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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend irritating about baby name

199 replies

Nottodaysatan0 · 10/03/2020 09:10

Posted a while back that one of my friends had chosen the same name as me after I had mentioned it as being my top choice.
It’s a fairly common name so I said to her that I wouldn’t mind at all if she used it too as I’m not going to be petty about a baby name I have no rights to. Her response to that was that she doesn’t want to look like she copied me and I should think of something else!

At least once a week for the last six weeks or so and every single time I see her in person she has made comments like the name goes with her other children’s names but doesn’t match my child’s name so I should really look for something else etc etc followed by screenshots of lists of baby names online. then last night she messaged me to say “have you found a new name yet?” This pissed me off to be honest as it was basically her saying “I’m using the name so find something else” so I just firmly said I’ve chosen the name I picked to begin with and that’s that, she was welcome to use it but if she didn’t want to have the same name then she should choose something else. I then changed the subject and asked for an item of makeup back that she had borrowed a few weeks ago (not to be petty but because I genuinely needed it back) and she said her husband would drop it round in a couple of days - I thought this was pretty bitchy too as usually she would say yeah pop round for a cuppa etc
I’ve been decided on this name for two months, we have been calling the baby by the name and all of our family have too. I even have a blanket with the name on it for gods sake.

This friend seems to be the type to always get what they want and seems to think I’m going to just choose another name so she can have this one even though I had said i wanted the name before her (I’m due two months before her!).

What would anyone else do? She’s just not getting the message. And to be honest I don’t think our friendship will be the same after this purely due to the way she’s behaved about it - like a child!

OP posts:
Shockers · 10/03/2020 12:28

I called my firstborn by my grandfather’s name. My husband’s best friend called his firstborn by his grandfather’s name a year later. Our boys are now in their 30s and, although they know one another, they’ve never socialised. At the time I was a bit miffed- now I’m not sure why that was...

Shockers · 10/03/2020 12:29

Forgot to mention- it was the same name!

PotterHead1985 · 10/03/2020 12:29

She is a batshit controlling cow. Keep the name. Ditch the 'friend'.

Ilovechinese · 10/03/2020 12:36

Wow I would tell her to f* off! Who does she think she is trying to tell you what you can and can't call your baby?! I would kind of understand if it was the other way around and she was the one who picked it first but she's not. I'd tell her your baby your choice and you dont want to hear it mentioned again! She does not sound like a nice friend though

Bythepath · 10/03/2020 12:39

A friend of ours named their 1st DC the same as ours. They actually asked me and I was very flattered that they did but ultimately no way could I or would I have had a problem. She is strange especially as you say it is not an unusual name.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 10/03/2020 12:42

The universe says you can never have the same name in ANY family /friendship group/anyone youre likely to meet....Grin

Just dont tell the Catholic Church or any other traditional groups

Hotchocolate321 · 10/03/2020 12:45

You picked the name first and are due first, I wouldn’t give it a second thought to be honest. Just change the subject if she mentions it again or better still tell her another name but stick with the original and then tell her you went with the original name after you’ve registered the birth.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 10/03/2020 12:47

You're due first, just use the name. It was your first choice in the first place. She can then choose whether to use it or not - it's not your problem. Nobody owns a name.

Hotchocolate321 · 10/03/2020 12:49

This is one of the reasons I’ve never discussed with anyone (apart from my husband) the potential names before the birth (we’ve never found out the sex so have never been able to be certain on the name anyway). If it isn’t name stealing it’s people having an opinion on the name chosen.

TealWater · 10/03/2020 12:50

You have every right to use the name first. Use the name, stick to it, tell her. Don't change it for her. She seems to have a need to 'beat' you and copy you while forcing you to go with something else. Don't let her.

WinterCat · 10/03/2020 12:51

I can’t see this friendship lasting the duration. Call your baby the name you chose.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/03/2020 12:52

Well she’s got a point - everyone knows that if two children have the same name then they have to fight to the death as there can only be one!

Grin Grin Grin

Shinycat · 10/03/2020 12:53

@Nottodaysatan0 OMG what a cheeky cah!

Seriously she is no friend. Tell her to fuck off.

And DEFINITELY use the name.

No fucker on this planet would be telling what name I can give my baby. What a cheek. Hmm

Shinycat · 10/03/2020 12:54

As a few posters had said though, I have no IDEA why people blab their baby's name before the baby is born. You're just asking for trouble really.

AngstyAnnie · 10/03/2020 12:55

She's nuts! Just use the name and ignore her. Don't engage any more on the topic OP.

I had some similar weirdness with DD1. I was a couple of weeks from my due date, knew I was having a girl and DH and I settled on a name we loved. A friend of mine asked if we'd picked a name and so I told her. A week later she messaged telling me she was three months pregnant. I obviously congratulated her and in the next message she asked "would I mind" if she used the same name I had picked but with a different spelling, as she hadn't found out yet but just "knew" it was going to be a girl. I thought it was odd but I told her of course, it's a beautiful name go ahead.

I had chosen the Italian spelling of the name as my family are Italian and I thought it was nicer, she had chosen the English version. She spent the next few weeks trying to convince me to spell it the English way Confused I'm pretty sure she wanted the Italian spelling but knew it would look obvious she copied me. I had always thought her normal until that point - perhaps pregnancy has a strange effect on some women? She had a girl and used a completely different name in the end!

Celerysam · 10/03/2020 12:59

I'm guessing are both pretty young? This sounds weirdly juvenile. A) just ignore her and use the name. B) next time j
Keep the name and gender to yourself. We all over share far too much.

unchienandalusia · 10/03/2020 13:02

This is exactly why I'm firmly in the 'never reveal the name' camp.

However, she definitely sounds batshit and I too would keep the name and tell the friend to get to fuck.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/03/2020 13:04

Or reply to her 'I'm finding all this name talk quite stressful hun, would you mind awfully if I kind of ignore the name stuff until little XXX is safely here? Then we can talk about whether you want to call your little girl XXX2 or not without all the tension! Hope that's ok hun xx'

She will EXPLODE Grin

Babybel90 · 10/03/2020 13:06

I told everyone my babies name before she was born, I didn’t have any trouble, everyone said it was a lovely name, but then my friends aren’t batshit.

BertieDrapper · 10/03/2020 13:16

I'd be tempted to lie.... say you have decided you know prefer the name Jenny, Carl or whatever! Just to shut her up.
Then when your baby arrives first just go ahead and use the name you wanted 🤣

1Wildheartsease · 10/03/2020 13:21

Send her the number of the babies given that name this year? (You said that it was popular.)

For me pregnancy was full of such hugely important matters ... that vanished into air on the arrival of the real baby.

  • Remember that either of the real babies might not look right for the name.
    (A baby I know of arrived looking far too furious to be a good little angel... so the preferred ' Angela' was was quietly ditched.)
Savemefromthis4 · 10/03/2020 13:26

Just say jokes getting old now love. It's the name we picked so you will have to share or look like a copycat.

She sounds an idiot.

Lardlizard · 10/03/2020 13:28

I’d just use the name op

Mittens030869 · 10/03/2020 13:31

I remember reading a couple of threads about this; I've never known anyone being this bothered in RL, though. Your friend sounds very controlling, OP, and isn't someone I would want to stay friends with. At least not now, I used to allow myself to be bossed around by people I considered to be friends when I was younger.

I agree with PPs that this is a very good reason not to talk about names with anyone except the baby's dad before the birth

Strugglingtodomybest · 10/03/2020 13:37

I find this so weird.

One of my friends has a son with the same name as my DS1. They're not friends. It doesn't matter.

DS2 is best friends with someone with the same name as him, whose mum I'm not friends with. It doesn't matter either.

So much angst over names!