Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

[MugofHotToddy]

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

YANBU young children don’t mind where they are as long as it’s fun. You and your DH need to spend time together doing things you enjoy. We have holidayed all over the UK since having children and discovered some wonderful places. Typical mn #makingmemories you’re making memories all the time no matter where you are!

To be honest I find it really odd that you don’t want to take your children abroad with you.

I have extremely fond memories of holidays in Europe when I was under ten. My parents took me to Spain when I was four on my first holiday and I remember really enjoying it.

Your children probably say they don’t want to go because they don’t know what they are missing. Personally I would want my children to experience different countries and cultures from as young an age as possible if I could afford to do it!

Personally I wouldn't want to go on holiday without my child, can't afford to go on holiday every year anyway but aiming to try to do 1 year abroad, 1 year UK holiday, 1 year stay home with lots of day trips. They certainly will feel it's unfair they get a week in the UK whilst you get multiple abroad trips per year once they are a little older. My parents took us on yearly holidays abroad when we were primary school age and didn't take us on holiday at all once we were secondary school age due to costs, we stayed home with grandparents, they still went away 2 weeks at a time twice a year though. I felt it was unfair and thought they could sacrifice one of their 2 week long bi annual holidays and take us as a family on a week long trip every few years and actually spend some time with us instead of dumping us on our grandparents

We have three children (eldest now 12) and have been fortunate enough to travel extensively with them all over the world (as well as in the UK), and without ever once having done a 'beach' holiday or stayed in a resort. Our family adventures are joyful times for me and when they are grown up I'm sure without a doubt will be some of my happiest memories - and hopefully theirs, too.

I think what is sad about what you are proposing is the attitude behind it, rather than the actual geography. My parents had very little money but prioritised travel (UK, and later Europe). We never did 'conventional' holidays though and always got off the beaten track. I think it is doing your kids a disservice to assume they won't appreciate this.

It’s not the fact that you’re not taking the kids abroad, I never went abroad as a child, it’s the fact you’re going abroad and not taking the kids regularly.

As a child I would’ve hated this and I wouldn’t have understood why I wasn’t worth spending the money on to go abroad when you were taking yourselves. I think when you have kids you have to change your holidays to family friendly ones, kids aren’t an optional extra.

YABU. I could understand doing a bit of both, a family holiday somewhere interesting and an adult weekend somewhere for some alone time, but never to take the kids, when you always go?! Seems like such a missed opportunity for family time that is so different to when you’re at home!
I could also understand if the kids were younger. I think we holidayed in the UK for the first couple of years of each of my children’s lives, much easier. But very soon I wanted to take them on adventures! We also still do trips in UK to lodges, visiting family, weekend in Edinburgh. But I wouldn’t miss that abroad family holiday for the world!!

When my kids were the same age as yours we took them to Australia via Singapore. We didn’t have a particularly child-friendly itinerary but I made sure we always had a pool and we took lots of card games and that sort of thing. It was the best family bonding time we’ve ever had, and you just can’t beat experiencing that together - seeing what to them were mind-blowing things, trying new foods, chatting with taxi drivers, navigating subways, seeing totally different animals, scenery, hearing different languages and accents. We’ll remember it forever.

We don’t usually do anything half so big budget (this was a special occasion trip) but we always have an adventure. Weekend in Madrid, week in Germany, few days in Italy, any of those things you’ll make amazing memories.

YANBU at all .. I'm in my 50s .. my parents couldn't afford big holidays when my sister and I were little ... but we were excited about a week in Wales in my Uncles caravan by the beach !! I think people have set themselves ridiculous expectations now .... me and DH took my DS twice on hot holidays in the last couple of years and he sat inside loads messing about on his phone !! A lot of people I work with seem to continue funding family holidays abroad for their 20 something kids who work full time .... I find that weird .. you go on a nice UK break ... enjoy your ice creams and sand castles guilt free !!

Are you going away for a few nights or a week or two each time? Dh and I go on at least 2 city breaks a year without dc, wouldn't call it a holiday though, it's a weekend break. We also holiday both in uk and abroad with dc. Uk holidays can be fab but we like beaches and swimming pools and sun, and that is never guaranteed in the uk so we go abroad to get that.

YANBU to take short citybreaks while they have a fab time with their grandparents.

However, other than "under 10" I haven't spotted their ages. With toddlers, citybreaks are a PITA. By 6 or 7 they get so much out of exploring new places and trying new things. My kids really enjoyed the cities we took them to.

By 8-10 I think YABU to leave them twice a year when there's so much stuff they could experience thaty they'd love. Paris Plage is fantastic for kids, for example, and both Bruges and Brussels are great too. Rome's filled with cool stuff that would interest most kids, I think.

So once a year break for the pair of you would seem a reasonable compromise and and taking your kids abroad one holiday as well. (Note - Centreparcs in Europe is usually far cheaper than in the UK. Beaches aren't the only thing)

I wouldn't dream of doing this, for a few reasons:

I want to spend as much quality time as possible with my kids while I can. I really enjoy their company and I can't imagine wanting to go away without them.

It would feel incredibly unfair to have such an established two tier system (and I say that as someone who actually prefers camping holidays in Devon to hotels in Spain or wherever).

I want my kids to have lots of different experiences of life and be exposed to different places and cultures so I would love to take them with me to these different places.

That said, we obviously have very different feelings on the matter which is fine, we aren't all the same. But I would be surprised if someone told me this and that would probably show in my reaction (if I didn't have time to mentally reflect and formulate a more balanced response).

It's all very well saying your children can go abroad when they are adults but what if they cant afford it. They probably will be annoyed you could have taken them but decided not to.
My parents never went away without us children whether it was abroad or here. I would never go without my children. You can tailor your short breaks so you all enjoy them surely.
I think it's mean to go away without your children anyway.

You’re being unreasonable for going on holiday without your kids. The odd night away maybe but a couple of holidays a year?!

I wouldn't go on holiday without my kids at the moment. Maybe a long weekend at a push. I work full time so want to spend my non working time with them at the moment. They are 6 and 3. When they are older teens and doing more of their own thing I would go away for longer without them I think.

If you and your DH and your children are happy op, then that's fine. We don't all have to do the same things.

I voted U as I think you are sort of treating them as second class citizens in the family saving your money so you can do stuff without them. It seems a bit mean. I love our kids to have all different experiences from cycling holidays to beach by plane and city by train and all kinds
of road trips home and abroad. I love our time together and the experiences we have. Mind you we haven't got much easy childcare so we have only ever managed two long weekend abroad breaks without them,.which in all honesty were brilliant, so maybe I'm just jealous

I voted YABU. I travel independently without DS (I was in Poland earlier this week with friends) BUT there is no way I wouldn't give him that experience of travelling and seeing different countries and cultures. He absolutely loves flying and gets excited going on holiday.
DS is only 2 but if it wasn't for Coronavirus would have been on 6 foreign holidays by the end of September this year (I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll still be 5!) A mixture of beaches, theme parks and city breaks. We've also done CenterParcs, London and a few local nights away.

My parents travelled all over Europe with us as children, at age 4 and 8 we went on coach trips round Austria, Switzerland, Belgium, France and Germany etc etc and I'm so grateful we had those experiences, we also had caravan holidays but travelling to different countries was amazing as a small child.

There are so many amazing things to see and do in this country, why not take the time to let them experience it while they're younger? We can't afford holidays overseas, but we go to the Highlands every year and have an amazing time. Take them abroad later if you all want to go, but overseas holidays are not a right, or an essential childhood experience.