Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

@JeepersC do you ever worry that you’re raising kids who are going to turn into the kind of cheeky ingrates people are always complaining about on mumsnet?

I can't believe how many people think OP is unreasonable for this and calling it robotic or hollow to thank people.

It shouldn't matter who they are, or their age. If someone has gone to the effort of preparing a meal for you surely they should be thanked. And they certainly shouldn't be sat smirking.

I thank my husband every single time he cooks for me, and you know why? Because I'm thankful.

My children have always said thank you.. Its just mannsrs

How horrible to have to thank your Dad's girlfriend for feeding you

She’s his wife.

Wouldn't you prefer a genuine thank you for a lovely meal every now and then rather than forced meaningless repetitive 'manners'

Sorry, I have no idea what YABU or YANU means!

But, I would say that there is no excuse for bad manners. My OH always thanks me for cooking a 'proper' meal, taking nearly a whole hour standing at the sink peeling veg and potatoes, preparing meat and making gravy (old school, me). And what's wrong with saying thank you for someone doing your washing?????? It's a basic thing, that when another person does something for you, you say thank you. Like when we teach kids to do that when they're 2 - nothing changes.

Exactly Restore - I can't imagine sitting down to a table, being handed a plate of food that someone has made for me and not saying thanks? The mind boggles.

I love them very much.

I am there for them always.

I think it's nice if you do get a thanks but it's a bit unrealistic to expect a child to thank it's parents for feeding them. I mean, you HAVE to feed them, don't you?

Well just cook their dinners and stop looking for thanks. Either do it with good grace or don't bother.

I mean, you HAVE to feed them, don't you?

I've wondered sometimes. Little shites. If I could starve her as punishment I would. Sort of comes with the territory though.

Do they thank their Dad for going to work to earn the money for the food?
Let it go and they may just do it off their own bat.

My husband always thanked his mother and grandmother when they cooked for him. When I cook, he thanks me and kisses my hand.

I never expected my children to thank me for preparing meals, but now that they’re grown, they do (only one lives at home full time).

I'd prefer my children to grow up knowing basic manners that you thank someone when they give you a meal and not just thank you when that meal reaches what you decide is the standard of "lovely". The point is you explain to your children that someone providing you a service deserves a genuine thank you. Someone you ask to do something deserves a genuine please. It should be genuine if they are taught right.

I'm shocked at how many people on this thread seem to feel no responsibility whatsoverer to teach their children the basics of please and thank you and excuse me and how to live in society. It does explain a lot though.

I get a quick "thanks Mum" whenever I cook something for my children who are teens/young adults.

I always thank anyone who (rarely) cooks for me.

If you're consternated about moi, please don't be. Me and dd just don't go around the gaff thanking each other. Not a lack of manners. We're just not false cunts.

My DP says 'thank you' after a shag..........

It’s common courtesy, my children always thank whoever has cooked. It’s a good habit to instil appreciation

Watching MN threads where step-children are concerned is really interesting. I don't have a horse in this race and i don't have any step-children and aren't likely to so i watch and learn.

"interloper" really? this is their own dad's wife. When i see other step-parent threads it's clear that the Step-parent is never ever allowed to discipline or shouldn't ever want to be involved in the SCs lives. But they are expected to feed them, have them in their (and yes, also the SCs) home and so on. But why would the expectation then be that the SM has to feed their husband's children? Should they just not bother? or refuse?

If the generally accepted protocol is that they're not to have input into these children's lives, why should they feed them unthanked? I get that if you marry someone with children they come as a package, but when does it get to switch from polite conversation and arm's length to being part of a family with all that entails?

if you think people who thank each other are "false cunts" you probably do have a lack of manners tbh.

My DC always say Thankyou! Every time. It's normal manners surely. As I say thank you when they cook or DH cooks.

I absolutely agree, it’s setting their standards for the future.

Not a lack of manners. We're just not false cunts

Are you also the sort of person who says things like ‘I call a spade a spade’ as an excuse for being unutterably foul to others?

Former asshole teen here: I never would’ve thanked my parent for cooking for me - as far as I was concerned it was their fault I was here , I didn’t have the means or the money to come up with my own meal so the idea of thanking them for something I had no choice in would have resulted in a bunch of smirking from me too.
So with you being a step parent , even though you’ve been there a long time my attitude would’ve been “yeah well it’s not my problem you got me my dad”
Is it a shitty attitude? Oh of course. But sometimes teenagers are like toddlers - they have no control over anything, get told what to do all the time and have all these big changing emotions to deal with.
Then sometimes something as small as being told to say thank you for dinner becomes a huge battle .
My mother was a total martyr (in my teenage eyes , as an adult I can see her POV) - being expected to think my SM was a saint because she cooks dinner would have sent me over the edge

• not saying you think you’re a saint , just trying to explain how teens think , it’s usually about control

I always thanked my mam or my dad after every meal! It was how we were brought up!