MIL gender disappointment

[yeoma95601]

So on Saturday my fiancé and I found out on my late grandfathers birthday that we are having a boy! We're both over the moon and it's made everything so much special, I feel like my son is blessed by my grandfather who was a very special man to me.

We told MIL today we are having a boy, now she's told me from the start she wanted a girl but I thought that regardless she will love the baby. Anyway when we told her, no exaggeration she threw her arms down and said "for fuck sakes I wanted a girl, I don't want a boy" she then said "can you try again so I can have a girl?" She knows I've had MC and this baby took 4 years to have as is.

I now feel like my son won't be loved and won't be special because he's just another grandson, my fiancé does have a niece and I feel like now she will be the golden child and my boy will be left out. Am I being a jerk for being upset and has anyone else been through the same?

Thanks in advance all.

Shit the bed!!!

Please just cut her off now!!

This is what she has since said to me but I just still feel so angry and hurt by it? I know she's apologised but I just feel like she's said it's a 'joke' to excuse it 😔

Tell her you don't appreciate her "sense of humour" and have no intention of getting used to it.

I hate the whole 'you'll get used to me' thing that arseholes do.
Why shouldn't she get used to not being such a tosser and realise what's appropriate or not. But no, it's you that needs to get used to that.

Make sure your partner says something to nip this in the bud. My MIL desperately wanted a grandson. When DD2 was born she said “oh that’s a shame, if you don’t have a third I’ll never get my boy” apart from your son!! She made a few comments like this until BILs wife bore them the longed-for grandson and she said when he was born “this little boy has been sent by God just for me” and my partner told her in no uncertain terms to STFU and never say anything so horrible in front of her granddaughters who were just as special and valid as this worshipped boy.

People are really weird.

You need to start standing up to these fuckwits NOW before it gets even tougher...and yes, your partner is a fuckwit also.

There is NOTHING funny about what she said....and NO, you don't need to 'get used to her' nastiness disguised as 'humour'...and NO, you definitely don't need to see more of her!

Does she think YOUR baby is hers??? Cos it sounds like it.
She also sounds like she will be an overbearing, manipulative piece of shit when the baby gets here - you can bet she's going to demand 'alone time' and overnights asap.

My response would be:
"You call this an apology? Are you for real?!!!! There was NOTHING funny about your behaviour - and anyone who considers nasty, hurtful,, selfish behaviour 'humour' needs to get their head tested! WE shared news of OUR baby - how DARE you make this all about YOU??? I don't give a shiny shit how 'disappointed' you feel, you've had your turn at making babies - and this is MY CHILD and I AM HAPPY. Moving forward, I won't be exposing myself or MY child to nasty, passive aggressive bullshit like this - sort yourself out. This is me being ME by the way - i'm sure you'll get used to my attitude the more you get to know me!"

Then tell your pathetic 'partner' to cut the apron strings and be a man.
How dare he let his mother speak to you like that- and then disregard your feelings AND excuse her awful behaviour!
You need to show him that YOU are a stronger force to be reckoned with than his mother, at the moment he cares about his mothers feelings but doesn't give a shiny shit about yours.

I vividly remember standing talking to an acquaintance while holding my newborn son. She announced loudly "I wanted a grandson but we just got another granddaughter." her daughter, holding said brand new granddaughter, was standing beside her. I didn't know how to react at all, it's vile.

As for "you'll get used to me", presumably if you've been TTC for four years you've spent enough time around her to know how to read her and that she wasn't joking and even IF she was, she should have had long enough to get to know you and know this was a dick move.

Ghastly old bag.

And as for trying to pass it off as a ‘joke’...

Why not tell the old cow you hope she dies of Coronavirus - and when she gets all upset just say, ‘It was only a joke - I can’t think what you’re getting upset about!’
Adding, ‘You’re just too sensitive!’ might go down well, too. 😈

I think it was a pretty nice reply. She's apologised.. just text back 'thank you' and she'll know that it was a serious lack of judgement.

You are not being unreasonable to still be feeling annoyed but I would definitely move on gracefully now that she has clearly made an effort.

Just text her back saying. "I think it would be a lot easier if you got used to my reaction as I will never think that kind of comment funny"

'get used to it'? Maybe she should learn to at least meet you half way and tone it down.

It's not worth causing WW3 but it was pretty mean of her.

"Can you try again" - sounds like this was supposed to be a joke. Obviously she didn't mean it seriously. If course she'll love the baby, don't put this out of proportion.
She's allowed to have preferences, though maybe it wasn't the best time for her to say so. Is DH one of several boys? It could be she's been longing for a girl baby for years. Of course it's not her baby, but it will be related to her. No need for you to make a big deal out of this.
If you are really bothered you could tell her you were upset by her reaction, and you hope it won't change how she reacts with the b aby. Chances are she'll reassure you and it'll all be fine.

I'm finding it really hard to process some of the aggressive responses on here.
OP , there is nothing to be gained from falling out over this. She's apologised. Maybe have a face to face conversation, she won't want to fallout with you.But what more can she do?

I cannot abide idiots who think this particular brand of ‘humour’ is funny, It’s not, What it is, is obnoxious attention seeking. Your MiL is a bit of a twat it would seem.

Tell her “I don’t need to get ‘use’ to it. You need to not be so bloody offensive”

Did you actually standby while this woman acted like an obnoxious cunt about your baby? I'd have told her to fuck off and get a grip.

@DelphiniumBlue well this isn't the first time she's made comments that are hurtful..

When I had a viability scan she came with me, at this point I hadn't told her about mcs as let's be honest, wasn't her business because it wasn't her sons child I had lost as this was my exes, the nurse at the appointment accidentally mentioned the mcs in front of her even though I had asked for it to NOT be mentioned at all in front of her before I had gone. After we finished the appointment she turned to me and said "why didn't you tell me about the miscarriage, it's none of my business if you got pregnant and slept around".

That is exactly the reason I am pissed off because this wasn't a one off passing comment, she KNEW I had losses in the pay so wasn't oblivious and KNEW I had issues even conceiving in the first place..

Why did you take her to your scan? She isn't a nice person and her idea of a 'joke' sounds like is at others expense. I would be telling her that in response to her text.

“I’m really sorry IF I upset you” is not exactly a robust apology is it.

However I also agree with a few PPs that you will have this woman in your life from now on and she has (in a way) apologised. Maybe give it a few days to get your head around it and see how you feel then.

OMG I just cross posted with you OP and missed your latest update.

I take back what I said about seeing how you feel in a few days. What. A. Cunt.

Imo lesson learned.
Her lesson.
Now she won't get to be as involved as she may have liked.

Stuff her op.
Being a dgm isn't a right...

why didn't you tell me about the miscarriage, it's none of my business if you got pregnant and slept around

This is enough for NC

So if you sleep around you get a miscarriage? Wtf.

This mouldy old cabbage does not add value to your life.

My reply would be

Thank you for your text but I seem to be missing the joke. After a miscarriage and 4 years of trying for this baby, we have been lucky enough to be bless with this child.
We where so excited to tell you we were having a healthy son. Instead of embracing this lovely news you made a 'joke' of wanting a girl. Could you please explain how that is this funny?

If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there’d be no work for idle hands

"You may eventually get used to my sense of humour too!"

Thats what my BIL always says (well the un PC version anyway).