MIL gender disappointment

[yeoma95601]

So on Saturday my fiancé and I found out on my late grandfathers birthday that we are having a boy! We're both over the moon and it's made everything so much special, I feel like my son is blessed by my grandfather who was a very special man to me.

We told MIL today we are having a boy, now she's told me from the start she wanted a girl but I thought that regardless she will love the baby. Anyway when we told her, no exaggeration she threw her arms down and said "for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy" she then said "can you try again so I can have a girl?" She knows I've had MC and this baby took 4 years to have as is.

I now feel like my son won't be loved and won't be special because he's just another grandson, my fiancé does have a niece and I feel like now she will be the golden child and my boy will be left out. Am I being a jerk for being upset and has anyone else been through the same?

Thanks in advance all.

It sounds like this is the first time someone’s actually called her on her bad behaviour so now she’s throwing a massive tantrum to try and deflect and make herself the victim. What has your DP’s response been? Unless he’s put himself very firmly in your corner I’d be seriously considering the relationship.

Weddings prob all going to be cancelled anyway.
Take it as a sign...
To run like hell.

What’s that message all about with the golden child reference and the needing and slap line?

Your MIL is out of line and has been very hurtful, a much wanted baby is always amazing no matter what gender. Congratulations on your little boy, I’ve two boys are they are the sweetest little people.

@Bbang basically the same post I did on here I also put on an anonymous Facebook group which my fiancé's sisters found.

The golden child reference is in regard to me saying how I feel like her daughter will be the golden child and the slap thing is what other people are saying on the post that my MIL deserves. I've not reacted to the comments or commented back as it was anonymous but now she's commented and everyone will know who I am and my sons gender which I didn't want people knowing as it was a surprise for my family which is why it was kept anonymous..

OP, what on earth must your family think of whom you have gotten involved with?.

Think very hard about marryng into that type of a background.😳

I agree with above....this is how they behave and you have now questioned it and she has escalated her appalling behaviour.

You certainly won't be able to tell yourself you didn't know what you were marrying into if you go ahead.....it's been very clearly laid out for you.

Goid luck.

@billy1966 my family think they're arseholes. My father is absolutely livid and as he said "every child is a blessing no matter what gender, it's not a joke to be disappointed".

My fiancé is just like "I am on your side, I got my mum to apologise, everyone needs to calm down" so now it wasn't his mother apologising but she was just made to and now I'M in the wrong because I'm fuming.. I don't even want this baby to have any of them in his life

And what does he say about her storming into your mothers house?!

@PlainBritishFlour well nothing really, he went outside to calm her down. He did say we didn't need it and it was wrong but that was about all

But his Mum didn't appologize. I'm sorry If you were offended isn't an appology.
She worded it carefully to disguse it as an appology.
I'm sorry I offended you, or, I'm so sorry I hurt you, is an appology

Don't marry him.
Don't put him on the birth certificate.
Don't give the bairn his name.

Try and retain as much control as you can.

^this.

Well he doesn't get to sweep this under the rug.
Bitch does deserve a slap.

I would honestly reply to SIL
And say
"Your mother stormed into my family home verbally abusing me and shouting when my family were privately grieving.
That is unforgivable. I don't want any further contact from any of you."

I've now been told that I am vilifying the mother and this has been said by his sister. My day is getting better

Block them all in all ways. Your bloke needs to pick a side imo...

OP, listen to me, honestly, I have been there with a horrendous bitch MIL.

1. she will never change
2. she will never like you
3. there is nothing you can do to change 1 or 2.
4. if your husband does not take your side 100% you are doomed to fail/be seriously unhappy. He needs to back you now, FULLY, otherwise you need to draw stumps and walk away.

Why, if you were keeping the sex a surprise for your family, did you tell his family? Why was his mother at your viability scan? I'm very close to my mother she is a genuine treasure, but she didn't come to my scans. She wasn't told whether we were having a boy or girl.

I feel you have been bullied into situations with this woman that you wouldn't normally do.

Take this as a very loud and clear message of what's to come.

Your relationship with your fiancé can survive separate to his family. Don't throw that away on the say so of internet strangers who know nothing about you as a couple.

But absolutely stay away from that woman now. If you accept any sort of half arsed "you'll get used to me" apology you will be walked on for the rest of your days within this family.

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre I told her because of the pressure she was putting on me, constant messages and comments about the gender even when I said no, I'll attach a message she sent me badgering me about 2 days before I told her the gender for me to tell her. I took her to the scan because I was hospitalised and she was the only person who was available and turned up uninvited regardless.

I now feel like I'm the villain in all of this

You're not. You're just unlucky to have got involved with an entire family of arseholes.

Don't ever think you've done anything wrong.

Cut the nasty bastards out of your life and have a lovely time with your little lad.

Apple didn't fall far from the proverbial tree with the sister did it!

Context still wouldn't make that "joke" ok, no decent person truely excited about baby would say that kind of thing as first reaction to finding out gender.

I wish I could find FB group post to respond to your SIL!

Coincidentally, I was chatting to my mum yesterday, and she told me something she'd never told me before - that she was disappointed that all my children were boys - she was really hoping for a granddaughter, especially when I was pregnant with dc3 - she thought that, after two boys, I was due a girl.

However, unlike @yeoma95601's MIL, she never breathed a word of this to me at the time, and wouldn't have dreamt of making me feel bad about it!

@herbie01 it was on a page called Beauty and the Beast, all of the comments are saying the same as all the comments on here but now his sisters made that comment I look the bad guy

A massive part of becoming a mother is becoming an adult.

That means you need to stop rolling over and taking shit. You are about to become someone's sole advocate.

You need to absolutely rip your boyfriend a new arsehole. And tell him that his mothers behaviour has ended whatever relationship you have with his family. So where does he stand?

Has she seen this thread op? Is that what the last message is about?

They all sound course, common and unhinged!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. Don't worry OP, your child will be loved very much. He would be loved by you and your DP and a lot of other relatives and friends etc. Unfortunately, some grandparent's have favourites and we can't change that. My mil is also a silly cow who had the audacity to tell us (straight to our faces) that her favourite GC is her eldest gc who is in their 20's (Dbil started family early and we started late hence the age difference in gc). I was so upset with her for awhile but didn't show it. I am just being civil to her for DH's sake. She's not feeding my child or clothing my child and we are not relying on her for anything so i don't really care who her favourite is. When she gets older and needs help then i hope for her sake that her favourite gc will be there for her coz me and my child certainly won't be. It is what it is. Stay away from her as much as possible as you don't really want such toxic people in your life esp.not during your pregnancy. Dont dwell on it and enjoy your pregnancy x

You absolutely have done nothing worth. I'm just trying to highlight that she has pushed you to do things you are uncomfortable with. Remember that.

She is nothing to you. Nothing. She's your partner's mother. She is not entitled to any information on your life, whatsoever.

Of course she's going to minimise it, and of course her own daughter is going to stick up for her. You're the "outsider" in that family, and they have years of shared history that you don't have.

But.. they are the "outsiders" in YOUR family. Play this right, show them you won't be walked on and eventually you might be able to relax your guard. But you will have shown them that you won't accept bullshit, and one wrong move and you will walk away from them.

It might be enough to keep them in line.
It might not. But it will be YOU making the decision.