Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

[MugofHotToddy]

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

I think for small children, that is fine. I think as they get older then they get some amazing experiences seeing different places and I love sharing that with them. Obviously not essential, but nice to have I think.

Plus I couldn't (for mainly practical reasons) have left my kids for more than a short break and some trips need longer than that.

I dont see anything wrong with having a cultural break, but a nice relaxing break where you can sit in the sun, reading a book, whilst the kids splash in and out the pool etc is a great way to recharge.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that.

We've never done those kind of holidays really. That's not how I want to spend £££ either We've been all over and done all sorts with them. Lots of European city breaks, Japan, Borneo, South Africa, California (not just Disney!), Canada, Morocco. A few gite and camping holidays mainly in France. Colombia this year! (travel restrictions permitting).

To be honest I do appreciate that our views on holidays are different from the norm. I'm going away (to another country) tomorrow for a couple of days on my own and DH is staying with the kids. DH has done similar before although it's not often we do that.

I remember my mum and dad going to Africa and places when I was a kid. I guess I just think it's normal because it's how I've grown up. No resentment. I can do these things myself now I'm an adult but I can appreciate how others may think it strange.

Like I say, if the kids seemed upset about it, we'd consider changing the set up and we're certainly not saying we'll never have an abroad holiday, we went on one a few years ago. Just don't want to sacrifice everything else in order to save £££ to go away in the holidays when we have a lovely time for much less here.

It's all well and good taking kids away with us on city breaks but it restricts us in terms of school holidays, prices shooting up, the kind of activities we can do etc...

I agree though that we may need to rethink as they get older.

We do the opposite. My lovely in laws take the kids on great breaks away within Europe and me and my husband have a weekend away in a travelodge while they are gone .....

We have a couple of holidays a year as a family in the UK and 1 abroad but I could never bring myself to leave them in the UK when I went off. We budget the breaks away carefully and I would rather have 1 proper family holiday abroad and a couple of UK ones rather than a few UK ones with the kids and a few without them abroad.

When my kids have gone on city breaks they have loved them and learnt loads. They are only 8 & 5 now but it is what they are used to so they don't moan or trail behind. I like making memories with them and enjoy their company so would feel a bit lost without them!

But each to their own. If kids and you are happy then that is all that matters.

I think you're being unreasonable, sorry.

You have opportunity to take your kids abroad and you're denying them that just so you and your DH can go abroad multiple times a year without them.

When I was younger I was lucky enough to be able to go on numerous trips abroad and I'm so grateful my parents took me. I'm now an adult and we can't afford to go abroad.

I would feel really mean always going to really cool places without my DS. He loves travelling and exploring new places and does sightseeing and all sorts (he’s 8). I wouldn’t take him on every weekend away, we do all do stuff independently and he’s had plenty of sleepovers at grandma’s etc, but I would feel bad about going abroad several times a year and never taking him with me. It’s like buying expensive steak for yourself as a treat and sausages for DCs. Fine once in a while obviously, but a bit mean all the time.

I think it's a shame. You have the opportunity to broaden their horizons and you're choosing not to. My parents schlepped us round Europe - nothing fancy, just camping - and I love that I've been to most countries in Europe. It makes the world seem smaller, and it makes the idea of eg going abroad to study much less daunting.

I do not think you are being unreasonable, I watched two young children express extreme boredom and complain avidly when being dragged around a market in Vietnam for the umpteenth time, and remember taking my two DC to the beach at 8pm in Spain because the heat was so severe during the day. You do what's right for you and yours and if and when your DC take an interest in where your going maybe you can re think then.

It's all well and good taking kids away with us on city breaks but it restricts us in terms of school holidays, prices shooting up, the kind of activities we can do etc...

That's what happens when you have children though, surely?

I love these threads. You are convinced your way is right, so why bother posting?!

I voted YABU. I personally think your life changes once you have children. I am not a martyr and there are plenty of things you can still do. But things like the sort of holiday you went on pre-kids has to change OR you take them with you.

I personally wouldnt dream of only doing rubbish UK holidays with DS while saving all the fun holidays for me and DH.

I’d never do this .. just because you don’t feel like you missed out doesn’t mean they’ll feel the same .
How will your children experience the world if you get all the great exciting holidays and they get Bognor ?
We don’t just go to “Disney” for family holidays , we travel all over the US and Europe and are hoping to go to japan next year . Dd is just as excited as we are about going and she’s 8 . She likes museums ,zoo’s and some of the weirder places that go under the radar .
Ds is older so he now travels with friends and I don’t think he would’ve ever had the confidence to go to places like Vietnam, Thailand and Goa on his own if we had never introduced him to other places than the UK .

I think it’s an age thing then (see my post up thread). You might find your 8 yo starts to get more vocal about it!
We’ve always took the kids and never been to Disney etc.
We usually hire a car, and explore for a few day trips and we do go to ‘boring old towns’, but these are combined with lunch out & usually a treat like ice cream or waffle etc, these are all child friendly whilst we still get the see the place. The kids love all aspects of the travel, especially the flight. Yes sure sometimes I wish for a little some adults only time briefly when we’re away, but we’ve had some great family holidays.

I love these threads. You are convinced your way is right, so why bother posting?!

I've not said that. I've said multiple times I may need to change our stance as they are getting older...

I personally wouldnt dream of only doing rubbish UK holidays with DS while saving all the fun holidays for me and DH

I think that's very rude as well. UK holidays aren't 'rubbish' there's a lot of people who can't afford anything else.

Wouldn't cross my mind to leave my kids at home...we do a lot of long distance holidays and our children always come with us.

YABU. Of course they are happy with what they get; they don't know any differently. There's plenty of time for city breaks when they don't want to go with you any more. I can't imagine prioritising my own travel over my wider family holidays with DD. All family's are different, of course, but you did ask...

Unfortunately I agree that YABU however that's probably because of my experience growing up and my plans for my family which therefore shape my view point, just as your experience shapes yours. Doesn't necessarily mean one is right over the other. Do what's best for your family.

For my 2 pennies worth though. We we meet fortunate to travel a lot as kids (army brat) and I definitely think that's shaped who I am today. Going to Rome at 8/10 years old ultimately inspired me to study ancient history at university, travelling to France multiple times led me to be brave and confident enough to work in France in a ski resort and in a summer season. Travelling around the war memorials in France should be something every child does - gave me such respect and insight into the horrors of war (perhaps we only did this because of dads connection but it was a massively important experience for me). Going to Spain and having 2 weeks in the sun, with different types of food, my mum having a break from cooking and cleaning, not eating at the usual "Pizza Hut" or whatever meant my parents could truly relax and enjoy quality time as a family. I'd 100% rather be abroad for a week than in the UK. That being said I had a wonderful time at centre parcs recently but would I chose it over an abroad holiday? Never.

I realise that I've been very lucky holiday wise and perhaps may not be the norm, but it was important for our family to spend time together away from the UK or Germany somewhere different, exotic, somewhere to learn about different culture and talk about what we've learnt.

Perhaps also I'm blinded by that 1 week I had in my great aunts caravan in Anglesey where we weren't allowed to touch anything, play too noisily outside, and it rained for a week solid. Haha.

Ultimately do what's right and affordable for your family and sod anyone else's opinions

Seems wrong to me, holidays are for family. I did get a couple of weeks in total away with exh without the kids whilst they were growing up but would have felt bad to do any more

Ps, having kids doesn't mean family resorts - we took our backpacking and on road trips

Op, you’re trying to deflect by saying that the pp is rude. They have just stated an opinion. There are people who can only afford the U.K., but that’s not what your thread is about. You choose to go abroad to exciting and fun places and leave your dc at home as you don’t want to pay for them. You think a week in Skegness is the same as a week away in the sunshine or exploring new places. Your attitude comes across as selfish and you’re on here to get people to agree with you so you can justify your actions.

I love to show my DC the world so I don't understand your reasoning at all. I guess your DC don't complain as this is the status quo they are used to🤷🏻‍♀️

I came second to my mother in everything as a child. She was not a good parent, but this was something I picked up on even as a child. I don't put my children before me, but they are my equals. So, if we can all afford to go abroad, we do. As it happens, I could afford for ME to go away, and an english holiday for us all. But I don't, I'd see it as unfair. We all go together on holidays we can all go on instead. There are plenty of things to do, that I enjoy as well, on a holiday we can all go on.

If it works for you then YANBU.
I couldn’t imagine doing the same as you. I had my first DC at 19 and until 5 years ago (I’m 51 ) I spent every adult holiday with 1,2 or all 3 of my DC I travel a lot and have been fortunate to take my DC to many amazing places overseas and in the Uk. My middle child who is 21 has been on 35 holidays abet with us as a family. Then about 5 years ago when my youngest DC was 15 my DH started to go away without the D.C. a couple of times a year. We still have at least one foreign holiday with the DC each year. I like how I’ve done it but realise many families couldn’t afford so many holidays. To me there’s plenty of time when the D.C. are grown up to go on holiday without them. I don’t mean every single holiday has to be with them as adult time is important but I’ve had so many holiday experiences with my DC I think they would have missed out if they hadn’t been with us.