Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

Hmm yes didn't think it could be a get out for the bride. I guess you will have to make that judgement when she gets back to you.

I can't help feeling that your amazingly generous gift reflected a well established close friendship - I have a couple of friends that I would do this for if I could!! But I know that they would never then not invite me to the most important part of the day - struggling to see how you have misjudged the depth of the friendship and also how someone could be so mean in return.

Which is why I am thinking it is an error!!

CB is Chief Bridesmaid who the OP has known since they were children. The bride is someone she has only known since their chi,Daren were at school together.

I had to read back to get it as I was getting confused. Looks like CB is jealous of OP's friendship with the Bride judging by an earlier post from the OP.

Are you hiring a helicopter or something? Please don’t demean yourself by doing this for someone who hasn’t invited you to the wedding.

Well done for sending that message, it'll be good to know where you stand, either way.

@AmberleighMouse that was my thought exactly!

Dear Bride,
Sorry about my last message. What I meant was I am surprised you accepted my offer of a gilt edged limo as it seems grossly over the top now I understand you aren't inviting me to the actual wedding. I am sorry if I have embarrassed us both and I will understandably withdraw the offer. I am very happy to offer an appropriate level of gift for an evening only guest. How many Ubers would you like?
Love Mumof...

or bridesmaid jealousy/ bitchiness

I like your message too - I'm sorry that you e been so let down, you must feel very hurt

I’m confused by the message you sent. Do you seriously think her bridesmaid sent her wedding invitations?

You have just given them a get out of jail card.

OP, you sound like a very kind person, I hope you decide to not pay and treat yourself and your DH on hol. Be kind to yourself.

Is CB not cheeky bitch?

Rooting for you - I really hope your 'friend' has the common decency to put things right and upgrade your invite. But if not, DO NOT PAY!!!

So your gift wasn’t a gift, it was a down payment on a big dinner?

ouch

DollyDoneMore Wed 11-Mar-20 20:13:48
So your gift wasn’t a gift, it was a down payment on a big dinner

It would have to be a very large dinner to cost £600. Ridiculous comment. Are you the bride?

Any decent person who considered you an 'evening invite' would have refused your offer, or had the common decency to extend an all day invite.

I can't believe some people's brass neck.

Don't pay as you mentioned yourself the friendship is already over. Spend the money on your holiday... I think you will be more resentful paying it in the long run! Actions have consequences... don't be out of pocket because of this!

Good message, OP. You’ve given them either the chance to find the mistake or a graceful way out of their awfulness. If they come back and say ‘no no give us £600 but only come for the evening’ then you can say ‘Um, no as you clearly don’t see our friendship as I do’ and walk away.

@AmberleighMouse I agree with you. I think being given a whole day invitation now would be awkward all round.

OP, even if you get a full day invite please decline and don't pay over £600.

Even if CB helped write the invites, the B made the decision. I would consider the friendship over.

This is sooo rude, please look after yourself. Money is scarce, life is short, go away with you loved one/s and forget the weddng. If you lose deposit, so be it! But don't lose everything. Good luck, I think you must be a lovely friend.

I'm agog at what the brides reply to the OP's text will be!

@BacklashStarts But it's not a graceful way out of their awfulness. It's saying that if you don't invite me I won't pay. There is no graceful way out of this situation

You sound like a wonderful friend, she doesn't deserve you in the slightest. Spend your time, money, and energy on those who love you back.

If you were my friend I'd never dream of taking that sort of money from you. I'd love you for offering, but I'd never take it. You deserve so much better than this person.

What a cunt.

Giving them a graceful way out?? Embarrass them into giving you an invite that they’d rather not, rather than lose the gift you’re paying for, you mean.
Why do you want to go so badly that you’d be happy with that?!
Have some dignity, fgs.