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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Abroad holidays for me and DH, domestic holidays for kids

166 replies

MugofHotToddy · 13/03/2020 10:18

My friend and I were discussing holidays and it came about that me and DH usually go abroad a couple of times a year.

We don't really do the 2 week beach holiday thing and like to go different places, city breaks etc...

When it comes to holidays with the children we just go in the UK.

To us, we don't want to spend £££ going to some family resort in the school holidays or to Disneyland etc... nothing wrong with that of course but we just don't want to do that. Kids seem happy enough with UK holidays and it means me and DH have the £ spare to go on the smaller breaks we like throughout the year.

Friend thinks we're awful for never taking the children abroad when we go without them and should do without our smaller breaks so we can take the kids on a big abroad holiday once a year.

Are we unreasonable? We'd never not take the kids anywhere, but we don't really see why that has to be outside of the country. Not at the moment anyway (both under ten).

They have been abroad before when we went on a family holiday with my parents a few years ago and we likely will again at some point but we don't see why this has to be an annual thing.

OP posts:
minipie · 13/03/2020 13:26

Depends what your DC are like, and their ages. Mine age 7 and 5 love new countries. No they weren’t asking to go to the Centre Pompidou (!! did this really happen??) but they absolutely loved riding camels and seeing the souks in Marrakech, for example. Also loved the Paris Plages and Montmartre (less keen on the Eiffel Tower due to the queues!). Of course, some children prefer the familiar and wouldn’t like that kind of trip at all.

Why not find holidays which have something of what they enjoy and something of what you enjoy? There must be loads of holidays where you could fit in a few visits to cultural old towns and yet also do plenty of the activities they enjoy. France, Spain and Greece for example have plenty of both. We have recently done a few holidays where we do something more cultural in the morning and then beach/pool in the afternoon. Or alternate days out sightseeing with days by the pool.

I do think your DC are going to start asking why you aren’t taking them with.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 13/03/2020 13:26

I've said it's not our thing which is true.

then.. don't go? It doesn't mean you can't take your kids with you on holiday. Most people do, whatever the holiday can be.

yes it 's weird to want to spend time without your kids but if you don't work full time and already see plenty of them, it's different of course.

I have taken my kids on city breaks and all sorts of break since birth. If you want an adult only holiday, that's what you're doing.

IronShame · 13/03/2020 13:28

yes it 's weird to want to spend time without your kids

It is not weird to want to spend time without your kids FFS?! 😂

Missarad · 13/03/2020 13:29

Who has your kids? Nah get a spanish holiday booked they will love it

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 13/03/2020 13:31

If you both work full time it is absolutely weird that you don't holiday with your kids

And yeah pretty selfish you get the foreign trips - remember holidaying abroad from age 5 to lots of strange and wonderful places. Guess it a bit different though if you are just booming an all inclusive to Benidorm

SleepingStandingUp · 13/03/2020 13:32

I personally wouldnt dream of only doing rubbish UK holidays with DS while saving all the fun holidays for me and DH.
Why are UK holidays rubbish? We've not been abroad since I was 32 weeks pregnant with first born, he's now 4.5. Every year we go to Wales because that's what is manageable and affordable. In future I'll just not bother because it must be rubbish

teapotter · 13/03/2020 13:32

If you want your kids to share your values in the long term, or even as teenagers, I’d personally start now. Maybe not every holiday but once a year. You can do a bit of beach/kids museums etc and a bit of getting to know new cultures. It’s harder work than leaving them at home, but in the long term it’s worth it.

In my opinion the best age to get them interested in other ways of life is 6-9yo. Wait until secondary school and it’s more of an uphill battle.

Original poster
MugofHotToddy · 13/03/2020 13:34

then.. don't go? It doesn't mean you can't take your kids with you on holiday

I don't, that was in response to the poster who said I thought I was superior because I said I don't like beach holidays.

I enjoy a lot of time with the kids, but I certainly enjoy some time away from them as well. I didn't realise that was 'weird'.

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 13/03/2020 13:37

I think you are being unreasonable. If you couldn't afford to go abroad then a holiday in the UK is absolutely fine - but as you can afford to get away abroad a few times a year I think you are selfish for not sharing that with them. Introduce them to a new city, a new country, a new culture. Open their eyes to the fact there is a big world out there. I'm not suggesting you spend 2 weeks sitting by a pool. But take them on a city break with you. Adapt what you do to make it enjoyable for you all. Share your loves with them. If it's art you like let them see it, if its architecture show them the buildings, if it's wildlife let them see it too.....whatever it is share your passions. There are some lovely citys where you can combine that with a beach too if that's what the kids like.

Original poster
MugofHotToddy · 13/03/2020 13:39

As I say, I think I'll suggest to DH we bring them along to a long weekend somewhere and see how they like it. We can then do some with some without. This only occurs maybe twice a year, we aren't jetting off every week.

My point about the beach holiday was I don't want to forgo those smaller trips that me and DH enjoy so that we can save thousands to go on a holiday in the summer that we'll hate. We much prefer going on shorter trips throughout the year but I take the point that the kids may enjoy these if we give it a go.

OP posts:
adaline · 13/03/2020 13:40

For me, I can't imagine being in the position to take my DC abroad and choosing not to.

I was lucky enough to be able to go abroad a lot as a child. Now I'm 30, self-employed and with a mortgage - I can't afford to go abroad. I can barely afford to go away in the UK. I am so fortunate that my parents' took me away when they could. I loved it - I had great experiences - new foods, new people, new sights. You don't have to be above a certain age to appreciate it.

One of my favourite memories is being in Italy aged about 8 or 9. We'd been going to a bakery everyday for a week and this time my dad let me go in alone. He waited outside for me and I went in and ordered what I wanted - in Italian. The lady behind the counter recognised me and spoke to me back in Italian and was so nice - and I got a free meringue for getting all my Italian right Grin

I just think it's a real shame not to expose your children to as much as you can. You're so fortunate to be in a position where you can afford to go away regularly - why not take your children? You could take them for a long weekend - leave on a Friday, back on Sunday night. They're so young that it's not all that expensive to add them on to your journeys either.

SparkyBlue · 13/03/2020 13:41

I've never gone on holidays without my children. We don't go abroad every year and our holidays are very different to the ones DH and I enjoyed pre kids but seeing as they are our children so starting to take an interest in the things DH and I enjoy so I'm sure in a couple of years we can do much more interesting stuff with them .

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/03/2020 13:43

It’s not just the experiences your dc are missing out on , it’s the finances. I am not saying I never buy anything for myself or go the cinema, occasionally meals out with dh and a night in a premier inn on our anniversary in a different city.
I could not however feel comfortable spending much on multiple European breaks.

Lippy1234 · 13/03/2020 13:45

You could take your holiday abroad every one or two years and then go on a mini break in the Uk with your DH.

Dishwashersaurous · 13/03/2020 13:45

The cost of childcare and the limited annual leave to cover school holidays mean that many ( most) people would not be in a position to have multiple holidays without their children even if they wanted to.

And long working hours means that many (most) parents don’t get to spend as much time with their children as it is.

minipie · 13/03/2020 13:46

I don’t think bringing them along on one of your grown up city breaks and seeing if they like it is a brilliant idea. Nor is it a good idea to have a 2 week beach break you’ll hate. There are plenty of options in between!! You can adapt a little and so can they and you meet in the middle.

What do your DC enjoy doing on holiday OP? What do you enjoy? I’m sure we can collectively suggest some holidays with both.

BarbaraofSeville · 13/03/2020 13:48

You also don't have to go for a fortnight on a family holiday abroad either. You can go for as little time as you like.

We've been to Mallorca for 3 nights and it was still worth it (it was first thing Thursday morning to late on Sunday, so had 3.5 days there) so a good way to try out something without committing lots of time.

Your DC might also feel they're missing out if they've never been on a plane - that's a new experience in itself.

Cassimin · 13/03/2020 13:54

We have always taken our kids with us wherever we went.
They have been all over Europe and long haul too. I am a foster carer and our child has been everywhere we have been.
Cuba and Naples were his best holidays.
We are going to Paris at Easter with him taking him to Disney and sightseeing. He is 12 with asd and adhd so it’s not easy.
Travel is excellent for kids, it gives them confidence and wonderful experiences.
You are defiantly BU

Original poster
MugofHotToddy · 13/03/2020 13:55

Your DC might also feel they're missing out if they've never been on a plane - that's a new experience in itself

They have been on a plane, we went for a family holiday with my parents for dads 60th and will likely go again in a couple of years for mum's. It's not that we'll never have an abroad holiday, it's just we don't prioritize it annually (a big family one I mean).

But yes I do take the other points.

OP posts:
Cheesepleasee · 13/03/2020 13:56

I personally find it so refreshing to see people with kids be more than just parents! And if you know your kids wouldn't enjoy the trips then of course it's not unreasonable not to take them. So much of parenting is making sacrifices, it's ok to not sacrifice absolutey everything.
Also I never went abroad until I went at 17 with friends, we had UK holidays, and it did me no harm Grin It's absolutely not a necessity to take kids abroad

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 13/03/2020 13:59

A 6 year old specifically requested to see modern art at Centre Pompidou? Give over. Wink

Readyme · 13/03/2020 14:00

YABU your kids sound like second class citizens in their own family. Multiple holidays annually is indulgent.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 13/03/2020 14:03

A 6 year old specifically requested to see modern art at Centre Pompidou? Give over.

why not? Kids see leaflet or advert, wants to go.
Kids want to go everywhere. Not sure why it's such a weird concept.

Readyme · 13/03/2020 14:03

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo my 4 year old is desperate to go to the Louve. She's been asking to see Paris since she was 3 years old, granted she's a tad precocious but some children do enjoy art.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 13/03/2020 14:04

I personally find it so refreshing to see people with kids be more than just parents!

you have the whole year to do that, unless you can afford a week holiday every month, I find it depressing that you would chose to spend your time off without your kids.