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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mortified by DH

238 replies

Syncrows · 22/03/2020 17:58

Obviously things have moved quite fast in the last week but I’m really worried about this.

DH worked for the NHS and has been worried about coronavirus for a while. We have two children at infant school. On Tuesday there was a display for Mother’s Day and on Wednesday some other assembly.

On Thursday DH rang up and absolutely lost it, shouting and swearing.

I know schools have now shut and the kids won’t be going in but I’m worried about when they do.

Should I try to get them in elsewhere ... I’m serious.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 23/03/2020 10:47

This reply has been deleted

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Iwalkinmyclothing · 23/03/2020 10:48

It seems really obvious what her DH was mad about- On Tuesday there was a display for Mother’s Day and on Wednesday some other assembly. He has NHS experience, clearly understand what a big deal this all is, and probably was flabbergasted and appalled that the school his dc are at would do such unnecessary things which only increase risk.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/03/2020 10:51

Well said BusterGonad

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:52

I’ve numbered it.

  1. DH - Ex nhs wormer
  2. Kids in school because it was open at that point
  3. School held assembles etc which meant people coming into the building
  4. DH went mad
  5. I’m worried about this.

Sorry - I can’t make it clearer, if you still don’t understand please don’t keep coming back just to say you don’t understand. As I can’t make it any clearer than I have.

OP posts:
Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:53

Worker. Not wormer. That is confusing ...

OP posts:
wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 23/03/2020 10:59

If your husband isn't working, why are you at home alone with 4 children?

Does he verbally abuse you too?

PeterWeg · 23/03/2020 10:59

"5. I’m worried about this."
You shouldn't be. What he did was perfectly justified, I think a lot of NHS will be looking and the behavior of the general public and swearing their heads off in disgust. NHS workers are expected to die treating these idiots.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 11:00

I’ve always done pretty much all of the childcare. But one DC is 5, one is 4 and one is 2. So they run me a bit ragged Grin

So I am sorry if my post confused people but it might be best to leave that now as it’s frustrating for me having to repeat myself over and over and over.

OP posts:
Hoggleludo · 23/03/2020 11:02

@PeterWeg

He doesn't work in the nhs anymore.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 11:03

Have a little think about why he might not be working hog

OP posts:
pooopypants · 23/03/2020 11:03

If DH isn't currently working, why are you dealing with 4 kids by yourself? I couldn't give a shiny shit what he does for a living but he isn't doing it now, as per your update. So what does he do each day while yoir wrangling 4 kids?

Stop being a martyr about school, they'll not be twats to your kids but your H needs to apologise to the person he shouted at. Why on earth would you want to move schools because of this??? That sounds like insanity to me, the bigger problem here is your H. Does he always have temper issues?

aupresdemonarbre · 23/03/2020 11:04

I can't believe that there are so many comments defending verbal abuse to professionals. Err no, this is not ok. Even if they are wrong, even if you feel very strongly. God help us if so many are seriously ready to abandon social norms and embrace anti-social behaviour at the first sign of a crisis.

TealWater · 23/03/2020 11:05

Who was coming to the assemblies? I didn't know anyone but school children and teachers would be at assemblies, in which case the kids would be mixing with every kid and teacher anyway. So I still don't understand whether your DH was upset that school was open (in which case, you could have chose not to send them to school), or that the school had an assembly, which is part of normal school routine anyway.

Mrsfrumble · 23/03/2020 11:05

Your worry seems misplaced OP. I wouldn’t be so worried about what the school think, but I would be very worried about a husband who doesn’t seem to care where he directs his righteous anger, and seems more interested in venting at a human punchbag than effectively communicating his (very valid)* point. Does THAT worry you OP? Your resignation about his refusal to apologise makes me wonder if he has form for this sort of thing...

*Yes, of course he was right to be concerned. But do those who are commending him not recognise that by screeching at the first person to pick up the phone, he totally failed to communicate that vital information to where it needed to go.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 11:06

He’s not well pooopy and even if he was I would probably still be dealing with ‘mummy, mummy’, I don’t ask him to do everything so I can post on mn.

teal it was one of those parents were invited to.

OP posts:
TealWater · 23/03/2020 11:07

Ok I get what you mean now.

Seeitsortit · 23/03/2020 11:11

Don’t worry.
It’s difficult times, we’re all stressed and worried. Yes he shouldn’t have shouted and sworn but he was trying to protect people at the end of the day.
See how the school are when the crisis has calmed - we don’t know how this will pan out - and if you feel the need to say something then ((ie sorry for his behaviour but he was very stressed and worried for the safety of all the school especially if grandparents would be there).
Now if he’d been one of the ones rude to the poor young guy who was directing the public to a sanitation station outside our local market ......

Scbchl · 23/03/2020 11:12

There was absolutely NOTHING confusing about this post. If you were confused, you are probably a little hard of thinking. Constantly telling the op it is confusing, doesn't make you some smart arse.

TealWater · 23/03/2020 11:12

I now get why he was angry. However what difference would it have made though, considering the kids live with their parents and obviously have close contact with their parents, and the kids go to school. So would the parents being at school, when they share close quarters with their kids anyway, have made any difference? If it were strangers with no children at the school, I could understand the anger, but these parents are part of the school community and their kids go to school with your kids.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 11:15

Thank you scb I honestly think people are either arseholes or stupid

OP posts:
PeterWeg · 23/03/2020 11:18

"He doesn't work in the nhs anymore."
Doesn't negate that losing his shit was justified.

Devlesko · 23/03/2020 11:26

He should apologise, and seek help for his anger.
He was out of order and whoever he spoke to didn't deserve his behaviour.
You can't make him apologise, but you must want to be with such a man. Something wrong with a person who can't accept responsibility and apologise.

CheshireChat · 23/03/2020 11:28

To all of those who say that him shouting and swearing is justified, had the receptionist sworn back, would that be ok?

I mean she is currently a key worker and in a bloody stressful position so arguably would've been more justified to just lose it.

Just apologise yourself OP and explain he is still a dickhead who won't do it himself.

HoppingPavlova · 23/03/2020 11:35

Thank you scb I honestly think people are either arseholes or stupid

Rubbish. I was confused until page 8.
Still not sure whether he has mental health issues from work in general or corona virus related. Irrespective, mental health issues or not, you can’t ring up schools and blast receptionists for stuff outside of their control.

EwwSprouts · 23/03/2020 11:49

He needs to apologise for tone and swearing. He can refer to his stress at working for the NHS by way of saying out of character but must be a genuine apology. And sooner rather than later.

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