To say no to his kids coming over?

[netflixandsleep1]

My DP has two daughters for previous relationship age 7 and 8. Generally healthy children, they come to ours Thursday (usually after school) - Sunday evening.

We have our own DD, she's nearly two and she has chronic lung disease along with a list of other conditions (hydrocephalus, low muscle tone etc) but since leaving hospital her lungs have been her biggest issue.

Since Boris announced the lockdown we haven't got anywhere other than round the block for a walk of fresh air and disinfecting everything as we go!! Yesterday, DP spoke to his DD on FaceTime and he asked if she'd been staying at home and she was confused and said no they have been to moms friends, nans, great nans, Asda and the playground. Their mom then came on the phone effing and blinding saying how dare we ask what they are doing () and what she does in her own time is her business.

Fair enough.

My first reaction was that they cannot come over then as their mom hasn't enforced the guidelines and my daughters life is potentially at risk and DP is saying they can have a bath as soon as they get here etc I explained if they have contracted the virus they might not have symptoms but everything they cough, sneeze, touch will also get infected! We haven't spoken since yesterday evening as I'm pretty adamant however I'm not worrying I'm being too harsh.

Thanks

@netflixandsleep1 tell your DP that if your DD did catch anything and God forbid had to be hospitalised then that means your 2 year old DD travelling in an ambulance on her own and staying in hospital on her own. Does he understand this? Because this was how I got through to DS's dad. DS has taken many ambulance rides due to asthma when he was younger, I would have to be physically restrained to stop me going with him!

He can see his other kids and split his time
And IF they have it and pass it to him and he brings it to OP's home and passes it on to his very vulnerable DD - that's OK is it?
FFS - people are fucking imbeciles!!!

The dad has the kids nearly 50% of the time doing Thursday - Sunday and he can’t just drop that
He absolutely can and he absolutely has to!!!!
Unless he wants the death of his very at risk 2 YO DD on his hands!
I despair, I really do!
WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THIS!????
ARE THERE REALLY THAT MANY THICK AND STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE???
I really don't believe there are - so stop behaving as if you are!!!!!

it's a NO from me OP... keep your child safe

@BoxOfBabyCheeses - that’s not actually true. They don’t separate you from your kids if your child has Coronavirus. That’s fake news.

This emergency and keeping people alive trumps all the normal rules about "fairness" and the need for NRPs to see their kids

When one member of a household is classed as very vulnerable,
then all members of that household must isolate themselves until this crisis is over,

.... other than - when necessary - one adult making the bare minimum of shopping trips and then immediately stripping & showering thoroughly

chocolatesaltyballs22 - the government has been clear that children are still allowed to travel between households if they have 2 parents.

@olawisk if the dad is moving between households each time he risks bringing the virus to his 2 year old who could die if she gets it. The other children can wait until the risk has reduced. I cannot understand how some people still don't understand how this virus spreads.

the government has been clear that children are still allowed to travel between households if they have 2 parents

They can, yes, but where one family is not social distancing and the other family has a child who could die if contracts the virus then they should not be travelling between families.

@hellsbellsmelons sadly yes, there are many morons around, that’s why this virus spreads so quickly.
Now await “be kind” brigade as confronting/ challenging anybody is considered as bad as bullying nowadays.
Inconsiderate arseholes.

I know how the virus spreads I said he should have them elsewhere for a longer period of time and then isolate and then spend time with his DD.

He doesn’t stop being a dad because of a virus.

And to the poster that said about me having a bad experience with an ex no I haven’t

What’s inconsiderate is ditching your kids for 3 months.
He can spend a month and a half with the OP and then rent a air bnb for a month and spend some time with his other kids.

"They don’t separate you from your kids if your child has Coronavirus. "

At the moment, they don't
They hopefully will never need to do so, if people obey the social distancing rules and this crisis doesn't get out of control

However, if the NHS gets as swamped as the health service in Italy, then they will do whatever necessary to keep patients, staff & public safe
Like Italy is doing now.
Doctors would then have to make far worse decisions than merely separating parents from children

No YANBU.

Does your husband not understand the meaning of contagion?

Yadnbu

"He doesn’t stop being a dad because of a virus."

and stopping the virus is far more important than an NRP not seeing his kids in person for a few months

• he still remains their dad

And where is going to isolate when between homes and for how long do you suggest?
Does he have a 2nd home where he can be just be by himself???
Doubt it!!!!

@Olawisk like I said before, if his ex had followed social distancing guidelines then I have no issue with my stepchildren coming over.

My daughter is my main priority at this moment in time. If they want to see each other they can make arrangements however that will be the last time he steps foot in or out of this house until this is all over as I'm not even seeing my own family who I am very close to, to keep her safe.

@olawisk I can send you our bank details if you want to pay for his hotel? As obviously that is just ridiculous

1. A bath isn't going to help

1. There is some evidence of asymptomatic transmission, i.e. they may be able to pass on the virus before showing any symptoms themselves so even if they seem healthy they may not be.

So it would be a hard no from me and completely irresponsible of their mother for exposing them to all of those scenarios

@netflixandsleep1 - he should be paying if he wants to see his kids instead of just leaving them for months on end.

I'm the wicked step mother stopping contact!

You haven't stopped contact, his ex has stopped the contact. She has refused to follow Government guidelines, presumably she knows about your DD's health issues. She is the one your DH should be angry with, not only has she has left you in an incredibly difficult position regarding your DD but she has also placed his other two children at risk. He is VVU to blame you for her recklessness.

OP you are not being unreasonable in the slightest.
Anyone who thinks you are just hasn't thought the issues through properly.

DH will still be a dad to all of the dc but he cannot see both while a pandemic means that the dc he lives with needs shielding.

There is no way round this. Talk of mythical second homes is ridiculous.

YA (absolutely)NBU

Thank you to all the sane people!!