Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

It would have to be a very large dinner to cost £600. Ridiculous comment. Are you the bride

I think the PP here was being symbolic about the down payment on dinner. Not literally a £600 down payment on a salmon mousse and chicken supreme.

I'm only guessing mind.

I hope you get the response your looking for OP. I agree with others though. I think the bride will feel guilty and invite you to the full day unless she's just going to stick to her decision about only inviting you to the evening. Likely that the CB had involvement with invitations but I highly doubt that she had any say in who and when guests where invited, I think she will of just been helping write them out. Sadly I think your 'friend' is a shitty person, I certainly wouldn't be paying £600 for their gift!
You seem like a very kind hearted person and unfortunately it's always those with a kind heart that get taken advantage of. I think you should save you £600 and go for nice holiday. Wishing you well with your illness.

Chief Bridesmaid aka possible Cheeky Bitch

Thanks to those who clarified who CB is. I think this is incredibly mean of the bride and she is not a true friend. If one of my close friends had been ill I'd do everything I could to get her to my special day - especially someone who sounds as kind as your are OP. Tell her to piss off and her CB too.

I think it is good you have challenged rather than seethe silently. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting them know that you are offended by being excluded from events and don't think it's appropriate for them to accept such a large gift and not invite you to see it.

They are showing you who they are, and you deserve better.

Do something nice for yourself with the £600.

Regardless of how she answers the text, I still wouldn’t pay for the gift.

You're being too kind Op.

Withdraw your overly kind offer and spend the money on yourself.

Do not pay! She is outrageous

Spend the money on your holiday. You deserve it - she doesn’t.

Did your friend reply op?

Brilliant message

You are being too kind as a PP said.

I think like it or not the friendship won't ever be the same.

If she does reply with a day invite are you really going to feel comfortable going, knowing you were not wanted? I couldn't do it.

A very similar thing happened to my DH recently (without the wildly expensive gift) and he was so hurt he declined the evening invite and they barely speak now.

It's really awful when you get a clear cut message that a friendship isn't what you thought it was.

Hope your health continues to improve and spend £600 on a holiday, sounds like you need one!

I wouldn’t want to go to the wedding even if the bride and groom gave you an all day invite.

I would have declined the invite and rescinded the offer to pay for transport.

It’s a weird situation tbh.

I don’t get the reply you sent - to me it reads as a passive aggressive request for a day invite - with the hint that your gift rests on this.

But what’s the point? If she backtracks and changes your invite it will be a bit of a Pyrrhic victory, surely? I would feel extremely awkward and that it was all pretty much soured.

You’ll never know if she really wanted you there or if you had to pointedly mention the very expensive hovercraft to wangle a reluctant invite.

I wouldn’t be paying a penny more. Don’t you either. It would just rankle - for the rest of your life!

Please don't pay the money but also just don't go to the wedding. They will be laughing at you and you don't deserve that.

Tbh . I also wouldn’t want to go or pay . Restricted working means every penny count. Spend £600 on a break for you and dh

Most weddings are between £50-£100 per head. Even if she invited you and DH she would STILL have been saving £400-£500 on wedding transport costs so she's a total idiot! She's saved herself £100-£200 but LOST £400-£500! AND a genuine friend.

Giving them a graceful way out?? Embarrass them into giving you an invite that they’d rather not, rather than lose the gift you’re paying for, you mean.
Why do you want to go so badly that you’d be happy with that?!
Have some dignity, fgs.

^^this

I wouldn't be going to the wedding and no way would I accept going all day if I questioned them on it. All the bridal party would know 🙈

think I would say something like ' Hi (friend) thanks for the invitation. Re my original offer, that was more of an invitation to the whole event level of gift. .. I wouldn't tend to go to that sort of level for an evening only wedding invite. ' and end with a cheery Sorry!
Is the perfect answer.

I don't understand your reply, tbh. It reads PA and kind of begging, 'I'm definitely up for it', all at the same time. I don't understand why you'd want to be there. Go on holiday with your husband and save the money. The bride has shown her priorities, and it isn't having you at her wedding, or the activities leading up to the day. If you go, it'll be so awkward, and you don't deserve that.

I would have kept it simple, distant and to the point: Dear Bride, thank you for the invitation to your evening party. Regrettably we can no longer attend, nor provide your ceremony transport. Best wishes.

I thought I'd read everything on mn but now this!!! Wow!!! Are you sure she actually formally accepted your kind offer or maybe she didn't think it serious and was too uncomfortable to clarify? This kind of offer from anyone who is not a close relative is very unusual.

Whatever the answer, don't go, don't pay and don't see them again.