Men are finding this isolation/social distancing harder than women

[justasking111]

I am finding it harder to keep OH occupied than any child I have had. Having raised three being housebound through their illnesses plus one six week illness of my own. I am finding it more challenging to keep OH on an even keel, he had a mini explosion last night over something minor. He is champing at the bit to be out and about.

I cannot entertain him with puzzles, games, BBC learning unfortunately.

@randomchap, I got the irony, highlighting yet another gaping whole in society which has been successfully swept until Brexit, floods, #metoo, rainbows , so on and so on.

aside, obviously.

I totally get you!! I feel the same. My partner is so used to going to work, now he has to stay home with us he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s a very good dad and helps me out ALOT. I just swear he moans about being bored more than a kid.

&My partner is so used to going to work, now he has to stay home with us he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s a very good dad and helps me out ALOT. I just swear he moans about being bored more than a kid*

Well... it's about time he learnt what to do with himself isn't it? Does he think it's different for a woman, or another man or whatever?

If my DH starting moaning like a kid....well... he'd only do it the once...

We've been stuck at home for a week and a half now. The kids and I are fine, having done school holidays where one of us have been ill etc. We are used to it. DH has never taken the school hols off and has realised that it's not the bed of roses he thought. He's working in another room most of the time, but getting irritated by the kids and me when he's having breaks and is bored constantly. He's not used to being in such close quarters all of the time. Not his fault, but it's nice to see that he now appreciates how hard the early years at home we're.

Fucking hell - some of you need to woman the fuck up tell these pathetic babies to fuck off. Jeez.

Seriously OP I don't want to pile in on you as you've already had a hard time.

But its not your job to keep your OH "occupied" at the best of times, let alone at a time of national crisis. If he can't find something productive to do in the home then it isn't your problem.

And if he's taking his frustration out on you by calling you lazy at a time when you're all struggling, he is being abusive.

You clearly can't do anything now but when this all passes you should give some serious thought to whether you want to be with him if he can't support you at a time like this.

My husband is driving me mad I'm a keyworker but I've had to go off sick until a risk assessment as I'm frontline and pregnant. My husband has no idea of healthcare was fancying about wondering if gold clubs are open and is focusing on his own job working from home as it pays more than recognising the key role I have now and I'm already tired of trying to entertain him at home I'm not used to having him around 7 days a week weekends are hard enough!

Why would you need to entertain him? What about shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, home educating - how is there time for him to be bored?

I don't really understand why there are so many unpleasant comments.

Telling him to get on with it doesn't achieve anything.

Many men are not used to being with the family for extended periods, and cannot escape to the pub, or football etc.

What is true is that he is going to have to adjust and quick. Some may be amenable to rational discussion, so rather than telling him to get on with it, you're going to have to try discussion.

and I'm already tired of trying to entertain him at home I'm not used to having him around 7 days a week weekends are hard enough!

Is this a joke? I'm at a loss to understand this. Why do you have to entertain him? He's got a brain and a body surely... it's beyond me why ONE adult has to entertain ANOTHER adult. Are people really married to these pathetic men?

I am hating being restricted with all of this, my DH might well hate it too... but we both just get on with it. He would just know better than to whinge at me like a giant toddler and expect me to entertain him or find something for him to enjoy doing.

This thread has been a complete eye opener to me. I honestly didn't know men like this existed and anyone married them.

Malvinaa81

"Many men are not used to being with the family for extended periods, and cannot escape to the pub, or football etc."

Seriously that is pathetic. If they can't bear to be with their family for extended periods without "escaping" to the pub or football they don't deserve a family. Particularly at a time like this.

What on earth happened to you in your childhood to leave you thinking that you deserved a man who needed to "escape" his family.

So inflammatory

@randomchap it made me chuckle!

thepeopleversuswork

totally agree. This is unprecedented very difficult times. Me and DH are in this together. We are both finding it extra hard at times, but we are both going through it equally. Neither of us are used to this in any way, shape or form. And to me and him, we are just working hard at keeping safe.

I think it is really really selfish of any man to complain of boredom at this time. Think it if they must, but don't voice it. Just get on with living, even if it's a different kind of living.

I'm so glad I'm not with my ex during all of this, he was never happy at home unless sat in front of his computer in his 'man cave'. I think its because he invested nothing in the running of the house so it wasn't really 'home' as such. It was just a place where someone else lived to meet his needs.

Current DP is a normal adult human thankfully.

It is obviously difficult for anyone to be "isolated" for a period of time. If a wife or husband is struggling with this, then the "other half" must try to help.
I would suggest that men might find this isolation easier-us men do not gossip or chat for prolonged periods-we can survive for a lot longer than women without communication. In fact this is a common criticism of men.

@onlyaman lovely bit of mansplaining there...

us men do not gossip or chat for prolonged periods-we can survive for a lot longer than women without communication. In fact this is a common criticism of men.

Now now Not All Men Are Like That. If a woman said that about any other characteristic of men as a class ...

My husband was like this last week after only a few days of home working. I ha strong words and told him to sort himself out. That we have weeks and weeks if this and it's going to be intolerable if he carries on being awful and grumpy. He has got his shit together now, sorted an at home exercise routine, and all is lovely again!

Some really grumpy and unpleasant posters on this thread. What happened to #BeKind?

To be fair my dh is finding it super hard - he’s very active usually - plays sport a few times a week and is always out “doing chores” my dad is the same. Whereas I’m happy to sit for an entire weekend as is my mum.

Not sure if that’s down to sex though or just different personalities

@randomchap

I totally giggled.

I actually think men could find this harder than women due to our patriarchal set up.

As a woman I'm socialised to connect with people. I have lots of friends, we've all been non-stop messaging, checking in on each other, having great conversations and boosting each other up. We will contact each other and say "I'm stressed" and someone will be there.

The men I know aren't like that, including my DH. Because they're not brought up to show weakness or emotion. He's lovely, and he has friends, but they're not connecting with each other in the same way.

Obviously there are going to be exceptions. And I'm in NZ, where men are definitely NOT rewarded for showing their softer side.

butterfly why is it your job to entertain a grown man?