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Original poster

MIL gender disappointment

187 replies

yeoma95601 · 16/03/2020 17:43

So on Saturday my fiancé and I found out on my late grandfathers birthday that we are having a boy! We're both over the moon and it's made everything so much special, I feel like my son is blessed by my grandfather who was a very special man to me.

We told MIL today we are having a boy, now she's told me from the start she wanted a girl but I thought that regardless she will love the baby. Anyway when we told her, no exaggeration she threw her arms down and said "for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy" she then said "can you try again so I can have a girl?" She knows I've had MC and this baby took 4 years to have as is.

I now feel like my son won't be loved and won't be special because he's just another grandson, my fiancé does have a niece and I feel like now she will be the golden child and my boy will be left out. Am I being a jerk for being upset and has anyone else been through the same?

Thanks in advance all.

OP posts:
Henrysmycat · 17/03/2020 05:47

*when my FIL found out. Apologies.

Somanysocks · 17/03/2020 07:18

Be consoled by the fact that she is not your mother in law.

Silentplikebath · 17/03/2020 07:53

Don’t stand for this. Tell your fiancé that her ‘joke’ was deeply upsetting and that you expect her to apologise. Explain that he has to choose whether to stand up for you and his unborn son or defend his nasty mother. If he’s a mummy’s boy, you need to think about being a single parent.

cakecakecheese · 17/03/2020 09:11

Urgh oh good we've got a 'she's not your MIL as you're not married' pedant Hmm so helpful.

Anyway I can see why you're upset and definitely don't be fobbed off with the 'it was a joke' nonsense.

SnoozyLou · 17/03/2020 09:13

Urgh oh good we've got a 'she's not your MIL as you're not married' pedant so helpful.

I love those. Especially when they've been married for all of 5 minutes and they've giving advice on a relationship that's as old as they are.

Somanysocks · 17/03/2020 09:22

And someone always bites Grin

hellsbellsmelons · 17/03/2020 09:23

"for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy"
You: Well TBH MIL, I think you are probably a bit too old to be having another child. Don't you?

This could be a blessing OP.
She sounds horrible and she probably won't be around and won't interfere as much as she would have if you were having girl.
Every cloud!!!

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 17/03/2020 09:25

And your partner said...?
I would go low contact and if she asks why then respond well you made your thoughts clear at the beginning.
What a nasty woman.

BeaLola · 17/03/2020 10:32

Perhaps you should say well I always hoped for a lovely MIL .....

Her loss

Original poster
yeoma95601 · 17/03/2020 10:55

@Rosspoldarkssaddle he's basically just said she's only joking and that's her sense of humour and how she's actually excited but I can't tell that because I don't know her like him 🙃.

He didn't see the look in her eyes... pure disappointment is what it was

OP posts:
Inthepurplerain · 17/03/2020 12:04

@ yeoma95601
The fact he’s trying to manipulate you into seeing a situation differently is concerning.

You saw what happened, you understand she meant it. He shouldn’t be behaving like this.

You’ve got a partner issue here and it’ll only get worse when your lo is around.

billy1966 · 17/03/2020 12:13

I would be so pissed off at my husband trying to tell me something as ugly as her remark, was not what it was.

OP, do not allow him to do this.
Do NOT accept him gaslightening you on this.

I would be so disappointed in him.

As for his mother....she's clearly a very ugly person and i would take all of this as extremely eye opening.

To say those words...to be so vulgar about a longed for pregnancy.

I would neither forgive nor forget.

But i would feel very very forewarned.

I hope you have family and friends to tell, exactly what she said.

Any decent, normal person, would be appalled at what she said...and her son's denial of it....apple and tree comes to mind.

Wishing you the very best OPFlowers

SnoozyLou · 17/03/2020 12:31

I think the other posters are right. All the better. Hopefully you won't have her trying to muscle in every 5 minutes now.

BiddyPop · 17/03/2020 12:35

Well at least the good thing is that it is not your fault - (any DC is a blessing in my mind - it’s just that, genetics-wise, the decision on gender comes down to the sperm not the egg, so it’s entirely DFiance’s “fault” that his DM is upset🤣🤣)....

But I would ignore her from here on out if that is her attitude

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/03/2020 12:36

he's basically just said she's only joking and that's her sense of humour and how she's actually excited but I can't tell that because I don't know her like him Tell him NO! She doesn't get to speak to you like that and he doesn't get to dismiss you like that! He should have been appalled that his mother could so casually dismiss HIS CHILD, let alone upset you like that!

He MUST grow up, adjust his thinking to his own family, children and you. His mum has to make the same adjustment, and that includes treating you with the most basic of respect, as if you are, you know, actually a human person, not just a baby factory for her enjoyment!

You are now officially on notice that she is at best an unthinking mare! And ypur OP is still firmly attached to her apron strings!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/03/2020 12:44

Maybe it was a joke. But you are entitled to be completely and totally offended by the joke. If she truly was joking and didn't mean it let her come to you and apologise, in person. You can accept the apology, without agreeing to be happy to spend time in her company

You should not call to see her. You should not entertain her in your house. When your baby is born don't bring him to see her. Don't let her come to you. Her son can bring his child to see her if he wishes. But that would be enough for me to cut her out.

itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 17/03/2020 13:14

Oh OP. You have no idea the life you are now going to endure from these two wankers.

MzHz · 17/03/2020 13:21

I would explain calmly that you saw her face, her eyes and her intentions

She did mean what she said and nothing will unring that bell.

Your fiancé now has a choice, to believe you and stop trying to convince you that you’re insane, or not.

The not though will mean that you have all the information you need is to make sure that you marrying into this shit show isn’t going to happen. And seeing as she’s sooooooo disappointed, she won’t want to have any contact with your son when he has him every other weekend.

CharlottedeGaulle · 17/03/2020 13:25

Well you certainly won’t be giving your son his father’s or grandmother’s surname will you?

sprite25 · 17/03/2020 13:26

If she says any more about disappointment, I'd say 'you're disappointed?! Imagine how I felt when I found out I'd be getting YOU as a mother in law! Now THAT'S disappointment!' if she dares to get upset, 'it was only a joke'
On a more serious note, if your fiance isnt going to stick up for you now, he probably never will. Good luck!

MzHz · 17/03/2020 13:28

Absolutely DONT give your son his dads name!

IF you get married, you can change it afterwards, but right now, keep your name until your fiancé wakes up and realises what’s going on here

Do you think this is an excuse? Given there is already a girl, do you think whatever you announced she’d have had something shitty to say?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/03/2020 13:36

Mol. For fuck sake I wanted a girl.

Me. For fuck sake I wanted to win the lottery on Saturday.
Life. Sorry Spider but for now you’re still whistling Dixie.

MulticolourMophead · 17/03/2020 13:36

If she really was just someone with an odd sense of humour, she'd have apologised properly for upsetting you by now.

That she hasn't means your OH is just trying to minimise and gaslight.

She meant it. And I agree with making sure your DC has your name, it can be changed later.

Because his response shows he's still putting his mum first.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/03/2020 13:38

If that was her idea of a joke, she should become a stand up comic. She’s so hilarious she’ll sell out straight away, Hmm

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/03/2020 13:39

Mil not mol

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