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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just say THANK YOU ffs

448 replies

MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:03

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

OP posts:
Fizzypoo · 14/03/2020 19:42

My teen and almost teen always say thank you for their evening meal.

tinybluerose · 14/03/2020 19:42

Why on earth would children thank-you for their meal? Beyond bizarre- it is their home.

Cinammoncake · 14/03/2020 19:43

OTT to expect them to thank you after every meal. This is not normal for most people. YABU

HollowTalk · 14/03/2020 19:43

Do your children not say thank you when someone cooks them a meal, @tinybluerose?

lazylinguist · 14/03/2020 19:44

so you're raising your kids to be rude!

What utter nonsense. Different from your ways doesn't equal rude. My dc are polite kids. If they were at a friend's house for dinner, they'd say thank you. If any if us do something kind for each other, we say thank you. In a close family relationship you don't necessarily have to say thank you for every single daily thing. It potentially becomes meaninglessly repetitive and formal.

Original poster
MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:44

I can’t believe that people think it’s “bizarre” to thank a family member for cooking for them.

OP posts:
WaterOffADucksCrack · 14/03/2020 19:44

I could just make myself some cheese on toast and fuck everyone else Please do. After all They're not your children and it's not up to you to 'correct' them. so it isn't your job to cook for them. Their dad can do it. I'd be horrified if my son didn't thank his step mum for a meal she cooked. But then I'm not a bitter ex like many here Wink

wildcherries · 14/03/2020 19:44

This thread is such an eyeopener. I thought saying thank you was the norm.

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 19:45

Both DP (19 years together) who doesn't cook due to disability and 15yo DS say thank you to me EVERY meal I make. They are very very appreciative of the effort I go to to give us all a nice meal. On the odd occasion DS cooks or the two of them cook ( my birthday and mothers day) I am very thankful to them. Lack of appreciation and taking people for granted is not a nice quality to have. Also seems like they are doing it on purpose to get a rise not at anytime but at 15 and 13 they should know better. Wasn't it only a few weeks ago we were all doing #bekind and surely this starts within our own homes

lottie360 · 14/03/2020 19:46

People dont make their children say Thankyou?

Wow.

I am shocked by this. My kids were taught yo say thankyou as soon as they could talk.

dimdarkashian · 14/03/2020 19:47

My 3 year old says thank you...isn't that just a natural polite reaction when someone gives you something?

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/03/2020 19:47

My 4 year old says thank you for each meal, even coco pops. I've always said thanks to whoever has made my food. Wouldn't occur to me not to.

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 19:47

not nice at anytime

Original poster
MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:48

@ MrsBeeluga

It’s not actually bothering me.

If it’s bothering you I suggest you change your username 👍🏻

OP posts:
ErmYeahNo · 14/03/2020 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 14/03/2020 19:49

The truth is, OP, they are ignorant. Manners are incredibly important; they oil the wheels of social interaction. If, as a child, you are not taught that manners are important and that you should say thank you for all things done for you (regardless how does them) then you are disadvantaged as an adult.

In your shoes I would just not make the effort. Let them throw a frozen pizza into the oven when they arrive. They can make themselves a drink and actually I wouldn’t be making their beds up for them (if you do). I’d leave clean bed-linen out but they could put their bedding on. Until they can treat you with basic courtesy they deserve the very least effort from you.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 14/03/2020 19:50

@lazylinguist we're the most informal family you can get. We just appreciate each other.

MrsBeeluga · 14/03/2020 19:51

@MadameBee

Christ, you talk about being polite. I have namechanged as you can see, and yes it is bothering me that I get your notifications. Speaking of double standards.

Original poster
MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:51

Wow your a cow Yabu

It’s you’re.

I am a cow for wanting a thank you for cooking a meal.

Ok. Shock

OP posts:
TulipsTulipsTulips · 14/03/2020 19:52

I was raised to say thank you for my meals, and I’m teaching my children the same. It’s good manners xx

pallisers · 14/03/2020 19:53

someone is a cow because they expect a thank you for cooking dinner?

Seriously?

I thanked my mother after every dinner. If dh cooks I thank him. If he collects a takeaway I thank him for that. I taught my children to say thank you and excuse me at the end of every meal.

Manners cost nothing and make life nicer all around. I hate the idea that you should treat the people you live with worse than anyone else.

Original poster
MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:53

Christ, you talk about being polite. I have namechanged as you can see, and yes it is bothering me that I get your notifications. Speaking of double standards

Wtaf? How are you getting my notifications? Surely it’s MNHQ you need to be speaking to not me?

This is my fault how?

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/03/2020 19:53

But then I'm not a bitter ex like many here

Because you're 100% certain the only people disagreeing with you are bitter ExW's? Laughable and ridiculous; I'm neither yet still manage to disagree with you.

When my DC say "thanks Mum" it's because they want to and they mean it. Teaching them to say "thanks for the food" by rote every time they're fed means nothing. OP, maybe disengaging a little bit is what you need; let your DH cook for them or take them out for food on his way home from fetching them rather than coming home to you. Go out and see friends and family and let them all fend for themselves. It's not vital for you to have to cook for them if you're not enjoying it. Step Parenting is a tough job, I'm sure, and if this bothers you, fix it so that you don't resent them; your feelings and needs are important here too.

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 19:54

Again so many wander around wondering why tweens and teens have no manners yet parents don't seem to install these at the crucial time of young childhood. And yes I will get on my high horse about this because I have witnessed this with so many of my DS' friends. Those of us that have installed manners and boundaries are now reaping the rewards with less angst(still some) while I see those parents at the other end of "they are just kids" and "let children be free" in behaviour are now having major issues.

slipperywhensparticus · 14/03/2020 19:54

My kids always say thank you 🤷‍♀️

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