To be mortified by DH

[Syncrows]

Obviously things have moved quite fast in the last week but I’m really worried about this.

DH worked for the NHS and has been worried about coronavirus for a while. We have two children at infant school. On Tuesday there was a display for Mother’s Day and on Wednesday some other assembly.

On Thursday DH rang up and absolutely lost it, shouting and swearing.

I know schools have now shut and the kids won’t be going in but I’m worried about when they do.

Should I try to get them in elsewhere ... I’m serious.

I’m seriously considering looking into a different school for them.

Why?? That is utterly bonkers.

Why did you mention it if it doesn't matter?

OP I think what your husband does is relevant because people are more likely to cut frontline NHS staff some slack atm, and though he still needs to apologise, he might seem slightly less of an everyday-aggressive-prick.

Why should your children have to be uprooted because their father behaved badly?! What an appalling lesson to teach them! "Daddy's done something horrid without thinking again, so you have to face the consequences kids!"

If you move school you don't solve the problem. He will continue to be abusive. What is to stop him having a pop at the next receptionist or secretary or shop worker when he is angry or scared about something? When I worked in public sector reception we kept a list of the abusive members of the public and clients and made sure senior staff knew how we were treated. Usually these angry people were all nice and polite to the professionals but vile to those who they perceived as powerless.

Sometimes abuse of front line staff is about people being scared. Sometimes it is a sign of underlying MH conditions. Sometimes people are just knobs who should know better.

I don’t know why I mentioned it. It doesn’t matter. Anyway I want to move them because they shouldn’t suffer for DH shouting.

So he doesn’t work for the NHS then. Just a coward then that likes to shout abuse at people just trying to do their job in stressful conditions. He’s pathetic.

OP says that DH worked for the NHS _ past tense.
Is this relevant 0P?
Anyway an apology is in order.

@Syncrows
No, you let your H sort it with the school, he is a grown up.
I would also check on him and his mental health state. I want to yell at people in the crammed playground and to tell them to go the fuck home, and for good reason, but I don’t. But if I could, I really really would.

You all seem stressed. Talk to us, breathe.

What the hell bulb

DH qualified as a doctor in 1998, he’s worked in a variety of hospital settings ever since.

That totally changed the whole thread then.

Whether or not he’s a Doctor or a hospital porter it doesn’t give him the right to do what he did. I have Drs in my family and they wouldn’t dream of being dicks.

They won’t suffer, because the school will understand that children can’t be held responsible for their parents poor behaviour. He needs to man-up and apologise though.

I'm sorry but I can't imagine shouting and swearing down the phone to anyone in any circumstances

Oh I can. I had a massive sweary rant at an NHS receptionist once. I had an appointment at a breast clinic about a lump, turned up at 8.30 to find that all appointments had been cancelled and they hadn't notified me.

I ended up in tears and refused to leave until I'd seen a doctor. A lovely consultant came out, calmed me down, and arranged for me to be seen by another doctor at a different hospital that very morning.

I apologised profusely to the staff I'd shouted at once I calmed down.

My rant came from being very, very frightened, angry and frustrated. I daresay OP's DH's sweary rant came from a similar place.

If I was a doctor, seeing colleagues working way over their hours and putting themselves at risk of life threatening illness with inadequate PPE, I'd be feeling a bit like I did that day.

They won't suffer.

Just because their dad has behaved like a twat doesn't mean the school will.

No it means he is stressed and shouldn't be shouting at front line staff. He wouldn't accept it in his own setting so shouldn't be doing it elsewhere. It does mean his apology will be accepted if he makes it.

Good on your DH, the school's actions sound ridiculous. Ignore, don't apologise, hold your head high. He's right.

OP - don't do anything and calm down. The schools will not re-open till September at the earliest. You have plenty of time to think about this. Moving them will be a something you can think about in the future - I doubt any schools will be wanting to administrate a move right now.

I don't know why posters are being so horrible to you. The actions of the school put a load of parents and children at risk by congregating them all together. Your DH lost it with the school - none of this is your fault!

Why arw you being so confusing and elusive op? You posts are so hard to follow as you literally can't compose a simple straight forward paragraph. Why mention the NHS and then get pissy and not want to tell us what he does/did? Why not give us straight forward information about the assembly's etc.

If they didn't realise it then they soon will.
I have friends that now get it but didn't earlier.

I think they will forgive him. They will realise he was right.

Just forget about it 🌷

The kids won’t suffer because your DH lost his shit at this time. The person answering the phone probably agrees with him! Lots of admin & teachers wanted schools closed too & though some things being arranged were fucking nuts.

There’s not much an NHS worker could lose their shut over right now that would bother me, the pressure they’re under is immense as is their level of ‘scared shitless if what’s to come’

Please thank him for his dedication 💕

The kids won't suffer. Moving them to another school will mean them losing their friends, and will come with all sorts of downsides.
The receptionist probably won't forget, but in my experience of teaching, staff feel very sorry for kids with horrible parents rather than taking it out on them. And the rest of the teachers etc probably won't even hear about the call.

Why won't your husband apologise? Does he not accept that this poor woman was the wrong target? If he's been a doctor, surely he should be only too aware of the abuse that NHS reception staff get.

Yes I'm totally convinced he's a Doctor.

I wouldn't sweat it, OP. This will not stay long on their radar, if it's on it at all (not to diminish your husband's concerns!).
I had a heart attack and went into cardiac arrest, needed CPR and resuss. Basically, I nearly died the week before schools were shut. In a normal world, the head would cocoon my kids, show as much support as possible for my family. It was traumatic because one of my kids saw me collapse and go into cardiac arrest. So it was a big deal. In this climate and in these circumstances, my family's acute trauma made NO waves at the school. There were no sympathy hugs from anyone for DH or the kids.
The schools are up against a shit storm and trying to manage an unprecendented situation. This is ground zero for our generation. I am certain that the school is cutting your DH slack big time.
It's not about your DH right now. The school isn't reflecting on the incident with him. They're just trying to manage. Do NOT move your kids. That's just complicating everything. Whether your DH wants to apologise or not is up to him. But I have a feeling the school will be a bit like, "Who are you again and what happened?" They'll have a few shouty parents to face.
Everyone needs to cut each other HUGE slack right now.
FWIW, my DH is also a doctor on the frontline, so I get the stress levels are way up. And having been in hospital myself for that heart attack, I can honestly say, those nurses, doctors, even the cleaners have a bloody Everest climb ahead.
One question, are you also a key worker? Is there a reason, if you're at home, the kids can't be home with you so that you can free up those spaces for families where both parents are key workers? If I've misunderstood, forgive me.

@NewYearNewJob123

Please thank him for his dedication 💕

Dedication to what? Bullying?