Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

[MugofHotToddy]

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

Yabu. As a kid I was lucky enough to have many foreign holidays and I learned to love tbe different cultures and foods and scenery we just don't have in the uk. I also can't imagine going away without my kids, we always plan holidays we would all enjoy because seeing them happy is part of the joy of a vacation. Lots of fascinating places to go to for a yearly holiday that incorporates beach and historical sites, museums etc.

I can see your "us time" perspective OP but I voted YABU because how will you cultivate an interest in other cultures and places in your kids without taking them with you? I'm so excited to be taking my children on their first holiday abroad this year precisely so they can see another culture, language, food, travel, etc. They wouldn't get that difference within the UK.

I would, however, question how much you can know about what a place is like, and what life is like for those who live there rather than what life is like for immigrants from there, without ever having been there.

You would experience the culture, tradition & customs though. I would question how much you know what life is like living in a different country from staying in a hotel for a week

Going abroad so my DC can see different cultures and ways of doing things is important to me. UK holidays can be a string to that bow but it’s unfair not to take your kids away if you can afford it

My sons Travelled all over the world when young, holidays, such and my husband worked internationally, so we would fly out for weeks at a time to some amazing places, they saw orangutans in Borneo, swam in the Dead Sea, stayed in 2 palaces in Dubai, drove Huskies in Alaska and flew with their dad to take drs to remote african villages, but you ask them now about their favourite holidays and it will be, in a caravan with family on the kent and essex coast. Eating chips on the beach and feeding seagulls.
Going abroad means more to the adults.
Oh, and they hated Disneyland, thank goodness, chavvy hell on earth ))))shudder(((((

I would question how much you know what life is like living in a different country from staying in a hotel for a week.

Why are you so bizarrely combative of the idea that you might get something out of visiting a place that you can’t get from knowing people from that place (and vice versa?)

You get different things out of each experience. Not everyone will have the opportunity to have close friendships with people from a large number of other countries, not everyone will have the opportunity to visit a variety of other countries. You can gain things from each experience that you can’t gain from the other. It isn’t a competition for authenticity.

Does my kid know lots about French family life, traditions, celebrations from his French friend? Yes. Would he have known what it felt like to stand on top of the Arena in Nîmes, or stand under the Pont du Gard understand first-hand its contribution to life in Roman France, sparking an interest in all things Roman that still lasts for him today? No, of course not. They’re totally different things.

I'm glad my parents took me to do many countries as a child on holidays because I certainly can't afford it now. Most of the travelling I've done in my life was with my parents and it was a wonderful experience. Either way though, you're not right or wrong. YANBU.

I don't think it's unreasonable to go on breaks without your kids at all especially if you're doing stuff you know they wouldn't like.
I do have friends that take their children on lots of city breaks and short trips and the kids love it. They enjoy the museums and sightseeing and they try and do a dedicated 'kid' activity each day, even if it's choosing a museum that has something for them.

My mother never took me on a holiday that wasn't a visit to family.

When I was younger this was because of money but later she went on to have four or five holidays abroad and never took me. I resented that a lot but yours is a very different situation.

I'm not being combative, my point has always been you can experience other cultures & traditions through knowing people from other countries. Not sure why that's bizarre? Yes visiting other countries it a great experience but it doesn't necessarily give you an understanding of that culture.

J'en ai marre de toi! 😝

How charming.

No one has actually disagreed with you. Simply pointed out that you can get things from visiting another country that you don’t get in other ways, including close relationships with people from that country.

* I'm not being combative, my point has always been you can experience other cultures & traditions through knowing people from other countries. Not sure why that's bizarre? Yes visiting other countries it a great experience but it doesn't necessarily give you an understanding of that culture.*

Lol people who have no clue about different cultures say this. What most people recognise as established Indian culture in the UK is actually East African culture - there is a huge difference between the UK Indian and East African-Indian cultures. Including the food.

Similarly the UK Indian culture isn’t a patch on actual Indian culture. Travelling to India, even if you stay in a resort, is a life changing experience even if you are ‘Indian’ like I am.

It's selfish to do that

I can’t imagine ever doing that. Either we all go or none. Holidays are for family here, no one is left out or deemed not worth paying for to go to x destination.

It’s like having adult only food, treats etc.

I couldn't imagine going on holidays without my kids (aged 3, 5.5 and 8.5). I'm sure we'll have the opportunity when they're grown up. We go abroad regularly, to see our families first (neither of us was born in the UK) but also try to slot it another trip abroad if we can (Portugal last year, Italy the year before). The kids loved it. We did a few museums and some sightseeing but also other more children friendly activities (a toys museum in Lisbon which was actually really fun), some walking around, loads of great food. I would have hated for my kids not to be part of that. We also love going on UK trips, whether it be a week in a caravan or Center Parcs (although can't afford that now that the kids are in school).

You sound a bit selfish to be honest.

We never had holidays abroad as a child as my DM won't set foot on a plane (plenty in the UK though), but my parents would have never dreamed of going on holiday without us. Surely you have all the time in the world to go off travelling by yourselves once they've grown up and left home?

Nothing wrong with UK holidays, bit I'd feel funny prioritising the adults above the kids in that way. You clear see a value in travel to other countries, so surely you want your dc to have the same benefit?

I just can’t understand people who can go away on holiday without their kids. I’ve never left mine more than 1 night. Just can’t get my head around it. We had loads of holidays pre children but we’re a family now. They don’t stay young forever and they’ll get to an age where they wont want to come with us, but for now we all go or none of us go.

We tend to go abroad for the weather mainly. There's a whole heap of difference between sitting on a warm sunny beach watching the children play to sitting on a freezing beach with sand being blown in your face. A decent weather holiday means we adults can relax a little more than what we're going to do with the kids because it's pissing down.
We also have a caravan on Anglesey so we don't miss out on the home based hols.
The kids love both types, they aren't bothered which they go on, they're pandered to on both, but they do enjoy the excitement of the aeroplane trip.

*wondering what

I went on holiday abroad for the first time when I was ten with my grandparents. It was fabulous, a child friendly resort with huge pools, day trips to the water park, boat trips, walking distance to a beach. Amazing. Kids absolutely adore that kind of stuff OP, you might find you could even enjoy a kid friendly holiday when you see how much they love it. Truly one of the best memories of my childhood.

People often cite the cultural experience but how much culture do you actually experience in a couple of days or a week?

That depends partly on how well prepared you are. My parents put an immense amount of work into preparing us and pointing things out to us while we were there and encouraging us to see and interact with people.

And do people in the UK not mix with people from other cultures?

Sorry, but the immigrant experience you are going to get from watching me here in the UK is nothing like what you would get from seeing me in my natural habitat, let alone interacting with people from my culture who never left in the first place. Here in the UK, I retain a few quaint habits, food, festivals etc. But basically, I adapt. All the time. I have spent 30 years working on my accent alone, for the express purpose of making people forget that I'm different. I have mastered the technique of the English joke, I have watched endless reams of Doctor Who. I only bring out my foreignness in small batches, when it is culturally appropriate, and put it away in a drawer before people have time to get tired. Us immigrants like to survive.

We have stayed in this country for holidays but apart from them ending up pretty boring and the weather not being guaranteed we also spent more.

We have lived in a huge number of towns and cities throughout the UK and after a while they do merge into one.

Particularly when the local council has had the “original” idea of paving over the town centre, just like every other local council up and down the country.
Then because the rent and rates go up only the chain stores can afford to be there so you have a Boots next door to WH Smith’s, there will be a big store like Debenhams/John Lewis and then a Nando’s/Pizza Express/MacDonalds etc

At least if you go to different countries you are getting something different and you can spend time on the beach or by a pool and the weather is guaranteed.

We have always took our children abroad because it is fun and cheaper than staying in the UK

I love my breaks without the kids and sometimes they might go in the UK one year and I go abroad but in general they get to go abroad a lot so I don’t feel bad. Yes I would feel bad not taking my kids to see the world if I was.

Also you need to compromise. Kids do like beach holidays and water parks etc. You can do a bit of beach and sight seeing. If you drag them round art galleries in some European city then say no they don’t like going abroad that’s unfair. As a parent you need to compromise. I don’t much like beach holidays anymore but my kids do. My 16yr old loves all inclusive holidays where he makes friends. I get a bit bored but I’ll go on other holidays with my mum and adult son, city breaks which the kids don’t like yet. You can do the same and compromise with a few days at a beach resort

Yabu. You go to the more interesting places but adapt it to the needs of your kids. As a couple we travelled extensively all over the world pre kids and loved it, so it's not that I don't understand you wanting to do that but I can't imagine making the choice to continue to do that and leaving the kids at home.

You should be choosing places that your children will find fun as well as you. It doesn't have to be 2 weeks in majorca.