Colleague doesnt talk at all

[Sarah510]

So I share an office with another woman - our work is separate so we don't "need" to talk about work, well it would be interesting for me to hear about what she's doing but she doesn't ever share anything. But more than that, she goes for days without speaking except 'hello' and sometimes a 'bye'. The rest of the day we just work in silence. It makes me feel a bit weird and to be honest a bit lonely. I have tried to make conversation but she always shuts it down straight away one-word answer so I haven't initiated any conversations this week, and it's been silence all day every day, so I guess it's what she wants. She is busy I get it, but it does feel weird to me. AIBU

YANBU, it does sound lonely. But this was me for a couple of years. I think I was depressed and I used to look at my colleagues chatting away and think how could they be bothered. Everything seemed meaningless and I hated talking about weekend plans etc even when I had plans. I just wanted to hide at home all day and making small talk was exhausting.

Sounds a bit unusual OP ans I think a lot of peoppe would share your viewpoint and find that a bit isolating -but if that's how she feels its up to her isn't it, her job description doesn't involve office chat even of it would make for a nicer atmosphere.
I would probably assume she was just very introverted.

Can you not pop some headphones in and listen to the radio, music, or a podcast/audiobook? You could try speaking to her about it to see if any misunderstanding has led to this but equally if you try to converse and she shuts it down it seems a bit fruitless. I'd look for other ways to combat the feeling of isolation at work.

This could be my (adult) daughter at work. Bullied at school for mispronouncing words and minor learning difficulty, she is frightened to communicate other than a yes or no, or very brief answers. She works with statistics and computers and doesn't 'have' to communicate greatly. However, mainly it's a lack of trust. Your colleague may have been through a tough time, and quite frankly just needs to build up a level of trust before letting go. Bear with it. I know it's frustrating, but keep chipping away, be kind and I'm sure she'll slowly open up

That would drive me nuts, but chatting might drive her nuts. Is this situation going to be for the foreseeable future? Can you move into another space?

I’d have to go and talk to someone at least every two hours, unless the work was completely riveting.

Sounds like bliss to me

That sounds insufferable. You'll have all the perfect lot here in a minute saying they hate making new friends and talking at work, but I agree it's a big % of your life sat in that office and another human completely ignoring you is awful.

Can you not ask to relocate your desk? Are there other people in the building you can team up with in the kitchen etc?

I'm totally happy working completely on my own (prefer it), but working in silence with someone else there all the time would be horrendous. I'd be really miserable. YANBU but I'm not sure what you can do about it, given you've tried with her.

I hardly speak at work. It's an anxiety thing. Also I find that not speaking much then people give up on me and blank/ignore me which makes me feel really low.

I wonder what her mn username is..

Oh dear I left a job because of this!! I went from a really buzzy, chatty office into one where ‘good morning’ was the sum total of conversation. Silent as the tomb, it was and I hated it. Can you transfer your desk elsewhere?

That would drive me nuts I couldn't stand to sit in silence all day everyday - I think I'd be taking some headphones and putting some music on to keep me from going mad!

She's very confident at her job, I don't think it's an anxiety thing at all. Trying not to take it personally! Like by chance we were both going to the same training which was in a different building. That was back when I was making more of an effort, so I said 'I'm off to a training session see you later' and she said 'oh I'm going to that too' so I said 'ah ok, I'll hold on a minute for you' (she was typing something), and she said 'no need, just go ahead'. She arrived literally a few seconds after me. Loads of things like that. Like 'how are you' answer 'Fine' - full-stop. Yeah just trying not to let it get me down. But even work stuff, obviously I can hear her talking on the phone, and she's trying to sort something out, and I'd love to say 'is everything ok' but then she would probably wonder why I was listening in - though I cant help it, we are a metre apart! Yeah I go out every hour or so and wander about to find someone to say hi to.

Maybe she's not a big talker. I'd try to warm her up with an approach that does not involve talking - eg make her a cup of tea, buy her a cupcake when you go out to get your sandwich... see how she reacts to that.

She's clearly there to work and not socialise. My office neighbour is like you, keeps trying to start conversations and just talks forever.... I love the days when she's not in!

YANBU for being the person you are. YABU for thinking she is BU.

I'm actually not a very chatty person MasterMagarita and I worked with a woman who was always starting conversations which was very frustrating lol!

Does she respond when you talk to her? Some people just aren’t into meaningless chitter chatter, but complete silence is extreme.

Work is for working tbf.........

Is English her second language?

Did she talk during the training event or does she talk to others, e.g. over the phone or when you have visitors?

she's responded I'd say maybe once or twice. All the other times even if I say 'gosh its cold out today' she says 'well it's winter we have to expect it' or something like that. Usually I end up feeling bad or that I've said something wrong, so I decided not to initiate any convo this week, and she hasn't initiated anything so we work in silence. It could be worse I guess. I'ts pretty intense though!

she didn't really talk to anyone at training, maybe one or two people. she talks on the phone but for work. she doesn't really leave the office, except for the toilet or to get her lunch which she eats at the desk. (I go out to get a break).

Work is for working tbf.......

There's a difference between all-day gossiping and the occasional conversation when work permits though, surely? I'd be a bit sad if I didn't know the basic details about work colleagues (e.g. has a wife and baby who doesn't sleep/is moving house soon/just acquired a new nephew/bit worried about her isolated mum). It makes life that little bit more interesting and social.

I think it’s pretty clear from what you’ve said she’s not interested in talking. If it’s not expected that you have any professional cross-over then you’re just going to have to accept it. Do you answer each other’s phones?

Some days I used to hate a previous job as office space was limited and when everyone was in it was a nightmare.
What did you do over the weekend?
Doing anything nice over the holidays?
The weather
Now it would be an endless inane chat about coronavirus.

Thankfully my boss was fantastic and I could work from home. He understood I went to work for some peace and quiet. I got enough questions when the dc's where at home.

I'd been working there a couple of years before my colleagues knew I had children. Even then it didn't come from me, the big boss asked one day about them in front other others.

weird. Just be pleasant and put some headphones for a bit of music background.