. There are loads of free ones on udemy, open university and the learning group.

There are lots of really excellent positive responses above. There are also some that I find very poor form. I think it is a very bad reflection 90% of the time when people respond to another's distress with expressions like "get a grip" or "stop whining", often in the UK used in conjunction with a reference to the Second World War. Many of the people who lived through that experience did emerge with long-term mental health issues and would not have chosen to be in the situation they were in. Some may have shown relative fortitude, some may not. If you use that as an opportunity to look down on the latter then in my eyes you are lacking in fundamental humanity. It is as if there are a group of people who disdain everyone who has not lived through war, and are angry with them for being born in peacetime.The result is a society full of people who seem to dislike each other and have no sense of community. When there are "pulling together" events like the laudable community efforts since the current restrictions, they are highlighted and praised to the skies precisely because they are so unusual. I don't see what you are achieving by posting unsympathetically on a thread like this. You're simply exposing yourself as someone who goes around looking to exploit other peoples'misery for your own ends and you'd be better off not posting at all.

The result is a society full of people who seem to dislike each other and have no sense of community.

Quite. Millenials are all snowflakes who spend all their money on avocado toast, and boomers live in million pound houses that they bought for 50p and spend all their money on cruises. Yawn.

Oh, and the rest of my life is really awesome but that doesn’t take away the pain of being permanently alone.

It took me until my mid 40s to find a partner right for me and by that point it was too late for me to start a family. But the biggest regret of my life isn't that I don't have children. The biggest regret is that in my mid 30s, feeling under pressure to start a family, I got into a relationship with someone completely unsuitable for me and he wrecked my life in many ways.

As lonely as being long-term single can be, the loneliness of being with someone not right for you is worse. It's so painful being with someone and realising that you're still lonely. So to anyone single and wanting to change it, really do continue to be picky about what you want and what you will accept. It's corny but do value yourself for who you are on your own.

Simply being able to produce the next generation isn't what gives us value, or what would be the point of anything? Just existing to reproduce? No. Making the place better whilst you are in it, even in very small ways, is something to aim for.

Wanderlust21 I think there's an awful lot of people out there who haven't learned to be content in their own company. Fair enough if you are going through mental illness of some sort but if you are a healthy, happy human being then being on your own for a few weeks really shouldnt be a big deal.

I don't think being content in your own company is necessarily the opposite of needing social interaction. I'm totally happy potttering around, doing my thing. I spend most of my time alone. I have solo creative hobbies. But I also really need a certain amount of social interaction and meaningful relationships in my life, in order to function anywhere near optimally.

Also, I don't think this is going to be over in a few weeks. I suspect lockdown will be at least 6 weeks, but even under social distancing I can't see loved ones, or hug anyone.