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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men are finding this isolation/social distancing harder than women

203 replies

justasking111 · 21/03/2020 13:16

I am finding it harder to keep OH occupied than any child I have had. Having raised three being housebound through their illnesses plus one six week illness of my own. I am finding it more challenging to keep OH on an even keel, he had a mini explosion last night over something minor. He is champing at the bit to be out and about.

I cannot entertain him with puzzles, games, BBC learning unfortunately. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 21/03/2020 14:24

@TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg I do take issue with your minimising dyslexia ADD ADHD, he has two of those conditions. I have worked in a school with children who suffer with this, it really is not easy for them. I also have a brother with a mild form of autism. It really is not something that can help or can be cured.

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 21/03/2020 14:26

Haha my DH is living the dream. All our social activities that I drag him along to cancelled. It's bliss for him

HatRack · 21/03/2020 14:26

Op how old are you?

QueenofmyPrinces · 21/03/2020 14:26

I think my husband will start going crazy soon....

He’s used to going to the gym a lot, going to sports fixtures, Friday night down the pub with friends etc......

He will not cope well with cabin fever.

He’s also not used to spending prolonged time with the children 24-7 Grin

GreytExpectations · 21/03/2020 14:27

Op I think you got the responses you wanted from this, haven't you?

Quicklittlenamechange · 21/03/2020 14:28

Ah nice drip feed there OP.

Stompythedinosaur · 21/03/2020 14:29

Feminism doesn't trump millions of years of evolutionary biology.

There is no science I know of to back this statement up!

To be serious for a moment, men perhaps measure success by going out to work and bringing home the bacon, take that away from them what is left

Then the issue is men who feel this way needing to embrace feminism and address the idea that value is allocated in this way.

I don't need to occupy my partner - he is able to keep busy doing childcare and housework while I go to work (I'm a nurse). He hasn't felt emasculated by this because there is nothing unmasculine about doing what he needs to to look after his family.

BeetrootRocks · 21/03/2020 14:29

If women are 'coping' better it's probs because we are more used to just having to get the fuck on with things.

Why is he telling you you're lazy while you are doing all the cleaning. Thats not right op

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 21/03/2020 14:30

I do take issue with your minimising dyslexia ADD ADHD, he has two of those conditions. I have worked in a school with children who suffer with this, it really is not easy for them. I also have a brother with a mild form of autism. It really is not something that can help or can be cured.

But not with your spouse who is treating you like shit calling you lazy and behaving like a brat Hmm. Interesting. My h has severe dyslexia. My son has ADHD and high-functioning autism. They would never dream of behaving towards me or anyone else the way your husband is with you because it's unacceptable and also I wouldn't tolerate it. No, it's not something that can be cured, and nowhere did I minimise it, I live with it every day, it is never acceptable to abuse your partner, call them lazy, throw strops because you're 'bored' when you're an adult. But you allow it, seem to defend it almost that he's 'action man' and 'bring home the bacon' man and those who are not blessed with such an unpleasant person are married to 'happy clappy' men (whatever that is).

Quicklittlenamechange · 21/03/2020 14:31

If you had posted your DH with ADHD etc was finding it difficult rather than all "action men" 🤮 are tits, then you would have different replies.
Whether he has ADHD or not "exploding" at you is not ok

Atthebottomofthegarden · 21/03/2020 14:34

I suggest you make him a list of jobs to do around the house. Make them as boring or unpleasant as you like - clean the oven, tidy the garage, clean the bathroom... I guarantee he’ll find something else to amuse him!

This technique also works extremely well on children. DD knows better than to tell me she’s bored! Funnily enough I remember my Mum doing it to me too!

CheriLittlebottom · 21/03/2020 14:35

He doesn`t read books

Well, colour me surprised.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/03/2020 14:37

He needs to start doing other stuff doesn't he....
There's plenty you can do to ameliorate impact of add/adhd dyslexia...

You don't have to just be... That's it nothing will change!

BendingSpoons · 21/03/2020 14:38

My DH will cope a lot better than me. He likes being at home and occupies himself with DIY, gardening etc. I like to go out each day and will get really bored.

GalleyHead · 21/03/2020 14:38

Feminism doesn't trump millions of years of evolutionary biology.

Is that the type of 'evolutionary biology' that views men as stalking around grunting like Barney Rubble, and clubbing women over the heads and dragging them back to their caves? Because they can't help it, the poor loves, they're hardwired like that? Hmm

Thinking with your actual 21st-century brain trumps that kind of 'evolutionary biology'.

adaline · 21/03/2020 14:40

What a helpful drip feed Hmm

Stop excusing his appalling behaviour.

Original poster
justasking111 · 21/03/2020 14:46

I am not excusing his behaviour but I do understand how some conditions alter what others see as normal is not their normal.

As for LTB umm.. I wonder how that is going to go during this emergency, where are the solicitors, the courts availability. The divorce applications will fall during this time for sure.

OP posts:
TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 21/03/2020 14:48

I am not excusing his behaviour but I do understand how some conditions alter what others see as normal is not their normal.

That's just another excuse. He's a grown up. I wouldn't even take that behaviour off my 12-year-old son who has ADHD and high-functioning autism (he takes 3 different medications). It's not acceptable. He knows it.

Pumpkintopf · 21/03/2020 15:00

What would he usually be spending his Saturday doing that he can't do?

Agree with pp don't let him start with calling you lazy.

conduitoffortune · 21/03/2020 15:04

Oh, I have ADHD. And I 'bring home the bacon' too. Does that mean I'm also allowed to behave like a prick to everybody stuck in the house with me and also a little snowflake who moans when bored? Or is that any allowed for people with penises?

conduitoffortune · 21/03/2020 15:06

And actually, how offensive to those of us with ADHD. You married a knobhead, don't be applying blanket statements to everyone with ADHD just because that suits your narrative.

PhilCornwall1 · 21/03/2020 15:07

I'm not a "happy clappy" one, but I'm certainly not expecting my wife to keep me entertained, its my bloody job to sort me out.

I'd love to be able to nip out to get something from the shop, but I'm stuck around here for 3 months as I'm high risk, is it going to be hard? I bet it is, but I'm not going to be complaining I'm bored every 5 minutes, even if I am. If I did that, Mrs PC would have every right to smother me in my sleep!!

MitziK · 21/03/2020 15:10

I'm entertaining mine with a new toy.

A steam cleaner.

Well, there's no way on earth I'm spending the next three months or more getting up at usual time and working from home whilst he twats about on his guitar and watching Knight Rider, The A Team and sodding 'comedy' series on a constant loop.

It's a win-win - he has something useful to do, I get a cleaner house (his standards are generally that of the average second year University student) and hopefully, it'll tire him out after he's done two fully tiled bathrooms and the entire kitchen.

ShiveringCoyote · 21/03/2020 15:13

As you have worked in a school with children with ADHD (ADD has not been used for quite some time as a different diagnosis) you will know there are most likely just as many girls and women with those conditions (as with Autism) going undiagnosed. So it's less to do with your husband's conditions and more to do with his lack of respect for you as an equal person.

PotholeParadise · 21/03/2020 15:14

There are plenty or reasons that men may find this harder than women.

Feminism doesn't trump millions of years of evolutionary biology.

You know which sex buys and plays computer games more than the other? Hint: it's not women.

Men across the country (and some women, including me Grin) are enjoying the opportunity to stay inside on the X-box, despite your claims that men find it more difficult than women to stay indoors.