MIL gender disappointment

[yeoma95601]

So on Saturday my fiancé and I found out on my late grandfathers birthday that we are having a boy! We're both over the moon and it's made everything so much special, I feel like my son is blessed by my grandfather who was a very special man to me.

We told MIL today we are having a boy, now she's told me from the start she wanted a girl but I thought that regardless she will love the baby. Anyway when we told her, no exaggeration she threw her arms down and said "for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy" she then said "can you try again so I can have a girl?" She knows I've had MC and this baby took 4 years to have as is.

I now feel like my son won't be loved and won't be special because he's just another grandson, my fiancé does have a niece and I feel like now she will be the golden child and my boy will be left out. Am I being a jerk for being upset and has anyone else been through the same?

Thanks in advance all.

Just text her back saying. "I think it would be a lot easier if you got used to my reaction as I will never think that kind of comment funny"

Absolutely this.

You have ONE shot to shut this crap down once and for all.

“You know enough to know that this “joke” isn’t a joke. It’s a barb and I’m not going to accept it as anything else. YOU are going to get used to being a LOT less rude and catty as I won’t accept anything like this again.”

OP, i feel for you....I really do...but your update !!!

The expression "if you lay down with dogs, expect flees"....

Only on MN do these people seem to exist...i certainly haven't ever met anyone so unbelievably unkind in my nearly 60 years.

Please protect yourself from both mother AND son..you deserve such kindness and support...

You know enough to know that this “joke” isn’t a joke. It’s a barb and I’m not going to accept it as anything else. YOU are going to get used to being a LOT less rude and catty as I won’t accept anything like this again

Copy, paste, send

I wouldn't reply. At all. It doesn't warrant a reply. By replying to her you are inviting conversation. You are letting her know there's a chance for you two to have a relationship. Why on earth did you bring her to your viability scan? Where it was perfectly expected that your sonographer would bring up relevant medical history. You cannot expect a medical professional to watch their p's and q's because you've brought somebody unsuitable to your medical appointment.

Back away from this woman. Now. You are allowing her far too much input in your life. She is nothing to you. She is your fiancé's mother. That's it. You don't need to have any sort of relationship with her. Any relationship you to have, she will call the shots, she will set the tone, and you will be here in 4 years time posting about how your mil says horrible things to your son about you, in front of you!

Cut her out. She doesn't need an explanation. She'll know exactly why.

Just read your update OP.

Unbelievable. This woman wouldn’t come anywhere near to me again if I were in your shoes and wouldn’t come close either to my son once he was born. Nasty, vile and disrespectful are even nice ways to describe the things she said to you.

Keep your fiancés trash mother out of your life, she shouldn’t be at your private medical appointments or obsessing over your foetus’ genitals. Creepy. Her son can get her under control, doesn’t matter if he witters on about her ‘joking/that’s who she is/I don’t like confrontation’ etc. Nah. He chose to make his own family, now he puts a stop to his creepy ma acting like scum.

She's a cunt, end of.
You can't pick the gender but you can pick who you allow to be in his life and she doesn't deserve it.
Your partner needs to stand up to his mum and put her in her place.
Your DS will be loved by you. He doesn't need her.

Don't bother replying. She will continue to defend and justify and keep trying to flip it back on you.
That was a genuine reaction, not a joke.

My MIL is supposedly "so excited" about our 1st baby due soon, or so she tells the rest of the family, but all she's done when she's seen me is crack a tanty I'm not having a baby shower and then talks for the rest of the visits about golden 2 nephews and SIL (her favorite daughter in law).
I stopped bothering to share baby news and left her to DH.
I've got plenty of other family and friends genuinely interested in the baby, so why bother with someone who just seems to keep up appearance of being excited grandma to everyone else but show no actual interest in baby?
Boys tend to get more excitement in my in-laws family more than girls - old school mentality & BS about carrying on the family name etc. Seems stupid from a MIL point of view given that they married into the name to start with.

Just block her op.
My mil never had my mobile number...

Update - she just came to my mothers house who is mourning the loss of her mother ( my nan) and screamed holy hell and told my fiancé to fuck off and he's now upset. I can't win when all I've done is be polite and take a step back to not cause arguments and then this happens. I'm at a loss on what to do🙃

Raging for you here yeoma.

"screamed holy hell and told my fiancé to fuck off and he's now upset."
Good. Let's see him try to pass THAT off as her just joking. I'd be inclined to parrot his own words back to him ("she didn't mean it") in a voice dripping with sarcasm. I'd definitely take the opportunity to point out to him that she's shown you who she is, and you're not having it ever again. Fuck her. You don't need this shit.

Her text that 'you'll get used to her' - that's not a request, that's an instruction. An order that is to be obeyed. Nope. Nopity nope. She needs to get used to not being an arsehole.

"can you try again so I can have a girl?"
I found that an interesting phrasing. So that SHE can have a girl. This is not her baby, this is YOUR baby.

To be blunt - this woman is a shitty excuse for a human. You don't need her in your life, and you're under no obligation to ever share your time with her. And I'd be beyond furious with your partner if he EVER tries to minimise her shittyness again.

My grandchild was due around now. He or she didn't make it.

Silly bitch. Congratulations on your lovely little boy x

I would tell him to pick a side right now. Don't argue. What she did to your mother is unforgivable.

Either she is CO or he can take the baby to see her on his visitation time.

Oh and FYI they won't separate you until the baby's around a year. And she can fuck off if she thinks she's setting foot in your house.

Wow, I'd be taking a massive step back on having anything to do with her whatsoever

She sounds seriously deranged. The less you have to do with her the better, obviously.

OP this is the last thing you need during your pregnancy.

bottleofbeer

So sorry to hear that.

So sorry @bottleofbeer....very hard.

OP, honestly, why would you want to be involved with such coarse, vulgar people......what hole in the ground did they crawl out of.

Think long and hard about the people you are delivering your precious child into..

@bottleofbeer I'm so sorry for yours and your daughters loss, my deepest condolences and lots of love

Is she unhinged? Screaming at your fiancé about what? I don’t understand families being intertwined like this. Why did she come to your mum’s house? Why does she have your number? Block her! She sounds horrible.

It was my son but thank you. I'd just be happy my grandchild was healthy and doing ok.

Lucky you! Little boys AND girls are lovely. They are who they are. Their sex is so bloody irrelevant.

Stay healthy and Congratulations

Do you know anyone with covid 19? If so, I’d be keen to introduce them to her 😆

Now is not the time to be polite and avoid arguments.

Now is the time to make it clear to your boyfriend that he sides with you or he fucks off back to live with his insane mother.

Him deciding to go low contact with batshit mother and bond with you, that's the win.

Even if he decides he would rather go back to mad mummy, the sooner you know he's that spineless the better. Also a win, a bitter win but long-term a win.

To lose is to try to smooth things over, let boyfriend avoid the difficult decision, let him off the choice-hook. Then your MIL will continue like this for years while you suffer, resentment and anger towards bf grows, you waste years of your life in a state of frustrated anxiety.

It's now kicked off on his sisters half. I'm starting to think I may just cut this family out all together as I've had enough especially after his mother came over to my house where we are grieving and screamed holy hell and now I'm the bad guy for being offended.

I'm meant to be married in 9 weeks but I don't think I shall even bother anymore.

I’d walk away from the lot of them

They’re not good enough for you or your child