Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

This is shocking. I agree with someone's suggestion of giving the bride (or CB!!) the details to pay the rest of the balance or even see about having a refund - you might get this back citing your health which is a being a cf in some ways but this 'friend' doesn't deserve nothing in my opinion. Her, the groom and CB are taking you as a fool!

Has she responded to your message??

Did someone out the OP early in the thread as the godmother?

My god

YABU for having offered to pay such an expensive gift as a non-family member. It feels like you are crossing a line here. I can't imagine she even thought you were serious. Has she sent you anything to suggest she genuinely is expecting you to pay this for her? Do not pay it under any circumstances and don't offer something like this again for non-family

OP Please withdraw the offer and spend It on yourself.
The bride and groom do not deserve your gift or your friendship.
Walk away with your head held high. Block them after you tell them that you are withdrawing your offer due to their insensitive invite.
Enjoy your time away to the full and don’t look back.
All good wishes to you.

OP you said you were expecting the bill for said item but it hasn't come .
Do you think Bride has diverted this somehow and paid for it herself? What communication if any has taken place recently between you and the bride about the item? Has she accepted and thanked you already?

I’m agog at their Behaviour.

Even if you got a day invite now are you certain you’d want to go?

You must be feeling all kinds of hurt especially considering what you have gone through.

Flipping heck, if someone had done this wonderful generous thing for me on my wedding, not only would they be there all day, they’d be on the top table, getting a toast, making a speech and invited on the honeymoon!

Your “friends” are ungrateful, pisstaking tosspots, OP. Like PPs I’d urge you not to pay for this now. Twunts.

Op they are not your friends. You sound so lovely, they really really don't deserve you. Please don't pay £600!!! Walk away

She's obviously going to offer you the full day now, don't accept it. Walk away with your dignity, your head held high and your £600!

I agree with PP. Tainted now and friendship inevitably over.

Use that money on you. Go on that trip with your loved one, make the most of it and forget about this horrible person.

I’m nervous for you waiting for the reply.

Even if she says it’s a mistake you could then say oh dear DH has spent your chariot money on a holiday for my birthday I will need to decline the invite and gift after all.

Oops sorry (not)

Omg, please let us know as soon as she responds

Do you know how many people will be going to the ceremony OP? I'm guessing it's a big do by her mode of transport being so expensive! The cheek of some people!!!

I never comment on these sort of threads but OMG I’m so sorry for you. You really sound like a lovely genuine person. Your husband sounds like one of the good guys too 😊
Some people are terrible. You guys sound like you have all the moral high grounds going - I suspect this thread may out you/them and good! No decent person can argue they’re in any way reasonable. Tilt that chin up high OP 😊👍

Considering your health and what you and your family must be going through the most deserving people of that money as you and your family. If you're so desperate to give it away then give it to your children, or take them away somewhere as a family and make some wonderful memories together, or save it for a later date when your family might really, really need that money.

Whatever you do don't give those CFs a penny more just because you think you'll save face. You absolutely won't and to be honest it's a slap in the face to your family - your husband who I assume is working to support you all and your children who deserves a mum who shows them they deserve better in life than to be humiliated and taken advantage of. Don't throw that hard-earned money down the drain.

Come on, op. Stick up for yourself. You can do this. We're here for you.

Have you had a reply yet? What a cheek.

No sorry I don’t even understand that message

And if she is shamed into giving you a day invite just because she wants the cash, then do you really want to go?

Muchbetter to have said ‘I’m going to let you know now so you have time to make other arrangements but I no longer feel comfortable with my offer of paying for your special transport because it has become apparent that you don’t consider me a close friend and I’m sure you would agree, that level of gift is something only close friends would consider.’

Oh noooo OP that’s not a good text. It sounds like you are begging for an invite. I am a total pushover but there are a million places that I would rather spend my money, than on an hour or less of transport for a bride who doesnt want me there for the whole day. Please, please for your own sake have some dignity. I would message to say - look, this is embarrassing but when I offered the transport I assumed I’d be at the whole day. Because I thought we were that close. Now I know we see the friendship differently I think it would be best to withdraw my offer, as it is a bit of an insult to me and I don’t want to put you in an awkward position by making you take me up on it.

Spend the money with someone who loves you and go on that nice holiday with your DH. I wish you well - you have been a good friend to her and she doesn't deserve you

Op keep us updated if u get a reply! X

I’m going to let you know now so you have time to make other arrangements but I no longer feel comfortable with my offer of paying for your special transport because it has become apparent that you don’t consider me a close friend and I’m sure you would agree, that level of gift is something only close friends would consider

Unless she comes back with something really good this needs to be your response, then go on holiday and forget about the nasty bitch

I don't think you should even be giving her the option of inviting you to the day. The gift is cancellable- she will not be left in the lurch as replacement taxis are relatively inexpensive. I might see your pov regarding not wanting to cancel the gift if you had offered to contribute to the venue for example or catering but the gift you've offered you pay for is pure luxury. She doesn't deserve your consideration or friendship anymore.

Gawd help us all if it turns out not to have been a mistake.

Its clear she doesnt value you're friendship in the same way you do shes a user op.