Colleague doesnt talk at all

[Sarah510]

So I share an office with another woman - our work is separate so we don't "need" to talk about work, well it would be interesting for me to hear about what she's doing but she doesn't ever share anything. But more than that, she goes for days without speaking except 'hello' and sometimes a 'bye'. The rest of the day we just work in silence. It makes me feel a bit weird and to be honest a bit lonely. I have tried to make conversation but she always shuts it down straight away one-word answer so I haven't initiated any conversations this week, and it's been silence all day every day, so I guess it's what she wants. She is busy I get it, but it does feel weird to me. AIBU

I think op sounds very patient and tolerant. Many others would ask to be moved or leave.

She sounds awesome.

Wouldn't bother me, I'd rather just get on with my work and have no small talk

She sounds like my ideal office companion. I'm shy but also highly introverted. I could happily go days or maybe even weeks without speaking to another person. The response your colleague gave to going to the training together would be exactly the same one I would give. Don't take offence, just accept that she's different to you and find others to make your small talk with.

I don’t want to talk all day either but I do expect normal social skills and pleasantries from colleagues (unless that have special needs) otherwise it can be very damaging to mental health and well being.

She's not rude, she does sound like an introvert. That's me. I'm not unfriendly, but the job comes first, so two or three comments first thing in the morning and that's it. I've always hated working with people who see work as an extension of their social life. If I'm chatting, I'm not working. If you have work that means you need to concentrate, you don't want to chat. You don't indicate what kind of work you do, OP, but possibly she needs to concentrate more than you do? From what you say, she's avoiding getting into conversations so it's just possible you're driving her mad too, by trying to talk.

I've worked with people like this. It's quite depressing. I'm an introvert but I go nuts without chat to pass the day.

OK so general consensus is IABU!

Will just suck it up.

Thanks all.

Actually, being in the work place and all, the work colleague is expected to show a minimum of manners and politeness. No one is asking, or care frankly, about her life story but blanking someone completely is rude and inappropriate.
It's not an acceptable behaviour in an office. It doesn't hurt anyone to string 2 or 3 sentences together to be polite.

Is this you?

I find it really hard to talk to people most of the time and her responses would be like mine. You are there to work?

I could be like that at work, monosyllabic replies which was because of a severe lack of confidence and every time I did try to join in the conversation another colleague would butt in with ”jigsaws just never shuts up” which I presume was meant as banter but had the result of me never wanting to open my mouth while I was there.

It wasn't because I didn't want to talk, it was because I couldn't get the confidence to say anything!

Compromise would be good. Op is complying to her silence but she isn’t taking op into account. Very selfish.Realising that to get by in the world, relationships are important and need to be worked on. To me me it’s part of being a good employee. You need to fit in.

I applaud anyone who allow others to concentrate on their work and doesn't chat nonsense all day. It doesn't mean it's remotely acceptable to be rude and barely articulate a "hello" once in a blue moon.

My colleagues don't STFU and I wear ear plugs at times 🙈 I do not care about their friends dogs weekend antics or other inane nonsense while I'm concentrating on coding. Talk that to me in the canteen at lunch - sure if you have to. Yes I am on the spectrum.

And with is it with wanting to know about you simply because you happen to work for the same company? The only time I saw them or heard from them was during working hours.

I was beginning to think I was alone in not sharing things.

Why do people feel the need to overshare? No offence but I don't give a fuck about your whatever at home. How is that of any benefit to me? How does listening to someone drone on and on benefit me in any way, other than sending me to sleep? Not saying anyone on here is like this, but I'm sure you've met at least one of those.

The ones that just start moaning about all their problems. Erm hello, you think others don't have their own stuff to deal with, we just don't want to talk to any random person.

The amount of times I was tempted to answer what did you do last night -
Well, I went home, took a huge shit, had a shower and changed. One of the dc's made dinner. We ate. I went out and had some mind-blowing sex. Got about an hours sleep, thankfully clean clothes already on, wink wink, a quick shower and hear I am.

Not saying that was my typical night 🤣But the temptation was growing stronger to say that to them.

And I don't really care you went home and watched crap on the TV.

If I'm asked if I'm Ok I say I'm fine. Would you rather hear - you know what I had a terrible night sleep, constantly up during the night to go for. a piss, bloody kidney. Constipation is driving me crazy and omfg the pain. Last time I had a shit I was so fucking happy I did an actual shit song and dance. Waiting to hear results back as something is out of balance again.

When someone asks a daft question like it's a bit cold outside, I will respond with a no-shit Sherlock response.

Today I haven't spoken to anyone in work. Didn't see anyone from other areas to say hi to. And she said 'hi' when she came in, and I said 'hi how are you' and she said 'fine'. That's all. I do find it a bit depressing. I don't share everything in work, or want to be best friends with anyone, or chit chat loads, but even a chat about work stuff can be interesting, and a way to share knowledge etc. I'm pretty introverted. We work in the same dept but cover different areas. They would overlap a bit, but not enough to need to chat I guess.

...

What line of work is this op? Does she not have to converse with colleagues or talk to customers?

She might be just a quiet person, probably on the spectrum but at any rate she doesn’t need to change her personality to meet your extrovert needs.

Sure you're there to work and focus. Fair enough. But its nice to get to know your office neighbour. Have you offered to go for a quick post-work drink perhaps? Just as an ice breaker? She might say no of course but then you'll have tried.

Yabu. People don't have to talk to you. I really struggle socially and my work colleagues often make fun of me behind my back because I don't speak and I just get on with my work. The reason I don't speak is because I stutter and get my words mixed up. I end up getting really embarrassed and make situations 10x more awkward, so I find it easier to just not talk.

Maybe that's why? Or maybe she just doesn't like talking and wants to concentrate on her work. Not everyone likes taking. I really hate that people assume everyone loves to chat and if you don't then you're weird or rude

yes she has to talk to people some days, other days she wouldn't need talk to anyone.

Why does everyone jump to extremes? Nobody likes someone to go on and on stopping you from working. But bits of chat throughout the day are about being human.

Some harsh responses here. Yes this woman is in her rights to avoid all small talk, but the OP is also in her rights to find that very challenging. I’m a quiet and introverted person but I would find the atmosphere hard to deal with.