To say no to his kids coming over?

[netflixandsleep1]

My DP has two daughters for previous relationship age 7 and 8. Generally healthy children, they come to ours Thursday (usually after school) - Sunday evening.

We have our own DD, she's nearly two and she has chronic lung disease along with a list of other conditions (hydrocephalus, low muscle tone etc) but since leaving hospital her lungs have been her biggest issue.

Since Boris announced the lockdown we haven't got anywhere other than round the block for a walk of fresh air and disinfecting everything as we go!! Yesterday, DP spoke to his DD on FaceTime and he asked if she'd been staying at home and she was confused and said no they have been to moms friends, nans, great nans, Asda and the playground. Their mom then came on the phone effing and blinding saying how dare we ask what they are doing () and what she does in her own time is her business.

Fair enough.

My first reaction was that they cannot come over then as their mom hasn't enforced the guidelines and my daughters life is potentially at risk and DP is saying they can have a bath as soon as they get here etc I explained if they have contracted the virus they might not have symptoms but everything they cough, sneeze, touch will also get infected! We haven't spoken since yesterday evening as I'm pretty adamant however I'm not worrying I'm being too harsh.

Thanks

YANBU. If his child had been social-distancing in the mother's home then that would be okay, but they haven't. You are right in not wanting to potentially expose your DD to the germs/viruses of all and sundry your DP's ex and daughter have come into contact with.

Has your partner considered advising the government? We don’t need all these ridiculous measures, everyone just needs to have a bath, that’ll wash the virus right off.

Jesus no way, she can't visit your home till this nightmare is over

Of course yanbu. Protect your little girl.

@netflixandsleep1 Ive had similar issue with DP ex... although none of us have any conditions as serious as your daughter. However we are self isolating as one of our DC had temperature and a cough ( I'm thinking it is just cold they are not unwell in any other way etc). I have been feeling a bit ropey last couple of days... achey, hot and cold... sore throat. DP ex went batshit crazy because we are refusing usual contact.... I mean WTAF??? Also we know prior to the lockdown they were just going out unnecessarily.... it amazes me the mentality of some people. Stick to your guns YADNBU.

YANBU. Your partner is a fool if he thinks a bath will solve anything. It may make him sad, but he'll just have to see his other daughters when this is all over, how ever long that takes. They can still visit over the phone or computer, at least.

YANBU
His ex needs to take this seriously and he needs to step up.

Thanks everyone.

he FaceTimes them about 3 times a day on phones that I help pay for! So they will by no means not being communicating with their dad but of course I'm the wicked step mother stopping contact!

YANBU

A bath?
Your husband should let the NHS and WHO know that they are going to unnecessary expense treating all these Covid patients and everyone just needs a fucking bath... That'll sort them right out!

He's a moron!

Definitely not. Do not let them come round and put your daughter at risk.

OP, has your DD received one of the letter for being at severe risk? If so, here's the advice. Show it your DH!
www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

Is your DD not on the shielding list?

Has DH always been an imbecile?

If he tries to insist on their visiting I'd be showing him the door - he can go and live with his DD and ex. No loss to you frankly.

YADNBU

If she’s at such risk then they shouldn’t be coming round at all for the duration I don’t think, not when their mother clearly will not follow the instructions we’ve been given. It’s exceptionally difficult for your husband and the girls - but temporary difficulty because he can’t see them in person and has to change contact to FaceTime and phone calls is infinitely better than permanent devastation because your little girl wasn’t adequately protected and the unthinkable happened.

Absolutely not. Your daughter is highly vulnerable and needs to be protected.

Yanbu. I'm not in the UK and we have far less and serious cases and our country is on a lockdown. This means that resident parents get to keep their kids if the parents are not in agreement. The child stays in one place over the lockdown period Or you will be arrested carting children around.
Your dh is an absolute moron. He is placing the life and safety of his other children over the one who needs protection. Stand your ground. This is not the time to mess about or feel bad/guilty.

Wow
Your dp is not the smartest at all
Perhaps he wants to move out and live with the ex
They absolutely can not come over

Oh FFS! Your husband is a dick. I’m sure if a bath got rid of the virus, the NHS wouldn’t have this problem.

YANBU. Tell him to move out if he wants to see his kids, and don’t get me started in the ex! Fucking dickheads the lot of them!

His DD has lung disease, FFS - of course people who haven't been social distancing can't come round.

Especially children, who find it hard to keep to themselves at the best of times.

The other issue is the fact that they looked confused and haven't been social distancing means that you would need to to teach them all of the new rules and make them stick to them, so it will be a very unpleasant visit for all involved. They are suddenly going to have to follow very strict rules and you and DH will look like the bad guys as you'll have to enforce them very strictly, so perhaps pointing that out will persuade him it's a terrible idea.

I wouldn't want my DD being the Guinea pig these children are starting to learn social distancing with, personally.

Nope, your DP is being completely unreasonable. Not sure why he'd be OK risking his daughter's life for the sake of keeping in touch via video instead for a couple of weeks.

Personally I don't think children moving between homes should even be an exception to the rules. As long as they are safe in one home with a parent they should stay there, like the rest of us. It's a short-term sacrifice for a massively important cause.

Yanbu you have a vunerable child x

YANBU it would be a no from me. It’s hard on you all but it sounds way too risky to me

No-one should be visiting anyone

He really is not getting it.

Can you go elsewhere, or send him to live at his Mum’s or something and you and your Dd stay well away from all of them? Because while er this virus is present the DSds will never have been isolated or quarantined so will always be a risk.