Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

[MugofHotToddy]

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

It really depends on the age of the kids. If they’re under 5 yanbu, if older than 5 yabu imo. I think that a child in the 5 to 10 age bracket (as well as older obviously) can get a lot out of going abroad, including visiting other cities.

Op, you’re trying to deflect by saying that the pp is rude. They have just stated an opinion. There are people who can only afford the U.K., but that’s not what your thread is about

Whatever the thread is about, it is rude to state matter of factly that UK holidays are rubbish. As OP pointed out there are a lot of people reading this who might not be able to afford anything else.

Just because it's your opinion doesn't mean someone can't pull up that it's a rude one.

I personally don't think it's a huge problem. Maybe if you're swanning off to an exotic beach holiday for a fortnight but a few days in Prague, Germany, Austria, whatever... I know the kids in our house would not have appreciated that until they were much older.

Maybe try it out and see what happens but I certainly wouldn't be making a habit of dragging moaning kids around with me. If it's once or twice a year for a few days I don't really see the problem.

I'd probably carry on doing what you're doing but maybe consider an abroad holiday with the kids every other year or something?

But then I'm also of the belief that kids don't have to be included in absolutely everything and your adult likes, desires and occasional breaks don't have to die a death when you have them. Providing you have family to help out of course.

Personally, I could never choose to holiday regularly without my kids - our time off is hard earned and we'd rather spend it with them than without them. We love taking the kids to new places, experiencing new sights, foods, languages, etc all together, and it's definitely shaped some of their interests and talents. Part of the buzz DH and I get from travelling to new places is seeing them through our kids' eyes as well as our own.

We have friends who regularly go away without their kids, and while it's up to them to do that, I feel sad for the kids. The kids stay at home with grandparents and talk to ours about how they don't understand why they've not gone too and why their parents haven't taken them. I'd hate my kids feeling this way.

If I ask DD which holidays she prefers, she can't choose between Disneyworld, butlins or a week in a uk seaside town & she's 8.

She just likes being on holiday!

YANBU, OP. If your kids aren't the type who would enjoy a city break, or foreign food, or whatever, why take them?

I've had too many visits to museums/galleries/historic sites etc spoiled by badly behaved children who were plainly overtired and /or bored shitless to think that they should be taken everywhere.

My eldest DC adored Paris last year (he was 6) and his request was the Centre Pompidou to see the art. I think you’re underestimating smallish DC. But yes, we do also do beach holidays abroad (I’m not yet over the most recent venture to Cornwall when it rained 13 of the 14 days we were there and it cost the same as this year’s trip to the South of France).

his request was the Centre Pompidou to see the art

I'm not suggesting this didn't happen but I honestly think pigs would fly before the kids in our house suggested this at 6. They'd have done nothing but complain and ask for the McDonald's they saw on the way to the hotel.

Some kids just aren't into stuff like this. A lot actually I'd imagine.

I'm sure they do love your family UK holidays.
Doesn't mean they wouldn't also love an adventure of travelling abroad and experiencing a different culture or different type of holiday.

Mine are now nearly adults so family holidays are coming to an end, but I'm so pleased we've been able to have so many different experiences together as a family, we've had real fun and adventures together and have a bank full of shared stories about them.
And we've had a regular UK holiday in the same location each year for that familiar, 'this is our place' feeling.

I think you and they are potentially missing out on all of that.

Me and Dh are now starting to go abroad a bit on our own and it's wonderful, but I'm glad we did so much with the kids when we could.

Abroad/European holidays or not, the thing is you could arrange to take your DC with you. Our parents never left us at home, they took us to all holidays and restaurants they went to, a day out or weekend to big city/forest/mountain/coast city (I am from abroad) and we loved it. DH and I are similar and would never dream of leaving our children behind as everything is so much fun with them. I appreciate that many couples want to spend evening together but still, you seem to spend many holidays away from your children.

It's a tough one, I'm a lone parent and pick holiday destinations my 4 year old DD enjoys (theme parks mainly), but I am getting older myself and some of the holidays I want to do aren't realistic as a pensioner, so I go away of a week or two without her as well, she has a lovely time being spoilt by my family. I do feel guilty though and tell her I am on a work trip as if I told her I was on a holiday she wouldn't understand why she was excluded.

This is why it's handy to give your children a small taste of just how boring an adult focused holiday of visiting museums and ruins can be....then they won't want to come!

Holidays aren't all equal though & outside of mumsnet plenty of people are "tourists" instead of travellers & take the kids for an AI break in the med where they never leave the complex.

I travelled a lot as a kid (immigrant parents who liked the sun), one of my favourite memories was camping in the UK in the rain.

And my parents always left us to go skiing with friends!

For me personally I find it odd and wouldn't be able to leave my DC and go abroad. So for me it would be strange to leave the children behind.
But each to their own.

I’ve taken DD on city breaks since she was tiny and at the age of 9 that’s now what she prefers - she doesn’t like beach holidays. She’s seen some truly amazing sights and experiences and just loves the one on one time we have when we go somewhere. I guess I’d feel bad - knowing DD’s love for travel - if I went without her. But if they’re not interested, give them a few years and enjoy the peace

Foreign holidays with DC don't have to be two weeks welded to a sun lounger in Mallorca.

They might quite like to swim in warm sea, snorkel and see different fish to the UK, go to an outdoor waterpark or water sports in the sea without being freezing cold, see something like the magic fountain in Barcelona or the volcano park in Lanzarote, so perhaps think about mixing it up a bit as they get older?

I, and most people I know, couldn’t afford the extra £400 plus babysitter charge (48 hrs at minimum wage) on top of the cost of a weekend away. Therefore for many people this simply isn’t an option.

My children- similar ages and younger love exploring cities- castles, museums, art galleries, walking along rivers and eating lots of ice cream. Yes it’s a different experience to being couple but they really enjoy it.

Maybe you could try a city break with them in addition to having your couple weekend away

I have loads of memories of amazing holidays with my parents.

But the abroad ones are special because of meeting different people/cultures and places

Having said that, that was in the days before the enormous industry that is tourism so I appreciate things are different now.

Still smacks of them not being treated to experiences you could afford and choose to do without them.

My kids loved city breaks - wandering around windy street, getting lost, map reading, discovering things and places (history, art etc all have fascinating stories which can intrigue kids if you catch their imagination), having an ice cream, playing in a piazza (while we drink wine), eating late and sitting outside while we all play uno, buying souvenir tat (they would spend many an hour agonising over what tat to buy with their precious money).

They also loved diving off boats in the med, canoeing in france, hiking in USA.

They adored Disney, as suprisingly did we!!

They love the special place in the North of England we have been to every year since they were born.

IME kids tend to like what they know and what adults expect them to like.

Most working parents simply don't have enough paid leave to take separate holidays.

It's up to you. Holidays are my favourite times, and my kids love going with us, even when we don't stick to the "2 week beach holiday thing"
beach holidays are much nicer abroad anyway

Kids are much easier to entertain on a city break than anywhere else, but each to their own.

You are just lucky you have enough annual leave for all these holidays.

YABU for posting like you are a superior parent who look down at "beach holiday thing".

I, and most people I know, couldn’t afford the extra £400 plus babysitter charge (48 hrs at minimum wage) on top of the cost of a weekend away. Therefore for many people this simply isn’t an option

They stay with my parents who they are very close to and live down the road (occasionally my mum will stay at our house instead) so there aren't babysitting charges or anything. I wouldn't leave them with a babysitter for days.

I take on board some of the comments about experiencing other cultures etc... I could suggest to DH that we try a long weekend somewhere and see how they like it.

If they do we could maybe split it so go with DC one time and me and DH another time. Best of both worlds maybe. I'm reluctant to agree that they have to come every where, every time with us but can see what posters are saying.

YABU for posting like you are a superior parent who look down at "beach holiday thing"

I've said it's not our thing which is true. I actually said in my OP I don't think there's anything wrong with that it's just not for us.

What's wrong with suggesting you don't like a certain type of holiday?

OP didn't say beach holidays were rubbish (like pp about UK ones), just that she doesn't enjoy them.

Perfectly reasonable. Not everyone does.

I probably wouldn’t be bothered about taking kids under 5 abroad but over 5 I would take them; I was taken on a lot of holidays as a child including places like Hong Kong and they were amazing experiences to have as a child. Part of these trips was an educational element of learning about different cultures and different places. From a young age I was very comfortable with travelling and eating new foods and meeting different people. My parents only started going away without us when we were older teenagers and didn’t want to come although I regret that now as I missed out on some amazing trips.

It’s great that your parents are happy to look after them for a whole weekend.

Try them away for a weekend and maybe include something that you know they would definitely like - theatre or a sporting event etc
Everything is more fun in the sunshine

But definitely keep your couple weekend as long as your parents are happy

I voted YABU because I've taken my smaller DC abroad and they love it. They love seeing things they dont have back home. Tasting food they dont have at home. And hearing languages they dont have back home. As well as the different weather.
Theres nothing wrong with UK holidays and yes I'd love a proper adventure like we used to have pre kids but that just waits until they're old enough to do it with me
Plus remember even if people agree you're speaking from a place of rare privilege to have someone who will look after not 1 but 2 kids for a whole weekend or longer. That's pretty rare.

I see it the same as going to a decent restaurant. I don't just take the kids to a place with soft play. I take them to places where I like the food and they can try it all.

But also YANBU because that works for you and the kids are happy. Just seems a shame they wont be exposed to these things. I remember our holidays as kids that were different. UK as well as abroad.