To say no to his kids coming over?

[netflixandsleep1]

My DP has two daughters for previous relationship age 7 and 8. Generally healthy children, they come to ours Thursday (usually after school) - Sunday evening.

We have our own DD, she's nearly two and she has chronic lung disease along with a list of other conditions (hydrocephalus, low muscle tone etc) but since leaving hospital her lungs have been her biggest issue.

Since Boris announced the lockdown we haven't got anywhere other than round the block for a walk of fresh air and disinfecting everything as we go!! Yesterday, DP spoke to his DD on FaceTime and he asked if she'd been staying at home and she was confused and said no they have been to moms friends, nans, great nans, Asda and the playground. Their mom then came on the phone effing and blinding saying how dare we ask what they are doing () and what she does in her own time is her business.

Fair enough.

My first reaction was that they cannot come over then as their mom hasn't enforced the guidelines and my daughters life is potentially at risk and DP is saying they can have a bath as soon as they get here etc I explained if they have contracted the virus they might not have symptoms but everything they cough, sneeze, touch will also get infected! We haven't spoken since yesterday evening as I'm pretty adamant however I'm not worrying I'm being too harsh.

Thanks

Ithink you are being unreasonable if they have not got symptoms then why not?

For Christ's sake why do you think?
They are not social distancing never mind isolating.
Ops dd could die if they infected her what possible justification can you come up with to excuse that?
Not showing 'signs' doesnt mean you are not carrying it which part of that is so difficult for people?

Your daughter is not her issue though and she’s within her right to drop them off to there dad.
Like feck she is. If she cant behave according to guidelines then she has no rights at all. Ops child is extremely vulberable nobody should be putting her life at risk.
Ops dp speaks to his kids via video 3 times a day he isnt abandoning them forever. Its my ds's birthday next week. Nobody including his dad can come visit him but he accepts that and will have a birthday treat later when possible. If a child can why cant adults?

Stunned at the ignorance of some posts here. It’s clear that these attitudes have helped spread this appalling virus.

OP, YADNBU. He stays in with you and no one comes over. You are right - stick to your guns.

YADNBU.

Nope, your DH and his ex are dickheads. It would be completely exposing your at risk daughter. Please stick to your guns

@olawisk he can't split his time because his youngest is in a high risk group. If he sees the other DD and then goes home to his house and youngest DD he risks carrying the virus home to her. You clearly don't understand why we are being asked to socially distance and self isolate.

He isn't stopping being a dad if he is speaking to them 3x a day!

Why does he have to stay with OP and not his other kids ?

Not one child is more deserving then the other.

Even if the mum isolated but still went to Asda to get food a couple times a week you would still say they couldn’t come over.

When did speaking to your kids become the only thing you have to do as a dad?

And I meant split your time as in stay with OP for a month and then go and look after his other kids for a period of time.
Not do a day at each.
The dad has the kids nearly 50% of the time doing Thursday - Sunday and he can’t just drop that.

Bloody hell @Olawhisk

What part of OPs description of her DDs medical condition did you not read?

Her DP has to decide which of his children he will stay in physical contact with for the next 3 months. He can stay in contact with all of them via various electronic methods but he cannot have physical contact with them all.

It's shit, but it is his only possible decision.

Olawisk you are aware op small child is already quite poorly and not in good health. You seem to have your own agenda here, maybe you’ve had a bad experience of an ex not doing his fair share with his kids.

This is not those circumstances. It’s awful you’d happily allow this small child just so the ex ‘gets her rights’

Small child to get ill **

Where would you like the dp to go between his months caring for his children?

@olawisk the government is asking is to stay within our own households. It's really not difficult but you are clearly struggling with the concept. I hope you don't live near me and shop in the supermarkets I go in.

To be absolutely crystal clear, my husband usually has his kids 3 days a week. Has he dropped that? Yes. We are isolating within our own households. My daughter's dad has also stopped seeing her for the time being. This is not just BAU and people should just be doing whatever they did before - these are extremely exceptional circumstances that we will never again see in our lifetimes (I hope). No one is going to die if a dad doesn't see his kids for a few weeks. However, people may die if he does.

They are not social distancing though are they? They are going here there and everywhere including visiting grandparents and great grandparents! Possibly infecting them if they had the virus.

No way should they be anywhere near ops vulnerable dd.

Op said that they usually visit twice a week but now they know whats happening with them quite rightly she doesn't want them in her house right now.

olawisk where is the dad going to live? Has he just got a spare spare apartment or lots of money in the bank to go in to a b&b for a month?

If she wanted contact to continue she could have kept some form of reasonable social distance. Is your daughter not on the list of those who need to isolate for 12 weeks? Your DP is an idiot and he's endangering the life of his child. Protect your kid. Sod them all.

My DD has just had her op postponed and she has issues with her airways. Because of her issues DP is not seeing his son as we can't trace where his son has been. It's awful making him chose between children but at their ages they should be able to understand why.
YANBU to protect your child and yourselves.

Not one child is more deserving then the other.

Normally I’d agree but in this case if, as a father, he fails to prioritise protecting the health and possibly life of his youngest child, who is by far and away the most vulnerable of his offspring, then he is a shit dad. Full stop.
My uncle unfortunately ended up with long term health problems because of complications during his birth. He had open heart surgery as a baby, several times. In the 1960s. You’d better believe he was absolutely my grandparents priority at that time. My mother was not the priory because she was not a vulnerable baby with a serious heart condition . She was safe and cared for with her own grandparents, while her parents focused on their sickly son. Thats just how it had to be.
These children are not poor wee abandoned souls. They are safe (ish, the woman sounds like a moron) with their mother. They will survive while the needs of their vulnerable sibling are prioritised.

And if they don’t, I’d suggest they are shaping up to be as selfish as their mother and father.

If his ex would understand the issues and start social distancing properly, and would be prepared to be reasonable about discussing this, then a workable solution could be found?

YABU

Sorry ! I meant YANBU!!

@Amimissingsomethinghere Why? I hate the tendency to just say YABU without saying why, it's so lazy. Especially here, where virtually no other poster has agreed with you.

Forgive me! I jumped in too fast, I should have realised.

You are correct, so stick to being correct. The ex wife sounds not so nice,and a bit stupid, so don't bother with her !

In this case the DP's child with OP is clearly extremely vulnerable - she's only 2 years old and already has underlying health conditions which mean she is more likely to become seriously ill if she catches Covid-19.

His two DDs from his previous relationship don't seem to be in this vulnerable category. Unfortunately their mother is a selfish moron who has been ignoring the social distancing rules everyone in the UK should be following and exposing them to a deadly virus. If they visit the OP's household, there is a very real risk that they could infect OP's very vulnerable DD with the virus.

OP - ask your 'D'P if he wants the serious illness, or worse, of your already poorly DD on his conscience. Tell him you will consider him personally responsible should she become ill from contact with her half-sisters.