Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

Your response has come across a bit desperate imo.

The bride is obviously using you for your financial input, she doesn't want you as a proper guest.

I would have texted something more on the lines of "I am shocked for the evening invite only, seen as I was offering to pay for something in the daytime. As I won't be there to see it, i won't be paying for it"

Shitty friends. I’m sorry OP but you are far nicer than them. Your friend hasn’t bothered with you because you’ve been ill and now happy to take your gift but not invite you. Fuck em.

Oops. Thought there was only on page. Off to RTFT

If you can’t cancel the dragon drawn golden chariot then just use it yourself and ride up and down the street outside the wedding venue!

She's not a friend. You deserve better op x

A £600 gift to someone who isn’t even inviting you to the wedding ceremony shows you’d be being taken advantage of. Don’t pay for it.

There must be one helluva cover your arse conversation going on somewhere tonight ... else surely there would have been a prompt response full of apologies for the mistake.

Too late Would of payed and declined the invite and waited till they asked why nothing to loose friendship done now

@rwalker till they asked what?

Sorry op, but I also think you should have declined the invite and informed them you wouldn't be paying for the transport. Why on earth would you want to go, sadly they have made it clear they don't want you there, just your money.
Walk away with your head held high and spend the money on you and your dh.

Would of payed
Why would you have paid, rwalker?

annamie

Ask why she’d declined the invite I would guess

Has she read it OP?

I would have kept it simple, distant and to the point: Dear Bride, thank you for the invitation to your evening party. Regrettably we can no longer attend, nor provide your ceremony transport. Best wishes.

^^seconded this

There is no way that the bridesmaid has done the invites and decided who gets a day invite and your text OP has made you look really desperate .

Great message op. I hope you get the reply you deserve. If not then you know your friendship is over, hold your head up high.

Great message, op. Why??

Of all the wedding cf posts on Mumsnet, this has to be one of the worst I've ever read.
Honestly £600 is so much money. It's more than we got from our in-laws. Does your friend even realise how much the transport costs???
You can't seriously still be thinking of paying.
I wouldn't make excuses but instead you should call them out on it and just state the truth.
"Dear Friend. We received your evening invitation. In light of the fact that I offered a very generous contribution to your wedding day, I am extremely hurt and appalled that we were not worthy of a day invite. Therefore I think it's best that we decline from attending your wedding altogether and I will retract my offer to pay for transport.

What was this Bridezilla thinking of even accepting so expensive a gift? The thought of doing this to any friend makes me blanche, and that's aside from insulting them with an evening-only invitation. No good friend could even consider it: is she taking the piss?

I'm sorry OP but she's treating you with utter contempt. If you do go ahead and pay she'll probably despise you for it, then the friendship will be dead in the water anyway only your wallet will be £600 lighter.

For the sake of your own dignity, don't do it. You don't deserve to humiliate yourself like this for the sake of so poor a 'friend'. There's a simple three-step process it would be well to follow here: 1. decline the evening invitation. 2. rescind the gift. and 3. bin the friendship.

So sorry you've been treated with such callous disregard, especially considering your illness. Please don't allow yourself to be treated like this.

Ouch.
It's forever tainted now, even if she rustles up an all day invite now.

You will always wonder if it was a genuine mistake or a deliberate snub, despite your very generous contribution to their big day.

One more thing, bearing in mind your health history at present, you surely should have been at top of friends list for full day invites, as a cheering up day, regardless of your present.

And had you offered me that expenditure, I would have said....don't be daft, you silly bint. Treat yourself! Not me!

My PIL, gave us £20 as a wedding gift, I still haven’t got over it, MIL’s basket of flowers at the wedding, cost more than that. 😂

Dear Bride, upon reflection, while we thank you for the invitation to your evening party, regrettably we can no longer attend, nor provide your ceremony transport. Best wishes

I've made the tiniest tweak to this great suggestion ^^ to enable you to send as a follow-up, OP

You sound so lovely op. You did not deserve to be treated so badly. Your “friend” is incredibly rude.

Spend the money on yourself, and move on 💐

OP, I'm sorry to say that your friend sounds like a complete scumbag. I would cancel the gift. Even if it meant losing everything. Or alternatively send it to circle the church "this is what you could have won".

Please don't give this person a penny.

Please don't pay this.

When you look back on this episode of your life, I am confident you will be really glad you didn't pay.

If you do pay, you'll look back and be furious at the injustice of it.