Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

[MugofHotToddy]

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

Apparently it's quite a common thing to send your kids in cattle class and travel business yourself. Kids need to know their place

Barcelona - loads to see, a culture that's different enough to UK without being scarey, beach.
My parents always had holidays on their own. I felt me and my sibling really missed out.

Holidays abroad are not necessary for a happy childhood, especially at such a young age. I'd do what works for your family. Right now, what you're doing is working. I'd save the expensive trips for when they're old enough to appreciate them (and mature enough to make the journey less of a chore for everyone involved).

As long as your children aren't feeling "neglected" or forgotten, it's not a problem. I'd probably plan some special treats for them before, during, or after your holiday, or maybe bring them a thoughtful gift when you return, so that they don't feel left out when you go without them.

It's a little bit the holiday equivalent of just eating in places where the children's options are fish fingers or sausages with peas or baked beans. It's hardly a parenting crime and there's a definite place for it. However, if you can take them out somewhere posher and give them half portions from the adult menu occasionally, they are more likely to grow up feeling a bit more confident in those situations. You don't wait until they ask, it's up to you to give them those opportunities so they see it as something that's "in their world".

@SewItGoes why does a young child have to “appreciate” a holiday ?
They’re young ,they will just enjoy a different environment with their parents .

I think it's great that you're managing to make grown-ups only holidays work and getting to do the sort of thing you enjoy that would probably bore your kids senseless. Sounds like you have great balance.

I think maybe when they're a bit older it would be nice to incorporate them seeing some sights of the world if you can, but I get what you mean. I love going to cities and walking around all day, seeing art and historical buildings, drinking wine, eating local delicacies. When I was a kid I remember thinking ugh so much walking ugh so many boring buildings ugh snails gross.

I couldn’t imagine going on holiday without dc.

That is the point of having a family.

I wouldn’t enjoy going away without them as we have so much fun with them.

Even now they are both in work we go away with them when ever we go on holiday.

Couldn’t imagine leaving them behind.

I’m baffled at the idea that taking your kids abroad means either beaches or family resorts.

We’ve been taking ours abroad - city breaks, countryside, city snow (we don’t ski but Bern and Innsbruck are both great for combining city breaks with making a snowman), museums and galleries, ancient sites like Pont du Gard and the arena at Nîmes which sparked a fascination with Ancient Rome when eldest was 5. They have got so much out of it. They do love UK breaks as well but taking them abroad gives them a totally different experience - language, food, history, landscapes even the way buildings look and how you get around.

They’re 4 and 8 now and (Coronavirus permitting) we’re Interrailing this summer.

I know my kids would hate being dragged around some old town in Austria for example just like me and DH would hate sitting on a sun lounger for two weeks in Majorca.

So you don't do either. We had a week in Paris including Disneyland for two days. Lake Garda with a couple of days at the beach and a few days seeing Limone and other towns. Netherlands, seeing friends, seeing the Rjiks Museum. Which DD loved. Some children like art. She's not 'precocious' BTW she just likes pretty pictures. Bizarre to say children don't appreciate art. That's a lot of what they do when they're young, art.

I've been away with DH and DD when she was small. I wouldn't now.

I never went abroad as a child and feel I really missed out. Although family holidays aren't easy, I can't imagine not taking my son abroad. I want him to have the opportunities I didn't have, and see the world is so much bigger and richer than just where we live.

He's 6 and we've taken him on a number of European city breaks and campsite/beach holidays. We did a big family trip to Legoland Denmark last year and all had an amazing time. It's obviously something you wouldn't do without kids, but we got so much enjoyment seeing how happy he was.

Personally I'd try a family holiday abroad and see how you find it.

YABU. Children benefit from seeing other cultures, hearing other languages, eating foreign foods etc. We don't do very expensive holidays and we don't go abroad that often, but when we do we take the dc with us. Their first couple of foreign holidays were camping in France when they were tiny. They've also been to Spain and Italy. They are 11 and 14 and we would really like them to see more countries, but can't afford it atm.

No, of course foreign holidays aren't necessary for a happy childhood, but they are not necessary for adults either!

Some of my best memories are of being taken abroad with my 3 brothers and mum and dad, travelling around on public transport, trying different food, trying out a few words in another language, being told stories from a different culture. We never did a foreign beach holiday, though occasionally swam in the sea if we happened to be passing.
It worked because they were the kind of people who genuinely enjoyed that sort of thing. My mother was a born storyteller, my dad enjoyed the more practical challenges. They were having a great time and our presence added to that: they could do what they enjoyed most.
If that's not how it works for you, why not just do what does work?

I personally find it so refreshing to see people with kids be more than just parents!
When people go out to work? Go out to dinner with friends? Do their hobby? We couldn't have a holiday without the kids until they're grown but that doesn't mean I'm "just a parent"

My kids are toddlers and I cant at the moment imagine going away without them. So we would choose family oriented holidays for now. Maybe this will change as they get older as I would love to go back to the Maldives when it is mine and dh's 10th anniversary.

I think it is a bit sad that you wouldn't spend money taking the kids abroad but are happy to spend that same money on yourselves. Appreciate that parents are allowed time to themselves but this feels a bit mean.Yabu

I voted YABU, because holidays abroad are great fun. They probably aren’t complaining because they don’t know what they’re missing? If your kids were 1 & 2 I’d say YANBU but at 8 & 5 they’re at a great age to enjoy an abroad holiday. Swimming, kids clubs etc... that might not be your idea of a great holiday but when you have kids you compromise.

YANBU.

It's not an option for us because even finding a babysitter for an evening out is tough enough, but there is a part of me that misses the spontaneity of adult couple travelling that is logistically different with two children involved (even without a familiarity loving autistic child)

There are loads of great places in the UK and we have interesting UK based holidays at child pace each year. When we've gone abroad, we've done the "safe" sunshine and sand package holiday because an unhappy, melting down child = an unhappy, brave face, trying not to melt down parent. It would be great to travel more independently and flexibly.

The DCs love Race Across The World, and I'd like to try interrailing when they are more able to manage their luggage. It would need careful planning to avoid sensory overload though... booked berths for the family. Rest breaks in private rooms in hostels. It was much easier back when you could pass a badly timed night in an internet cafe and launderette

People often cite the cultural experience but how much culture do you actually experience in a couple of days or a week? And do people in the UK not mix with people from other cultures?

2 weeks in India is not comparable to having grown up with a Gujarati best friend who taught (tried) me how to make chapatis, etc & included me in weddings, celebrations etc.

Maybe it's because both DH & I are children of immigrants & we grew up in London which is obviously very diverse. Most of our friends are also children of immigrants & I've experienced far more cultural exposure through friends then I have on holiday.

Maybe we just have very moany kids then as they are never interested in our breaks, they are boring apparently

I think this is the crux of it. I'm not a big spender of money and very rarely go on holiday myself because it's so expensive, so I absolutely refuse to take a child that wouldn't appreciate it/behave well enough. Any moan from them would seem 10x worse to me because I'd be acutely aware of how much money I'd spent for us all to be there just for none of us to enjoy it properly. My daughter is still young, and until she's old enough to remember/appreciate a holiday I do personally view them as breaks from the stresses of parenting, not an opportunity to continue it somewhere more expensive.

That said, if I had the disposable income to go several times a year (which I don't) I would probably start to try and do more of a mixture, not least because the 8 year old is getting to the age where he would benefit from holidays abroad for the culture and to get out of his comfort zone.

People often cite the cultural experience but how much culture do you actually experience in a couple of days or a week? And do people in the UK not mix with people from other cultures?

There’s a difference between ‘mixing with people from other countries’ (I’m one myself) and actually experiencing a different country - being surrounded by a different language, deciphering street signs, different food, different kinds of shops and markets, houses that look different, and a different history and cultural tradition to see first hand and discuss.

YABU as children benefit so much from travel. By your own admission you like a UK family holiday so you can save the £££ for you and DH to go away alone. We are a low-ish income family but have always prioritised holidays so don't make a deal out of bdays/Xmas so we can save and we have been to Spain, France, Germany, Portugal, Morrocco, Turkey and never been to a resort. We do everything in a budget and the children have gained so much cultural capital. We actually can't afford to holiday in the UK!

@JassyRadlett I'm not saying it's not a valuable experience but I don't think it's the same level of integration personally. Going to Barbados with my Bajan friend & staying with her family is a completely different experience to just going to Barbados. I've tried far more different foods as my friends houses & celebrations over the years than I have when visiting countries.

@bizzybuzzy They’re totally different experiences with totally different benefits for kids.

that doesn't negate the fact that if you want your kids to have knowledgeable & experience of other cultures you can foster that through friendships without leaving the UK.

I didn’t say it did.

I would, however, question how much you can know about what a place is like, and what life is like for those who live there rather than what life is like for immigrants from there, without ever having been there.

I say this as an immigrant for whom bringing my children to my country is incredibly important and a totally different experience

Just like visiting France gives my son a totally different perspective on the country and its people than he gets from his French best friend and best friend’s family.

They are complementary, certainly. But in no way directly analogous.

*a totally different experience than living with me, a person from that country.

Forgot to finish the sentence....