Colleague doesnt talk at all

[Sarah510]

So I share an office with another woman - our work is separate so we don't "need" to talk about work, well it would be interesting for me to hear about what she's doing but she doesn't ever share anything. But more than that, she goes for days without speaking except 'hello' and sometimes a 'bye'. The rest of the day we just work in silence. It makes me feel a bit weird and to be honest a bit lonely. I have tried to make conversation but she always shuts it down straight away one-word answer so I haven't initiated any conversations this week, and it's been silence all day every day, so I guess it's what she wants. She is busy I get it, but it does feel weird to me. AIBU

Meh, don't take it personally, it's clearly just the way she is.

Take some headphones and put some music on or something.

Any be on the autistic spectrum. Her reply about the weather - “we have to expect it.” made me think that.
It sounds as if she genuinely has no need of your company and no conception of how lack of company is making you feel. Does anyone else in your work place have any thoughts about it?

Be careful what you wish for! I d happily swap my colleague for yours ;)

This could be my (adult) daughter too. She is painfully shy and does suffer from anxiety. She does try to join in at work but finds small talk very difficult. But she's not totally silent.

Could be me

Drives me crazy when colleagues try to make small talk while I am working. In the lift or walking to the conference room, sure, but if I’m at my desk I need to focus. My job is very mentally intense and conversation just doesn’t work.

I was the silent colleague.

It didn’t start off like that but I had one colleague who spouted intolerant Daily Mail comments that I didn’t want to be associated with, and another who took any amount of small talk as his cue to talk on and on and on and on at me all day. So in the end I took to a hello and goodbye and not much else. I also wanted to get on with my work so I could leave on time.

I’m not saying you’re doing anything as bad, as my former colleagues OP, but is it possible that you’re just different people and she just doesn’t want to have to ask someone to leave her quietly alone? Extroverts often just do not understand introverts, don’t respect their boundaries and/or preferences, and see it as there being something “wrong” with them if they aren’t as social as the extrovert would like.

I still don’t like chatter so I’m glad I’m now in a role where we all sit together with our headphones on

I’m not very talky, conversation isn’t easy for me. I probably come off as rude or stuck up.

Maybe she's very shy? I had a former colleague who didn't talk to me for ages as they were so shy, I made a point of saying hello to them each day and after a while they opened up but it was a hard slog.

I don't go to work to make friends infact Il do the exact opposite. Professional life is very seperate from my personal life. My colleagues don't even know that I have children or Im about to be a grandmother. I dont even think they know Im married

you must be a joy to be around

Not sure why people can't be offer more options to work from home. If you can stay in an office without uttering a word to anyone, sounds like at least some of the week could be spent home!

I'm the same at work. I'm quiet unless I need to talk. I dont like mindless chatter, and talking about things that dont matter. I literally lose focus when I hear people talking. Last lady I had to sit next to, used to give a running commentary about her diet, (and number of calories already consumed. ) Before that I sat next to someone who NEVER stopped talking!!! It drove me mad!

If you're not actually working "together", i.e. you're doing completely different jobs with no cross-over, then I don't really see the need/expectation to be over-friendly. Obviously, fine if you both want more conversation etc., but if one of you doesn't, then I think you just have to accept it.

She sounds like my perfect work colleague

Sounds awful. Would be enough to make me reconsider my job.

I would stick to hello/good morning when you arrive and if you are making yourself a coffee or tea offer her one as well. A good bye as you leave, have a good weekend if its Friday.

I used to hate people talking at me when I was at work. I wanted to get the work done as had precious little time to do it in. Someone offering to make me a hot drink though would have been welcomed.

As long as its a companionable silence fine. If its ice cold atmosphere, lip pursing and eye rolling when you walk in more of a problem.

Is she autistic?

She doesn't necessarily have to be anxious or autistic she could find small talk draining. I'm a very bubbly person out of work - around my friends but at work my colleagues and I are all different ages with nothing in common other than the work at hand. Office convos are very tedious and I'd much rather sit in silence and do my work then go home rather than force conversation that clearly isn't there. It's nothing personal! My manager thinks I'm the most quiet polite person ever yet my friends say I'm the loudest dhead lol

The comment about winter plus the lack of social skills sounds like she could be on the spectrum. I work with primary school chn and I recognise those traits.

I knew the “probably autistic” brigade would arrive before long

Not probably, possibly.

She’s very rude anyway, spectrum or not.

All the weird, odd etc comments aren’t very nice despite MN being a champion of being an individual etc.
My DS has Aspergers; very intelligent but wouldn’t speak to you either.
Your colleague isn’t obliged to chat to you, you sound selfish and inconsiderate.

Your DS has good reason. If this woman doesn’t have special needs, it’s rude.

I could be your work colleague and I'm definitely not autistic or rude!
For me, I have a lot of work to do and if I don't get it done, I have to work over.
I really don't care about the private lives of my colleagues.

I don't have any friends in my workplace and that is how I like it. The person I get along with most is like me haha.

I know the basics but that is all I want to know. Most people I work with want to spend a lot of time in a day talking about various husbands, kids, dramas etc etc. I really don't care!!!
Luckily I am in an office in my own like the ignorant twat I am!