Colleague doesnt talk at all

[Sarah510]

So I share an office with another woman - our work is separate so we don't "need" to talk about work, well it would be interesting for me to hear about what she's doing but she doesn't ever share anything. But more than that, she goes for days without speaking except 'hello' and sometimes a 'bye'. The rest of the day we just work in silence. It makes me feel a bit weird and to be honest a bit lonely. I have tried to make conversation but she always shuts it down straight away one-word answer so I haven't initiated any conversations this week, and it's been silence all day every day, so I guess it's what she wants. She is busy I get it, but it does feel weird to me. AIBU

I’m a naturally quiet person and can be shy/quiet around unfamiliar people - I just need a bit of extra time but over the years I’ve found myself starting small talk & becoming confident when meeting new people. Also when I’m working/trying to concentrate I find (for me) I need to be somewhere quiet & I’m not very chatty. I was the same at school I could never study/revise in the classroom, I was better off elsewhere usually at home or the library.
However I understand why your finding it hard with the silence. I would give her more time- continue saying hello/bye & the small talk. Also offer to make a drink if your going to get one or perhaps a bring in some chocolates/cakes now and again on a Friday?

It’s basic manners and social skills.

I would hate that, YANBU. In fact, I’d have to look into whether there are any other offices available.

Why does she have an attitude?

Why does she have an attitude?
we don't know, but the OP can hardly ask, can they?

It sounds like she made a conscious decision some time ago not to make friends at work and keep it all very professional, which I can understand. I think she sounds very rude though. I'm very quiet at work but still manage the odd conversation and am reasonably friendly!

Maybe she just wants to get on with the job, or she doesn't do small talk? It doesn't sound like it's anything personal, so I'd just let her get on with it.

I work in IT, and this is quite normal.

No, she can just accept that her colleague is not chatty! Nowhere has she mentioned she is rude or that she has an attitude.

Sounds like my ideal office mate. Me and my ex office buddy were like this but she’s been replaced with someone who talks incessantly.

I try and drop massive hints by not really replying but she carries on chatting away. I’d say my productivity has halved. I need peace and quiet to concentrate.

Reception girl so bubbly another story in open plan area! Zero talking its bloody tense! I dont mean chat all day thats very distracting! So a happy medium. Day long if zero talk

Why on earth is not making small talk rude?

That sounds awful. I get so lonely when everyone in my open plan office bay isn't there. Even just having general chit chat when making a cup of tea would make it better. Also all these lovely people saying they don't care about their colleagues etc. I would hate to work in your work place. Ours is very into checking each other are ok as people can be struggling and need help and as humans and colleagues we have social responsibility.

It's an awkward situation, OP, I wouldn't like to be in it. I once had a colleague who hardly spoke and it was uncomfortable for everyone - we got used to it, but it was a relief when she left.

Not much you can do about it, though. Definitely continue saying hello and goodbye to her, and perhaps make the occasional comment so you have some communication during the day. At least you'll know that you've made the effort, even if she doesn't.

Ours is very into checking each other are ok as people can be struggling and need help and as humans and colleagues we have social responsibility.

Ugh! I'd hate to work somewhere where everyone wants to know my business. My worst nightmare.

Just let her get on with it. I've been stuck in offices before where people never stfu and talk for hours about what they're having for lunch, what they would have for lunch if money/ weight etc was no object, their favourite cheese, what to call their new pet, where they should move to. etc and I just want to do my job!! You work together, you don't have to be chatty and as long as it's civil, there's no problem

Of course it's rude and not acceptable behaviour in the work place to refuse to put a sentence together.

Start a thread about a boss who refuse to mutter 1 word to you, and see how people react. No one is expecting full details of their bowel movements, despite what one poster seem to think.

I work with someone like this. Just me and him in a little room. It's very isolating when a person makes no social effort at all. I don't enjoy chatterboxes at work but I feel so lonely. I use the offer to make tea/ coffee as an ice breaker a few times a day even though he never accepts

IT sounds about right.

But she hasn’t “refused to put one sentence together”, OP has said she says hello and goodbye and will answer if spoken to, but she clearly just doesn’t want to chat.

And to the poster up thread who rather nastily said that “introverted people seem to have a lot to say on this subject”, being introverted doesn’t mean you’re shy or even that you can’t be outgoing in certain situations. People are surprised when I tell them that I’m actually introverted (if you use the definition as someone who recharges by being alone and finds social interaction draining, no matter how much they might enjoy it) but yeah, it means I don’t like platitudes and chatter, I don’t like being made to feel I “have” to interact beyond the basic niceties if I don’t want to and I get incredibly irritated by people who can’t respect my boundaries. I find small talk incredibly hard work and some people just cant (or won’t) get a hint of when it’s time to shut up and leave someone alone.

In a work situation it was impossible to say to my colleague “Please would you stop prattling on and leave me be” so the only other option was just to shut down and not engage.

Come and work in education OP, we have a small staff room, everyone is different but everyone makes an effort and we have some laughs(you need humour) and genuinely are interested in each other. Anyone that doesn’t would not get on.

She sounds like an ignorant ass
It's not anxiety it's bad manors
Ask to move

She says hello when spoken to? She’s an adult not a child. These are basic human interactions fgs.

For those who say it’s lonely, isn’t there someone else more receptive you can find to chat to? Or use it as a reason to put your headphones in and listen to something if you don’t like the silence?

Ultimately, people aren’t at work to give company to others.

I think it’s quite rude to actually have such little self awareness that someone keeps trying to talk when the other person has made it politely clear that they don’t wish to engage and just want to work.

She doesn’t keep trying to talk. She sits in silence getting a smug answer about the weather if she makes a very normal comment on the weather. Very patronising .