Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

OP
Do you thank them ?😊

Jeepers would you give over with your generalising, ffs!

Us Irish mean it. Us Irish are so laid back. Us Irish say sláinte instead thanks (and I can guarantee that’s a load of shite.)

Just stop. You’re making a holy show of us.

I always thank my DH for my dinner when he cooks. And he always thanks me. Not a big deal just a 'thanks for doing dinner .'
It acknowledges the effort that someone else has gone to and considered you and it's manners. This wouldn't annoy me as a one off, I probably wouldn't notice. But consistently not being thanked would piss me off.

My eldest son has always said thank you for every meal I’ve cooked, even if it was one of his least favourite. My other two sons have eaten it. My not so DSD,
“ What the fuck is this shit? You can fuck right off, I’m not eating it!”
Sigh!
Wow, Iwant2move I can't believe your DH / DP allows his 11 year old daughter to speak to any adult like that, let alone his wife / partner. And I'm also amazed no one else on this thread has commented on it.

I am amazed.
I never expect my children to thank me for cooking - though actually I would thank my daughter when she cooks.We are not constantly thanking each other for cleaning the toilets,putting out the bins,hoovering,shopping - I don't thank DH everyday for going out to work and he doesn't thank me either.I do thank the DC for doing some stuff - if I've asked DS to hoover I'll thank him afterwards.
Your SDC are probably smirking because they are embarrassed by an expectation that they don't understand and which isn't normal for them,which a fuss is being made about.Surely as a host it's impolite to make the people you are feeding feel embarrassed and awkward?That's not good manners at all.
And cooking isn't "a caring act of love" - at least not for me - it's a chore,on a level with all the other chores involved in running a home.I expect to be appreciated for that and to appreciate what others do,just not by a rote response every single flipping time.

But if you'd say "Thanks" to a waitress, you should say "Thanks" to your step mother, who's made you a meal, not just put it on the table.

Surely as a host it's impolite to make the people you are feeding feel embarrassed and awkward?That's not good manners at all. But so many people have pointed out the SC are not guests so OP therefore is not a host.

Please and thank you are basic manners.
I'm with you on this one, YANBU.

I always thank whoever cooks!

I thought everyone did

Lots of posters here who don’t teach manners to their children. It disadvantages them as adults.

And JeepersC stop with the racist bullshit; you’re just pissed off that so many posters disagree with you. I’m Irish and I thank anyone who presents me with a meal, as do DC.

Op I think you or your DH need to call out the DSC - ask them why they’re smirking and why they never say thank you. I’d also suggest that the kids take turns with the cooking.

I don't let the plate go until I've had a thank you. Not that I have to do that at all any more. Thank you is the most common word said in our house and everyone genuinely means it. Doesn't matter if it's me making dinner or DD handing DS his shoe.

Don't stand for bad manners. Keep at it.

@OchAyeThaNoo Do they genuinely mean it though? You said yourself you don't let the plate go until they say thank you. Sounds forced to me.

@saraclara That's the gist of my comment. You're pretty much agreeing with me.

Lol at everyone thinking this is anything to do with saying thank you.

huuuge history here.

huuuge history here.

omg you know the OP and her family. In awe that you have identified the OP and the huuuge history from what she posted.

I don’t know them. I know what OP has posted in the past. She posts every two weeks about them.

I always say thank you, it was how I was brought up, and it's genuine. I am thankful when someone cooks me dinner, whether it's a parent or partner or friend.

We have people over to dinner reasonably often, and it's always noticeable the people who were raised with manners and those who weren't. The people who say thanks when you put the food in front of them also tend to use cutlery properly, take a considerate amount of food from a shared dish, not eat with their mouths open. The ones who don't often don't. And the latter don't get invited back.

My DSS's 14 & 16 always thank me and give me a kiss on the cheek after meals. They've never been told to but always have (11 years) . it makes me feel appreciated and glad i put the time & effort into cooking for them. Because they've always done it I've never thought about how it would feel if they didn't until tonight & yes i suppose I'd see it as rude and hurtful

I can't even recall if my son says thanks for food. I think he probably does when I hand him the plate. Food is his right, it's not a privilege. He says thank you for plenty of things, and in general has nice manners.

Your responses in regards to your username are anything but polite or nice.

And this
*
In the morning I'll hand them a plate or bowl and fractionally delay letting go until they acknowledge they had something done for them*

Fun house that one.

@JeepersC I presume you are just trying to get a bite. There is a rational discussion to have about the cultural differences between British and Irish in how they say thank you and please. Definitely Irish adults and children say please and thank you less both inside the home and outside. For someone who was brought up acknowledging someone else's actions with thanks and using please when asking, and brought up children the same, even family, the lack of the use sounds abrupt and rude to me. This is especially in the workplace where it definitely influences how I view certain colleagues and what opportunities I would give them.

I grew up saying thank you to whomever cooked for me (usually my mum or my gran). I think I learned to do that because my parents modeled good manners for me. Mum/Gran thanked each other depending on who cooked and so did my Dad.

Now I say thank you to DH if he cooks or him to me if I cook.

DSC, on the other hand...we often take them out for dinner and only 1/3 will say thank you. Sadly, (or perhaps it is a good thing) I think they are only like this with both of their parents and with me.

I posted way upthread about it being something I instill in my two tweens. There's a difference between a reflex and a robotic or forced response. I don't mind that they barely, fleetingly think of it, but I wont be taken for granted. I'm a single, working mum so I have to do everything bar the small chores they are learning to do and for which Indo thank them. It's not formal or tedious or regimented, just pleasant appreciation.

Thank you for every meal is debatable, but there is nothing worse than have to say thank you just because it's expected. Being grateful is much more about the wider feelings towards that person than a polite thank you after a meal that might not be meant at all.

I don't check whether my DS says thank you for every meal I cook. I think he does sometimes and maybe not others, but he will show me his appreciation in other ways which mean a lot more to me.

People who play the martyr are hard going and usually bring that feeling that the last thing you want to do is thank them because it just reinforces that attitude.

The best thing to do if you really want to tackle it is to tell them that they will have to cook themselves one evening. Teach them first if needed, and then let them get on with it. Thank them after they have done so. They will be much more likely to thank you when you do cook for them.

There is nothing worse than having to say thank you just because its expected Wow