Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

... I don’t thank the 8yo for doing the dishwasher either, actually. If he does something extra I thank him, but for the everyday basics I just go with ‘of course we all pull our weight and of course the parent does the most’. For me, within the immediate family unit, I don’t think appreciation needs to be demonstrated every single routine occasion.

It sounds like they're trying to wind you up in a way they've clocked annoys you. You CAN choose to die on this hill or, shrug it off or side step the issue. It's quite interesting that you say you would thanks someone if you had a meal at "their" house. Is this your house? Not your partners? Do they not have space of theirs in this house?

We always thank each other, whoever cooks the evening meal. It shows appreciation and sets a good example to the kids. Our kids 7 & 3 do actually thank us without being prompted.... but only when they like the meal that is!

I don’t actually ever call them knobs - I just said it on MN

I have always always always had a meal ready for them when they have arrived, get in from work and rushed about cooking after planning what we are going to eat while OH does the 5 hour round trip to get them.

I don’t want a medal I just want a “thank you”.

I want manners.

Not just step kids, most teens. Doesn’t stress it. I never thanked my mother for my meals. My 16yr old son always says thank you when I place his food down. He’s a polite young man - my daughter on the other hand

Why would they need to thank you after every meal??? That's weird. I don't expect my children to thank me after a meal. That's absurd. Obviously to outsiders I would expect them to say thank you. My children say please and thank you to me if they ask for something, but certainly after a meal I wouldn't expect it.

I get why they smirking, they having a laugh knowing full well you'll have a lil tantrum
About them not saying thank you.

Maybe when they’re with their mum no one prompted or modelled thank you - we generally learn to thank the cook by hearing the other parent do it after a meal.

So to them it feels odd as they don’t do it in their home with their mum.

This is their dad’s job now. You could go on strike but better to just continue having them hear others say thank you in front of them. Eventually they may grow up enough to see it.

Do they ever cook for you? They should be taking a turn at that age.

Rude. Personally l wouldn’t bother making dinner, well not for anybody but me anyway

if everyone has said it just say it.

And no I don’t have a “tantrum”.

Yes this is as much their home as their own home, they have bedrooms here.

I was using”someone’s house” as an example.

My kids always said/say thank you.

My 5 year old clears his plate into the kitchen where I'm usually washing up and always, always says thank you for dinner before grabbing some desert .. if a 5 year old can manage it these two can!!

I'd say they're doing it deliberately because it obviously upsets you.

Don't give it another thought, if that's the attitude they want to go through life with it's your husbands and his ex wife's issue not yours! X

Oh @MadameBee you took my username a little while ago . One letter difference. I have namechanged, but now I get your notifications, could you add something to make it a little different .

Please

My DDs are 21 and 23 and they always say thank you for any meal I cook, if we have a takeaway or go out for a meal. Same if we eat at family.
Unprompted since very small even through the worst of their teen years.
Always have.
Always will.
It's just basic manners.

Just realised I searched the wrong username!

My family - growing up and now with DP and child - say thank you for meals, cups of tea, chores, etc. But I get not everyone does. I'd honestly stop making it such a battle. Is it really going to matter in the long run? They'll grow up, stop being mardy teenagers eventually, and this will all be such a minor nothing.

A thank you that's said for no reason other than routine, is worthless.

This - it just becomes meaningless.

Also, everyone does some type of work for someone else, it would be totally ridiculous if they were all thanked for every single thing they did - why is cooking a meal any different?

I prefer people to say please and thank you, but if it's not expected of them in their full-time home, I doubt they would see it as important. They were probably smirking because they think you are making a big deal over nothing. They're not your children and it's not up to you to 'correct' them.

It's just common courtesy to thank the cook! My DC always did when they were at home and my DH of 33 years always does. It shows they don't take your efforts for granted. DH makes me a cup of tea every morning - I always thank him. It costs nothing does it?

I agree with you - they should say thank you. It's just good manners and common decency.

What happens if your husband talks to them about this privately?

Do they say thank you if you buy them a Christmas present?

I expected both my stepchildren to be polite, it’s not a case of just being a teenager, they know it’s winding you up, so will continue to do it.

I don’t expect my kids to thank me at the end of every meal so you're raising your kids to be rude! I say thank you to anyone for providing me with a meal be it my partner, mum, dad, sister, friend. It is the most basic of manners and if you can't teach your kids that you're failing them.

Never said thanks for a meal from my mum until I moved out. Chill.

It's not so much the problem that they don't say thank you even though that's rude in itself. It's the fact that they know they're supposed to, but don't, hence the smirking. It's that that would get on my nerves, rather than forgetfulness.

Of course it's nice to say thank you. Not for the food for your family, but for the effort that someone has put in for me.

@ohcaptain, oh dear