MIL gender disappointment

[yeoma95601]

So on Saturday my fiancé and I found out on my late grandfathers birthday that we are having a boy! We're both over the moon and it's made everything so much special, I feel like my son is blessed by my grandfather who was a very special man to me.

We told MIL today we are having a boy, now she's told me from the start she wanted a girl but I thought that regardless she will love the baby. Anyway when we told her, no exaggeration she threw her arms down and said "for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy" she then said "can you try again so I can have a girl?" She knows I've had MC and this baby took 4 years to have as is.

I now feel like my son won't be loved and won't be special because he's just another grandson, my fiancé does have a niece and I feel like now she will be the golden child and my boy will be left out. Am I being a jerk for being upset and has anyone else been through the same?

Thanks in advance all.

@NoNeedToBeRudeDear not this thread but the one on the Facebook page yes, that's where his sister commented on the post

"Don't marry him.
Don't put him on the birth certificate.
Don't give the bairn his name.

Try and retain as much control as you can."

Reiterating this.

Tbh OP it's very unlikely that you will be able to get married in 9 weeks due to the Coronavirus anyway. Use this time to really decide if this is the life you want to live.

@Autumn2019 is absolutely right. I should have said that, despite being disappointed that he wasn't a granddaughter, my mum has never loved ds3 any less than she loves the other two.

Look, this is giving you a MASSIVE insight into the kind of family you would be marrying into here.

Here's a massive tip too - DON'T.

Cancel the wedding. Not least because if you aren't marreid by the time you have the baby, he can't register your son. So the decision rests entirely with you - and you have many months to mull this over and to see how this plays out and what support you get from him - the decision rests entirely with you on what surname your baby has. And all his names, incidentally.

If it were me, I might just be thinking right now that giving my baby that absolute arsehole womans surname might be something I really may not want to do when it comes to the crunch.

She's absolutely vile and I would think very carefully whether her son has your back. Properly has your back (Spoiler: he doesn't).

This is the start of family life. Everything changes when you have a baby. She'll have a 'right' to be in there, part of your family, or thinking she does, in a way she doesn't now.

Don't marry him. Not yet, anyway.

And do fuck her off incredibly by giving the baby your surname. Because here's another spoiler: it's more likely than not that if this is the calibre of your DP, you won't be with him forever, and if that ever happens, you will totally wish your son shared your name and not his/hers.

Please don't marry him, he's spineless and hasn't got your back nor his own baby's back either. If you do marry him then you're setting yourself up for a lot of grief.

Avoid the trap of "I look like the bad guy"

People like this DARVO (worth googling). They will twist and shout to make out they are the victim of you.

You, if sensitive to such nonsense, then self-police heavily. You feel you must be perfect. You dare not speak nor act because it will always be turned back on you. If you make even a tiny mis-step yourself you then feel you cannot complain about anything at all.

You feel horrible. You are walking on eggshells. You hate that some people speak badly of you. This is your life if you stay around these people.

Run. Run. Run.

Get them all out of your life. It is your only escape. Do not waste time on trying to set things up so you look like the good guy. That will be sabotaged and nobody else cares anyway. Embrace being their bad guy and cut yourself free.

"My fiancé is just like "I am on your side, I got my mum to apologise, everyone needs to calm down" so now it wasn't his mother apologising but she was just made to"
Well isn't he a peach. Everyone - I expect that means you and only you, not his mother and sister, oh no not them - needs to calm down. What he ACTUALLY means is that you need to pretend this didn't happen so that he can pretend everything is just fine and his mother can continue being shitty.

This man (and I'm using the word in it's loosest sense) is loyal to his mother and NOT to you. He is, quite simply, not marriage material.

Honestly, I think you should cancel the wedding. If he shapes up at a later date, marry then; but right now marrying him would be a huge mistake. Be single when you give birth.

I will repeat good advice already given:

DemelzaRobins Thu 19-Mar-20 13:52:56
"Don't marry him.
Don't put him on the birth certificate.
Don't give the bairn his name.

Try and retain as much control as you can."

Reiterating this.

Tbh OP it's very unlikely that you will be able to get married in 9 weeks due to the Coronavirus anyway. Use this time to really decide if this is the life you want to live.

@TorkTorkBam
Great post.

OP, why on earth would you want to marry a weak apologist of a man, that comes from a family, that frankly behave as if they must have sprouted from the very dregs of society?

Don't marry him.
Don't put him on the birth certificate.
Dont give the baby his name....

You can't really imagine that you are going to have a happily ever after in that horror show?

Protect yourself.
Protect your precious son from a stressful life.

OP please don't marry him. Split up now, because he certainly is not taking your side, and he never truly will. He will never genuinely and truly stand by you and put his family in their place. He is doing a wishywashy 'calm down'. Even when his mother went over to your mothers, he should have told her in no uncertain terms to get out now or else he'll never speak to her again and she won't meet her grandson, that he is ashamed of her. He is making no real attempt to calm the situation, everything is half-hearted, he is letting his family bully and smear you. He is not going to change, OP. THIS, will be your life all the time if you marry into this. This is a mirror, or a crystal ball showing your life, forever.

You can either turn away now, or embrace this type of future. His family sound like absolute trash. Garbage. Your parents don't want you marrying into that family. And do you really want to have these as your family? Really?

Please get out now. You can co-parent. You don't need to be together just for the baby. Babies and children pick up on stress, and that is what your entire life will be like with this family. Walking on eggshells and knowing your partner will never truly make a stand for you. You are getting the neon flashing warnings, before you get married. Take heed of the warnings and do not under any circumstances get married to him.

@yeoma95601 how's everything going?

@herbie01 it's been ok thanks, fiancé actually stood up for me and the baby so he's proved himself there!

However my neighbours have assaulted my mother now after I complained they were having a social gathering so it seems the drama is endless at the moment 🤣!

How're you?

My MIL said the exact thing when we done our gender reveal... that she wanted a girl instead. Shes an asshole. My son is now born and it’s constant criticism and so on, I’m desperate to say something to her but afraid it will come between DH and myself. I’ve spoken to him about it but he doesn’t want to say anything as she argues and falls out with everyone at the drop of a hat