Men are finding this isolation/social distancing harder than women

[justasking111]

I am finding it harder to keep OH occupied than any child I have had. Having raised three being housebound through their illnesses plus one six week illness of my own. I am finding it more challenging to keep OH on an even keel, he had a mini explosion last night over something minor. He is champing at the bit to be out and about.

I cannot entertain him with puzzles, games, BBC learning unfortunately.

I think he should be grateful he is not on a ventilator, but he is chafing. To be fair he tore tendons in his shoulder in January, got scan six weeks later, and his urgent operation was cancelled this week so he may be left permanently impaired a time sensitive op. He is in pain but keeps going like the duracell bunny.

It is not so much I am expected to entertain him but he is bored, telling me I am lazy, well there are only so many times I can hoover, clean, washing machine things, my hands are dried out from disinfecting every bloody thing in the house every day.

I am scared for him, my adult children, my grandchildren, my old dog. But I am not throwing tantrums.

Yes Juan patio being dug . He has in all our marriage sang out of tune. It's a mixture between bad opera and a cat shut out the house, high pitched and weird. I'm used to it, believe it or not. Part of my brain tunes it out.
But to suddenly start whistling after over thirty years together, was one step too far.

I did tell him to shut it or I wouldn't be responsible for my actions

He’s telling you you are lazy? knock that on the head for starters. We could be in for a very long stretch of this. Don’t let him start that shit.

my hands are dried out from disinfecting every bloody thing in the house every day.

Why on earth are you doing all that?

I know you were trying to be light hearted op, and I'm sorry, but your way of thinking is awful.
You sound like you think he is superior to you, and that you need to do whatever you can to please him.

Mines been out and bought compost and all the stuff for sorting the garden out.

If we’re going to be in, we may as well do something productive.

Might even paint the house if we can.

OP he is bored and angsty, yet telling you YOU are lazy?
I would tear him off a strip and make him do ALL the jobs you do. Let him disinfect.
He is sounding quite unpleasant

Eye roll thread if ever there was one

Oh he has bought compost, seeds, that he can manage with one useless arm, but painting and decorating are beyond him now. It is difficult to do things with one arm.

He doesn`t read books which is a pity, his back seizes up if he sits in the armchair for too long he says.

Maybe a few months of isolation will do him good to be honest. But for the rest of us to endure it will not be fun.

Marrying an action man can be a trial at times.

My partner is amusing himself because he’s an adult and his boredom is not my problem and vice versa. Not because either of us is perfect but if he was acting as if I should find him something to do I really would be a bit wtf.

Why is he saying you're lazy? Surely if he's bored, he can do some of the jobs that he thinks you're not doing (because you're "too lazy"). Why isn't he hoovering, cleaning, washing things alongside you?

Along with many PP, I also take offence at the suggestion that I need to entertain my husband. We're both adults and we both (ordinarily) work full time (I'm the higher earner if it makes a difference). Just because I don't have a penis, it doesn't mean that i'm responsible for finding things to entertain him! I'm sure it's no a coincidence, but he's not going stir-crazy because he's busy cooking and helping to sort out the kids.

Why on earth are you trying to keep an adult entertained. Are you that bored?!

Perhaps if you stop treating him like a clingy pet, he'll stop behaving like one. It's poor form to generalise simply based on your own experience. Some men will be finding this more difficult than some women, and vice versa. Aka some people are finding it harder than others.

To be serious for a moment, men perhaps measure success by going out to work and bringing home the bacon, take that away from them what is left.

To be serious for a moment, your most recent post suggests you are married to someone deeply unpleasant who treats you badly, and that -- as many domestic violence groups have predicted, social distancing has made this worse. Perhaps focus on that, and get the help and support you need, rather than worrying about ways to 'entertain' an adult man whose chief response to you seems to be calling you lazy.

What your husband is doing is not normal. Please don't try to make it so by inventing inane excuses for him being frustrated by not being able to 'bring home the bacon'. Both DH and I bring home the bacon, but we are both getting on with homeschooling our child, looking after our elderly locked-down parents, and being kind to one another.

He's bored so you're lazy? Fuck that. Why are you disinfecting everything, or not using gloves? He's an unpleasant bully. Nope, I wouldn't have stayed married to someone like that.

Ok op. You're not listening. You think your husband is gods gift. We get it. To outsiders, based on what you've written, he sounds like a selfish bellend. We'll be here when you realise it.

all detractors are married to happy clappy men quite happy to be at home

Love how from the OP‘s perspective all adult men who can stay at home with their families without exploding at their children and sulking are “happy clappy men”

Get that people get restless but let’s face it - a man who can manage his own time and emotions just fine is infinitely preferable.

Mad how people rationalise things.

Yep. Currently not speaking to mine as he has been to play tennis with our son and now getting a click and collect order from b&q whilst we are isolating. Am livid

Take him to the vets and have him put down.

He doesn`t read books which is a pity

Maybe he should start? There is a whole world out there in books he is missing. And he doesn't have to sit in the same position to do it.

Personally I couldn't be married to someone who didn't read books, but there you go...

Men are always more trouble than kids in my experience.
Now my kids are men I think it depends on the men.

What does he normally do at the weekend? If he’s been to Tesco and for a dog walk, how is that different to usual?

Marrying an action man can be a trial at times.

You're full of excuses for him. He's a wanker. But it sounds like you've been strongly conditioned to strict gender roles and excuse crap behaviour as 'it's just de menz for you, they have adhd, dyslexia, blah blah blah'.

Marrying an action man can be a trial at times.

Right. Well, I think your view of the world is clear here. Action Man vs 'happy clappy men'? Do explain what exactly you mean by the latter?

Because it looks from here like you married a bully with no inner life, and are now defending his abuse of you.

Galleyhead has it spot on.
Stop normalising his behaviour because we are not going to go " oh what are men like eh?"

Marrying an action man can be a trial at times🙄🙄🙄