Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

I'm a step child. I always thanked my step mum for dinner (still do). And often went and did the washing up. I'm mid thirties but she's been around since I was 10 or so.

I'm with you, OP. We were raised to say thank you after a meal we didn't prepare, be it my mum or someone else in the family or at friends' houses. I still do it as an adult. To me, too, it is basic manners.

The bloke’s the cook in this house. I thank him after each and every meal. It’s just bloody rude not to, especially when everyone else has.

We do. I thank DP when he’s made a meal for us as do DC and they thank me when I’ve cooked for them too.

Even if I buy a takeaway they thank me.

It just shows appreciation and acknowledges the person has put time and effort in to feeding everyone.

Everyone thanks whoever has cooked in our house. If they’re sitting and smirking when others are saying thanks, it sounds like they’re uncomfortable because it’s not their norm. Do you thank them when they make you a drink, or do a job for you?

@MadameBee
If I go to someone’s house for dinner I say thank you, I always thank whoever has cooked me a meal.

There lies your problem. You view the house as yours and not their home. It should be their home as well.
As an aside, DS occasionally will say thank you after a meal. It’s not an expectation at all that he says thank you for being fed.

DH and DC always thank me at the end of a meal. No bowing and scraping. Just a quick thank you and done. Definitely a basic common courtesy

They are enjoying the reaction I think!

If they are smirking at each other it is probably a deliberate attempt to wind you up. At the end of every meal going forward, I'd just say 'before we leave the table, I'd like to say thank you......to the girls who will be doing the washing/drying up'. Then get up and leave the table.

If it’s really annoying you, clearly it is, then stop cooking for them.

DD is 5yrs old (ASD to boot) and says thank you after dinner and breakfast. If someone elses cooks for her or we're out as soon as the plates down or taken away she says thank you. Just good manners if you ask me 🤷🏾‍♀️ DSD's need to fix up.

Do you thank them when they make you a drink, or do a job for you

They load the dishwasher (the only job that is asked of them) and yes of course I do.

I expect my 8 and 10 year old to say thanks for dinner mum as they come to the table, even if its freezer stuff like fish fingers and waffles. In the morning I'll hand them a plate or bowl and fractionally delay letting go until they acknowledge they had something done for them. Its not bowing and scraping its simple gratitude and good manners and I will continue to drill it into them until it becomes a reflex habit as it should be. OP, I'd address this at a separate time then when it's actually happening.. Get your dh to sit them down and explain that their attitude is off. They are old enough to cook for themselves so if they continue to be rude, they will fend for themselves.

I thank my partner after eating a meal he's cooked and vice versa. It's manners, it's two short words that mean something, it's not a speech.

@madambee, I'm another who used to thank my mum for making dinner (a lot better a cook than I ever would be)

I also thank DH as he does the lions' share of the cooking ....and I really, really appreciate all his efforts.

You could just feed yourself, though. I don't think calling them knobs is necessary is it?

FWIW my dc thank me. The odd time i have to remind the teenager.

Your language might be a bit telling here...

Meh, I couldn’t get worked up about this. I guess if you were raised in a family where ‘thank you’ after every meal is normal, and if you’ve raised your own children that way, it seems rude not to - but it’s really not universal. I expect my children to thank the cook for a meal when they’re at someone else’s house, and now I’m an adult I thank my mum when I go for a meal at hers, but I don’t expect my children to thank me for the basic act of making the evening meal. Sometimes they spontaneously thank me (generally if it’s something particularly based on their favourites, or maybe if I’ve passed them the plate or something since ‘thank you’ when handed something is a basic manners thing we do here (prob more universal but maybe not?)) but >90% of the time they don’t and that feels normal.

I would guess they smirk instead of joining in the thanks because they think it’s really fucking weird to thank a parent for providing a meal?

Oh the basis they're sat there smirking, then it's a deliberate wind up on their part. You need to discuss with their father how best to proceed when they're not about and implement when they're there. I think he should have your back on this and support you fully. Your (plural) house - your rules. They are just being horrible little brats. They are old enough to know exactly what they're doing.

I don't expect my children to thank me for cooking them a meal. It's my job to feed them. Your home is their home, your not hosting them like you would friends!

And calling children knobs is a disgrace. Maybe you just can't cook 🤔

They're being rude. Being teenagers is no excuse. I agree with PPs that the smirking suggests they're doing it on purpose. Their dad should tell them to start showing some manners or next time they will have to cook for themselves.

Sorry, I wasn’t criticising you, I was just wondering whether thanks were generally the norm in your house. They seem to be uncomfortable with it.

A thank you that's said for no reason other than routine, is worthless.

I taught my kids to be polite, but it didn't occur to me to tell them to thank me for every meal, any more than I expected them to thank me for doing the washing.

When they appreciated a meal and said "yum, that was delicious, thanks mum!"'(or dad) it meant something.

One of my friends trained her kids to say "thank you mum for the lovely food, can I please leave the table" at the end of every meal. They said it like robots. It meant nothing.

I suspect this will go the way of your other many threads about your step daughters and won’t make you feel any better.