To be mortified by DH

[Syncrows]

Obviously things have moved quite fast in the last week but I’m really worried about this.

DH worked for the NHS and has been worried about coronavirus for a while. We have two children at infant school. On Tuesday there was a display for Mother’s Day and on Wednesday some other assembly.

On Thursday DH rang up and absolutely lost it, shouting and swearing.

I know schools have now shut and the kids won’t be going in but I’m worried about when they do.

Should I try to get them in elsewhere ... I’m serious.

I've heard the phones have been ringing non-stop at schools - mainly all from parents shouting and swearing at the fact they're closing. So after all this they probably won't hold it against him. If I was your dh I would send them an email apology and leave it as that.

He may well have been right to express concern, but if he shouted and swore like that at the receptionist (I'm imagining that he probably did, as they would normally be the ones answering and fielding calls) then that is unreasonable, as events that take place in school are not their decision.

In that case, he really, really needs to eat humble pie and apologise sincerely at the earliest opportunity. It’s highly unlikely the person answering the phone will have had any influence of that sort of decision making. If he’d asked to speak to the head, and lost his temper because he felt they were being dismissive of his concerns, I’d have some sympathy. But to go right in there on someone he KNEW most likely was not responsible makes him look like a bully with anger issues.

He phoned the school and lost his shit, for want of a better turn of phrase.

How horrible. Last week was such a stressful week in schools. There is never a good reason to shout and swear at other people.

The school may realise just how wrong they were by now, or will in the not too distant future when they have had to work over their Easter and possibly Summer holidays caring for the children of essential workers. Not to mention hearing the stories that the children bring in from home (knowing they will have been edited for children's ears) and seeing the ever worsening news
By the time it's all over, IF they remember, they will understand your husbands stress and make allowances. However; it's very likely that so much will have happened by then they are unlikely to remember the outburst anyway.

So the poor person who answered the phone (and who would have had nothing to do with decision-making) bore the brunt of your DH swearing and shouting at them. It probably reduced them to tears.

You are right to be mortified. What a nasty piece of work he is.

Typical parent phone call - most schools get 2 or 3 at least every day like that.

Why did he ring up on Thursday when it was announced schools would be closing on Wednesday evening?

He had no right to speak to them like that and may find himself banned from school premises.

Not saying they should be used to it but having worked as a receptionist, they will not have taken it personally in the circumstances. I do think, after the fact, when it is all over an apology and box of biscuits for the aggression/language might not come amiss he was not wrong in the sentiment itself

He didn't yell at your kids' school.

He yelled at some woman earning around twelve grand a year if she's fulltime, who has most likely had to deal with every single child that's been sent in sick all year, is wondering which one is going to be the one that gives her the virus, wishes desperately that the fucking school had been closed down two weeks ago and has had other over entitled men and women yelling at her throughout the week for

a) not taking it seriously enough
b) taking it too seriously
c) not sending children home sick
d) sending children home sick
e) scaring parents by sending home letters giving the current guidance
f) the guidance changing overnight
g) not sending home daily updates
h) not running around to find kid's jumpers
i) a teacher didn't phone back maybe because they're off with symptoms
j) a teacher is off and they haven't informed the parents of their precise medical condition
k) somebody said they saw somebody cough and they weren't bundled out the back gate in a bin bag
l) DS said their teacher was mean to them

etc, etc, etc.

As though she has the power to do anything about anything, anyway.

She won't take it out on your children. But she knows your husband is a Grade A prick now.

He owes her a huge apology and probably a bunch of flowers for being such a dick to her.

I'm NHS too and quite honestly the tiniest things have made me absolutely rage to the point where I'm thinking I need to go back on HRT.
I'm having to make a massive concerted effort to breath deeply, slap a smile on my face and shut up because I think if I started shouting I would never stop.
I wouldn't be too hard on him as it's a very stressful time.
I would just ring the school, apologise and tell them he's seen some horrible things and you're very worried about him.
They won't remember, they have probably had half the school ranting on the phone.
Your husband needs to meditate or something or he will have a stroke by the end of this.

I kind of don't blame him for losing his shit with them.

We're still dealing with parents who want childcare next week. They don't need it, but they want it because they can't be arsed to sort their own kids out. Who care if people are dying, right?

Tell him to write and apologize. There is no need to move schools. He is completely out of order though which I am sure you know. What does he think about what he did? Does he regret it though? It isn't clear from your OP whether it is just you that's concerned or him?

He is not a “nasty piece of work”, he is a stressed and traumatised front line NHS worker. Seeing people die in the hospital and then staff that treat them also getting sick and dying is horrific. To expect a person who is risking their life everyday and surrounded by that to maintain a fully polite composure when their children’s school is flagrantly ignoring medical advice and exposing his children to unnecessary risks of catching the same killer disease that he sees killing more people every day is just too high of an expectation.
Cut him some slack.

The school may realise just how wrong they were by now.

Unlikely, as the person who took the call and was ranted at most likely wasn’t the one who decided to go ahead with the assemblies. And if the SLT did get to hear about it, they’d probably be more concerned about a parent verbally abusing their staff than what OP’s husband actually had to say. If he’d been able to control himself, and actually asked to speak to the relevant person before starting his rant the message might have actually got through.

What a twat. I hope he is planning to apologise.

I'm sorry but I can't imagine shouting and swearing down the phone to anyone in any circumstances.
If OP had posted that she'd lost her shit at stressed out school staff, she'd have had her arse handed to her on here and rightly so. But we all have to cut the man some slack

He should apologise. He probably screamed at the receptionist, that's definitely who he'd have got through to at our school. This week, our receptionist has doubled her workload, she's picked up the shifts of our other receptionist, who's self isolating. On Friday, she was sent home by a member of SLT after finally breaking down in floods of tears because she's spent all week being screamed at, dictated to, and asked if she's stupid by parents losing their shit at her. Everyone's scared, everyone's got an opinion - it is not the fault of the person answering the phone that your children's school held assemblies this week. Our receptionist is wonderful, and had to be covered by several other members of staff because the mental load of arseholes treating her like shit got too much. And we couldn't even give her a hug like we all wanted to.

Even if he screamed at the headteacher, what's he achieving? Sod all.

I get that this is terrifying, and even if he's frontline NHS and is seeing the most awful stuff, he still doesn't have the right to make someone feel shit just because he's scared. I do hope he apologises, and next time if he thinks the school are in the wrong, he should send a calmly thought-out letter or email to someone senior, instead of having a go.

He shouldn’t have shouted at the school, since he works in the NHS he should have been more than aware that it isn’t the person doing the job that makes decisions or should take the wrap.

However, he lost his shit not you, so only he has the the right to apologise and feel embarrassed for taking out his frustration on the school staff.

Cut him some slack. He sees the reality of Covid-19 more than others. He's worried for his kids, he's most likely compassionate enough to be worried about other people's children too.

He was right to be worried. Maybe not right to swear and shout, but he's under a lot of pressure. You dont need to move schools!

Depends who he lost his shit with, if it was the person directly responsible for putting your kids at additional risk then fair enough, if the was someone in the school office who had no responsibility for the decision and could have done nothing about it he should feel ashamed and apologise. I took mine out of school entirely after a whole school assembly on Monday as then could rightly presume that whomever was deciding that kind of shit could not be trusted. I do however object to anger being misdirected at people who are not responsible for whatever someone is angry about. As the world has gone to shit OP I’d say don’t worry, it’ll be long forgotten once this is all over.

Oh, you do remember the spectacularly arseholeish callers.

I'm always going to remember the one who bollocked me - without swearing - for making a fuss about nothing when I sent their very unwell child home with a 38 Celsius fever and looking/feeling like crap. Especially as I started feeling short of breath a couple of days afterwards.

Cut the guy some slack (unless he’s always like this). Schools should not be doing things where they club everyone in small spaces and he was probably just so annoyed what with seeing the other side of this virus. Do not move schools! It’a sadly likely someone will get it in the staff and then they’ll probably understand his point.

Don’t blame him- quite frankly I don’t think he’s the unreasonable one here. It’s becoming abundantly clear certain people need shouting at. Just came back from walking the dog, a group on teenagers were congregated outside the cost cutter

So because you came across some teenagers in from of Cost Cutter it is OK to shout and abuse schools staff?

Makes perfect sense.