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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mortified by DH

238 replies

Syncrows · 22/03/2020 17:58

Obviously things have moved quite fast in the last week but I’m really worried about this.

DH worked for the NHS and has been worried about coronavirus for a while. We have two children at infant school. On Tuesday there was a display for Mother’s Day and on Wednesday some other assembly.

On Thursday DH rang up and absolutely lost it, shouting and swearing.

I know schools have now shut and the kids won’t be going in but I’m worried about when they do.

Should I try to get them in elsewhere ... I’m serious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 09:15

vanguard this was last week ... schools were still open. Kids are home now.

report the thread then newyear

he isn’t currently working but that’s not really relevant.

OP posts:
saraclara · 23/03/2020 09:18

Yep. This knee jerk please thank him for his dedication is plain daft. You don't know him from Adam, @AmelieTaylor . He doesn't work for the NHS, and for all you know he could have been undedicated when he did.

He was abusive to someone who didn't deserve it, and he's unrepentant. If he was just having a moment's frustration due to stress, he'd now be as mortified as his wife. But he's not. He doesn't care. But you're sending him hearts. FFS.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/03/2020 09:27

So instead of telling your DH to get his head out of his arse and to apologise to the school staff member you want to move your children to a different school.

I for one am glad he is no longer working as a doctor. We do not need doctors with his attitude we need caring, compassionate doctors and nurses.

Yes it has been incredible hard and uncertain time, and stressful but that is never an excuse to behave like this and then not to apologise once the GOVERNMENT had made it's decision. The schools hands were tied they could not just close they had to follow procedures.

PrivateD00r · 23/03/2020 09:29

All very confusing. You are having to manage on your own with the kids even though he doesn't work. You both chose to send the kids to school right up until they officially closed - even though he doesn't work.

All very odd.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 09:31

I’m sorry WHAT is confusing

  1. DH used to work for the NHS. I included this to explain why he gets worked up about illness etc.
  1. Schools were open last week. Kids went in as normal. School held assemblies and events for parents.
  1. DH went mad.
  1. People claimed the above was confusing.
  1. I apologised and explained I was managing 4 kids so perhaps hadn’t been as clear as I could have been.
  1. MN went berserk.
OP posts:
Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 09:31

private until Friday schools were urging us to send them ... lots of threats about fines otherwise 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 23/03/2020 09:42

Nope, I’m still confused. I used to be a frontline HCP in A&E until fairly recently.

Never thought to use this an an excuse to ring a school and be an absolute dick. Not sure what the whole ‘worked up about illness’ thing is. That’s the job. The job doesn’t involve abusing school secretaries.

Yes, your posts are confusing.

Sadly, I doubt a parent ringing and abusing a school raises an eyebrow these days so no need to take the drastic action of whipping your kids off to another school. I wouldn’t be a teacher or school admin for quids these days with abusive self-entitled parents.

I would however strongly consider leaving your DH if he considers this to be acceptable behaviour. What a dick.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 09:59

It doesn’t sound like you’re CONFUSED, it sounds like you think DH is a dick which is fair but you have understood what’s happened just fine. So they can’t be that confusing.

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Evilspiritgin · 23/03/2020 10:01

I can’t believe some people are thinking it’s alright for him to verbally abuse someone over the phone because he works for the Nhs!! What if it had been a plumber then??

So if an nhs worker comes home and beats up their partner because they are stressed are we now going to be sayIng ‘Please thank them for their dedication’

Hoggleludo · 23/03/2020 10:03

Your post WAS confusing.

100%

Your dh that USED to be a dr. But doesn't work as one now. Bares no relevance on why he behaved the way he did.

He shouted at someone who has no relevance to what goes on day to day!!

He needs to man up and apologise. Simple. We can all lose our shit. Its how you deal with it after.

The school won't take his behaviour out on your children. But he needs to say sorry.

AngelicaKauffman · 23/03/2020 10:12

Moving your kids to a new school just cos your husband was a dick to someone who works there is a huge overreaction. Wouldn't him saying sorry be about a million times easier? Or if he's too scared/embarrassed to do that, just move on and pretend it never happened.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:14

Ok so the post was confusing, shall we talk about it all day?

He won’t apologise. Just don’t want the kids to suffer.

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Barbies97 · 23/03/2020 10:15

Why won't he apologise? He "lost his shit" with someone that didn't deserve it! He should be apologising.

gypsywater · 23/03/2020 10:17

I'm laughing at home saying "what do you think you're playing at?" - this is what someone says to a child, not another adult! So weird! Grin

Hoggleludo · 23/03/2020 10:19

The apologise for him?!? Then they won't think your both dicks?

Mrsfrumble · 23/03/2020 10:21

Does he at least recognise that his anger was directed towards the wrong person, and if he wanted to get the message across he should at least have asked to speak to senior leadership?

Chillicheese123 · 23/03/2020 10:26

So he worked for the nhs last week but doesn’t this week ?

h0llygolightly · 23/03/2020 10:26

Sorry OP but you both sound like dicks 🤷‍♀️
If you ask for advice on an online forum, you have to be prepared that you aren't always going to get the answer that you wanted. Get a grip, make DH apologise to school, and go look after your kids.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 23/03/2020 10:29

Of course you're mortified. Your DH behaved appallingly and if he was so concerned about exposure and social distancing, he should have braved the fines and kept your DC home.
But, as for your question, it won't affect the DCs. A lot is going to happen between now and the DCs going back to school. The staff won't be keeping a tally about abusive parents. And even if they did, it still wouldn't affect how they treat your DCs. If anything, they may be extra attentive since they now know your DCs live with someone who shouts and swears.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:31

No chilli

He worked for the NHS
And now he doesn’t

Why do I sound like a dick

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Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:31

Holly you can’t make someone apologise, and I’m not fussed about the answers. Just don’t know why people think saying over and over and over that it’s confusing helps.

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Endofmytether2020 · 23/03/2020 10:38

I think schools and parents need to understand that everyone is in different places at different times with this, and a situation like this global emergency can be really triggering. Also because we now have no contact everyone needs to start again with a fresh start. Most of us with go through varying levels of fear, trauma and grief in the next few months. Please try to put your worry about this aside.

Krong · 23/03/2020 10:38

I don't blame him. The UK are being so foolish right now. You have the highest death rate per infected person in Europe, and still fannying around going to parks and sending children to school..

TealWater · 23/03/2020 10:39

Your post makes no sense. WHY was he mad? Was he mad that his kids couldn't go to the assembly? Was it mad it was held? Was he mad that the schools were closing? Was he mad that the schools weren't closing? All you said was.....he was mad at the school. Given that the schools have parents that are angry the schools are closing, and other parents that are angry they are not closing, you don't say which side he was (mad) on.

Original poster
Syncrows · 23/03/2020 10:46

He was mad because there is a global pandemic and they were inviting people into the building.

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