To say no to his kids coming over?

[netflixandsleep1]

My DP has two daughters for previous relationship age 7 and 8. Generally healthy children, they come to ours Thursday (usually after school) - Sunday evening.

We have our own DD, she's nearly two and she has chronic lung disease along with a list of other conditions (hydrocephalus, low muscle tone etc) but since leaving hospital her lungs have been her biggest issue.

Since Boris announced the lockdown we haven't got anywhere other than round the block for a walk of fresh air and disinfecting everything as we go!! Yesterday, DP spoke to his DD on FaceTime and he asked if she'd been staying at home and she was confused and said no they have been to moms friends, nans, great nans, Asda and the playground. Their mom then came on the phone effing and blinding saying how dare we ask what they are doing () and what she does in her own time is her business.

Fair enough.

My first reaction was that they cannot come over then as their mom hasn't enforced the guidelines and my daughters life is potentially at risk and DP is saying they can have a bath as soon as they get here etc I explained if they have contracted the virus they might not have symptoms but everything they cough, sneeze, touch will also get infected! We haven't spoken since yesterday evening as I'm pretty adamant however I'm not worrying I'm being too harsh.

Thanks

@netflixandsleep1

No no and no again!! You absolutely have to keep your child safe.

You are not the wicked step mum, you didn’t make the rules did you? The government and the leading medical experts have!!

And the advise is to keep elderly and people with underlying medical conditions as safe as we can using common sense!!

If he’s so keen to see them let him go but do not let them into your house or your DP back in until this is all blown over.

If there is one things Covid 19 has demonstrated its how many idiots we have going around!!

The stupid bitch is perfectly at liberty to put her children at risk.

She has zero right whatsoever to put your child at risk.
Your DP is being an ignorant prick and if I were you I’d seriously struggle to forgive his casual attitude to safeguarding your child’s life.
Stand your ground. Your DD needs someone to be on her team.

Your daughter is not her issue though and she’s within her right to drop them off to there dad.
He needs to find somewhere else to go and then isolate for a couple weeks and then come back to you. He needs to see both sets of kids, not just yours even if that means he ends up spending less time with you. He doesn’t just stop being a dad for 3 months to his other kids.

The issue here though is that the ex is not conforming to the social distancing rules. If she was, then there would be no issue with the kids going between the two households as per government guidelines. So it is the ex’s problem that the kids can’t see their dad and if I was him I’d be well annoyed at his ex.

They shouldn't come over anyway. Wherever they were when first (supposed to be) self isolating is where they should stay.

Thanks everyone. Is ex had stayed at home like the majority of us I honestly wouldn't have an issue.

PP said why are my childcare needs more important than hers... quite frankly I don't care about anyone's childcare issues! I care about my daughters health so if my DP wants to stay elsewhere for a while then so be it, I was just saying the whole "why should she do all the childcare" is completely invalid in this situation

Is your dp still going to work?

Of course they shouldn’t come over.
Even if their mothers promises she will self isolate properly I would not trust her (not with my child’s health). I would not want them over until the pandemic is over.

It’s not ideal by any means for his other children but this is a highly unusual situation. He can make it up to them after.

Yesterday, DP spoke to his DD on FaceTime and he asked if she'd been staying at home and she was confused and said no they have been to moms friends, nans, great nans, Asda and the playground. Their mom then came on the phone effing and blinding saying how dare we ask what they are doing (confused) and what she does in her own time is her business.

Right now, it's everyone's business. Because she's putting people at risk.

@Waveysnail No he is self-employed so he finished all work last Friday.

YANBU, but this is very tricky as of course he and his DD want to see each other! But for 3 months he'll need to see her somewhere else, which could work if he and his ex were able to talk things through properly.

Then he'd have to self isolate from your DD, though. (I've had to from my DDs because I have suspected COVID-19.

You have to decide with dh if he continue to see his dd and stays away from you and your dd

Or doesnt see his other dds physically for few weeks

Your dd is your priority dont put her at risk

YANBU. Your husband is ridiculous

A few posters on here are completely missing the point and @Olawisk - you are off your fucking rocker with what you’re suggesting (also massively projecting). This is about households, not tit for tat “boo boo, why should one parent do all the childcare”. It’s about separating households, especially where there’s a vulnerable person.

Unbelievable.

Is your DD on the shielding list?

Show the stupid Ex her letter.

Another case of a fucking stupid human being.

OP even if your daughter wasnt in such a vulnerable group you should still not have your SDC over because they are coming into contact with so many people.

I am starting to think that people who flagrantly put others at risk because they dont seem to understand "not mixing with others" should be locked in a room together until this is all over.

Your daughter is not her issue though and she’s within her right to drop them off to there dad.
He needs to find somewhere else to go and then isolate for a couple weeks and then come back to you. He needs to see both sets of kids, not just yours even if that means he ends up spending less time with you. He doesn’t just stop being a dad for 3 months to his other kids.

I'm sorry but this is the worst utter bollocks advice I've seen on this subject. She is not within her rights to drop her kids off with their dad if they have not been socially isolating. It's not about him stopping being a dad, it's about keeping everyone safe.

Good God, I really do despair sometimes that people quite clearly do not understand the rules. I hope to God that Boris puts stricter ones in place very soon to stop all of the fuckwits doing whatever they please.

Some absolutely stupid people on this thread.

OP YANBU. This isn’t a usual situation and I’d be shocked that your dh and his ex would throw your child under the bus like this. I’d probably never speak to her again and be raging with your dh

I think you are being unreasonable if they have not got symptoms then why not?

At this stage, people are still ignorant of the fact that you can have the virus and pass it on to others before you are symptomatic yourself, or without ever becoming symptomatic yourself? Really?!

@MellowBird85 - how am I projecting I’m self isolating with my kids and my partner Who are my kids dad! and have been for a week. What exactly am I meant to be projecting?!

Dunno @olawisk but you are talking utter shit nonetheless.

Olawisk, you're saying the ex shouldn't be expected to do all the childcare alone for 3 months but if OP asks her partner to move out for the time then she is doing all the childcare alone for 3 months. Do you think the ex is more deserving than the OP whose child is actually at risk? If everyone just followed the bloody rules no one would have to parent alone for 3 months!

The stupidity of the step mother haters is strong in this thread.

A dad can’t just go 3 months without seeing his kids. He can’t put his child with the op infront of his other kids for that amount of time.

He can see his other kids and split his time.

I just said SPLIT HIS TIME.

I never said either are more deserving.