Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

I thought everyone said thank you to the person who cooked a meal for them? Or in a restaurant, to the person bringing you the food? Is just natural. I always thank DH if he’s made the meal. DD does too but obviously she has just learned this is what we do and copied. We’ve never “made” her. She’s not quite 3.

There must be thousands of users who have more similar usernames than you and I @MrsBeeluga

I was madambee,when poster miss the lacking e, I get your notifications, hence why I politely asked if you could add a little extra.

I thank anyone who makes me a meal, anywhere. It’s just absolute basic manners.

I always think it’s slightly odd when people don’t bother with life’s little politenesses towards the people they’re supposed to love and respect the most, especially if they do towards others outside their family, but each to their own.

Does your husband thank you for cooking?

My husband usually cooks and I always thank him. Our 2 yr old thanks whoever cooks too, she obviously hears us saying it and rightfully thinks it's normal to say thank you.

It's important that everyone does jobs at home that benefit everyone. Also very important to appreciate each other's efforts.

Let them shop, cook, and clean up and they might understand then what they are thanking you for. Whatever about forgetting to, but to deliberately refuse to

I expect a thank you from my partner for cooking him a meal, and I always say thank you if he cooks. Same as any other job that could be done by either one of us, for example if he washes up I say thank you and if I sweep I expect a thank you. Yes they're things that need to be done, but if one didn't do it the other would have to say it's thanking each other for sharing the workload within the home. My children will be taught to do the same. Manners cost nothing, and if I expect my children to say thank you to somebody in a restaurant for their food why wouldn't they do the same at home.

OP, I think they are trying to get a rise out of you, which is poor behaviour on their part.

Personally, DP and I do thank whoever's cooked & dished up, even if it just the two of us . We are a team at the end of the day, every members contribution should be appreciated. cheesy I know......

Or I can send my dn3 over, she has lovely manners without being prompted

My family and extended family always thank the cook, usually as dinner is served. We also usually complement something about the meal. I didn't realise that there are people that don't do this.

I would get them to cook a meal each time they come stay. Thank them and complement the meal, to lead by example.

@MrsBeeluga fwiw I think it was pretty clear what you meant. I'm a bit at OPs response

My kids take their plates to dishwasher when finished and always say ‘thanks for dinner mum’

“ I haven't ever expected my children to thank me for the act of keeping them alive via feeding them. It's a nice perk if they do”

I always thanked my mam or dad or older brother when they cooked my tea, it’s called good manners. Don’t judge others by your own low standards

I would always say thank you to my mum or dad after I’d finished a meal. I just thought that was the norm if they had cooked it for me

Thank you @dimdarkashian, I really don't like this.

Meh they're being rude. If they're smirking they're trying to wind you up. So don't be wound up. No bed making as PP said, no cooking, nothing that you're not already doing with your husband anyway.

I have no idea why I am being asked to change my username btw...

I always say thank you if someone has cooked for me, home or away and equally I have always been thanked for every meal I've cooked not so much by my toddler but I let that slide. I thought that was normal and just general politeness

Ermyeahno That is uncalled for.

I agree OP- we are a family who says thank you whenever we do something for each other: my DS 15 made me lunch, of course I say thank you; my OH, their step dad, or I make dinner they all say thank you (and give marks out of 10!). It's polite and normal.

Tbh I think this is just a case of you having different expectations to what they are used to and they probably find it weird. As a kid I never said thanks to my mum for cooking my dinner (right or wrong I just expected she would). I only ever did as a child when she would make my favourite or something was even more amazing than usual and then I would tell her how much I had enjoyed the meal. When I married dh it was a shock to me that he would thank his mum for making dinner every time and she would always ask if I enjoyed it. I would always so yes to avoid hurting her feelings but to be honest I didn't and still don't understand the constant need for validation. Surely if you go in for seconds you have enjoyed the meal? If I go to dinner at someone's home I will always thank them for having us over and show them that I have appreciated all the effort they have gone to as I feel that is polite.

I always thank my mum for my dinner when I go around now as I live quite a distance away and she always makes my favourite dishes and make sure to tell her I have enjoyed it. She always says that I don't need to thank her for feeding me and that she knows when I have enjoyed my dinner.

Maybe pick your battles and let it go.

My eldest son has always said thank you for every meal I’ve cooked, even if it was one of his least favourite. My other two sons have eaten it. My not so DSD,
“ What the fuck is this shit? You can fuck right off, I’m not eating it!”
Sigh!

Roll on 15 years and there will be threads from women on here complaining that their partners take them for granted, are rude and don't help around the house. Of course instilling basic manners and helpfulness should be normal from a young age.

She is 11.

My children dont say thank you when I cook for them because its normal that I cook every day.
I take my 13 year old up a bowl of snacks to put on his desk (because he only has a cheese sandwich at school so it's the best way to get him to eat fruit etc). He will say thank you if I do that.
A bowl of lasagne on the table he would just sit down and eat. He wouldnt say thank you.
If I went to someone else's house and they cooked I would say thank you.
So I dont think it's the norm for your step daughters to say thanks unless you are doing something out of the ordinary. So cooking them a spag bol - no. Going out at 2am to get them ice cream if they had a sore throat - yes.

The smirking is rude and their dad should address it. You do not deserve to be disrespected in your own home.